My bf is always asking me to send naughty pictures/videos to him and it’s really not often that I do this. I would say it’s averaged out to about once every year and a half. I prefer to be together in the moment and we see each other often enough where I feel it just isn’t needed.
Anyway, I decided to get down and dirty on my own yesterday because I was in the mood and was really feeling myself so thought I’d make the most of it by taking some full nude selfies and videos. I thought I’d have some fun so took some with my face included, and when looking through them all I really liked one in particular where I had my eyes closed and tongue out (to give it that POV effect of them finishing in my mouth etc).
I wasn’t actually posing for this and realised afterwards I must have just been super horny, but that is what I liked about it. I captured myself being liberated in my element and really being in touch with my body and I never get that horny on my own.
Anyway so today I sent it to him whilst we were on a video call and he immediately bursts out laughing, clasping his head into his hands. I laughed too initially because for me it is a bit of an ‘out there’ picture to take/send. He was laughing for about 1 whole minute before I asked him what was so funny. Naturally I began to feel quite insecure. He said my face looked funny and he just wasn’t expecting it. I went on to explain how I was in my element and in touch with my body etc and he didn’t offer me any kind of reassurance that this is a good thing and it’s nice to see. Instead he kept repeating himself whilst still giggling, saying he just wasn’t expecting me to be pulling a silly face.
Anyway there was a lot of back and forth, me explaining the above and him stupidly repeating himself, not clocking that I am upset by his reaction EVEN after telling him that this is hurtful and upsetting. He knows that I am quite reserved and shy about doing this type of thing, especially including my face and although he said sorry I feel like he just said sorry to get out of this and when asking him what he is apologising for he didn’t really seem to tick the right boxes for me, for example, he didn’t acknowledge hurting my feelings, what he did wrong, not being more reassuring and instead digging himself a bigger hole (he said it reminded him of pornstars pulling the same face on their pornhub accounts to entice viewers).
We have been together for so long we’ve been through a lot of conversations about what works and what doesn’t in different situations we’ve argued over. You’d think at this stage your partner would not have to be told what to say or do to make you feel better and should have that emotional intelligence based on what they’ve learned from previous arguments and what they know about you as a person. Generally he is respectful and knows when/if he’s done something wrong and will apologise – and I know when he means it.
I just can’t shake this feeling of being disrespected and taken for granted. FYI I am hot af and any guy would be lucky to have me.
I can’t really talk to anyone about this but please I want to know your thoughts.
TLDR: I took a naked selfie with my eyes closed and tongue out (to give it that POV effect of them finishing in my mouth etc) and my partner laughed saying my face looked “funny” and “silly” whilst laughing for ages.
34 comments
Wow, what a way to damage your Trust and selfesteem…I am so sorry this happened to you, you’re not at fault, he really shouldnt have reacted that way even if he did not like the pic.
So, he apologized but not for the right reasons?
I’m curious because that doesn’t make sense to me.
I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it, but it’s also a natural reaction I’ve laughed at nudes my fiancé sent me.
Sometimes the unexpected makes us laugh.
Sounds like he isn’t used to seeing your face in these kinda photos and reacted to the unusualness of it.
If he did apologize I’m not sure I understand the issue
Edit* I also want to note that “tongue out eyes closed” isn’t everyone’s favorite face it always comes across a little weird/funny to me
It sure sounds like you’re overreacting to an insane degree, because you’re so insecure.
Him being surprised and laughing isn’t a bad thing.
Him calling it ‘funny and silly’ isn’t a bad thing.
Laughing and having fun are positive reactions. Get over it.
Or, do you want someone reacting to photos like they just watched Schindler’s List?
He laughed??
Many years ago my now ex wife who was shy and reserved went to bed before me . She always had to have the light off to get undressed .
This one night the light was on when I came up stairs to bed . I thought nothing of it . I pulled back the sheets to get in bed and she had put on some lingerie and fish net stockings .
It was so unlike her that I burst out laughing and said something really stupid like “ what have you come as “ or something equally as bad as that.
She switched off the light went to the bath room and came back in her nightie and went to sleep .
She never ever did that again and if I could turned back the clock I would . It was a stupid and childish remark made on the spur of the moment because it was so unlike her and I was caught unawares.
That one stupid remark crushed her and I deeply regretted it . I still do even to this day although we have now gone our separate ways in life . Please just know that men can and often will be stupid.
I’d be hurt to. Naked pictures require some trust and vulnerability. It’s the kind of thing that after laughing he can’t really dismiss your hurt like it’s a misunderstanding. Plus your instinct he didn’t mean his apology i would trust that Instinct of yours.
Plus how many women wouldn’t send him a sex picture how about some gratitude dude ?
You should be rewarded for being a great GF
It’s natural to be insecure in situations like this, especially when it happens with someone you truly love and trust. But it’s very easy to take trivial things out of proportion. I am not saying that you are in the wrong, if it truly hurt your feelings and you expressed it clearly to him and he still didn’t acknowledge that, then he is to blame.
I would like to state that you are very lucky to be in a loving relationship for 9 years, something that I haven’t been fortunate enough to share with any women.
So don’t jump to any conclusions.
Try to find out the reason behind his reaction. As you mentioned that you consider yourself very attractive, so you can definitely rule out the possibility of him laughing at your body.
Then what can it be? Did it actually suprise him? Have you never been like that during intercourse?Did it remind him of something or someone he can’t unsee? Or is there anything else?
Communication is key in situations like this. If you feel like he owes you an sincere apology, tell him.
Just don’t do anything in the heat of the moment
poor reaction on his part…
“Quite reserved and shy”
“I’m hot as fuck”
Kay
Wow, what an absolute dummy. Guy finally gets nudes and bursts out laughing, I would feel disrespected and hurt too. You should talk to him and let him know how stupid he made you feel.
Just the other day my guy and I were together and he was using a toy on me, he pulled it out just as I was coming hard and almost got squirted in the face. He started laughing and laughing so much he ended up laying on the bed holding his side. I do sometimes squirt it just usually happens during PiV and neither of us realized how hard it comes out lol
As he was laughing I kinda jokingly said I was gonna end up on the sex subreddit asking why my guy was laughing at me for squirting. When he finally caught his breath he said it was not the squirting but the look of sheer mortification on my face that set him off. He apologized & said he couldn’t explain why my horrified face had seemed so funny to him
Despite it kinda hurting my feelings when he first started laughing I chose to not be upset. Sometimes things just tickle us for some reason and it’s not on purpose. Honestly I don’t think he meant to be disrespectful to you, he just found the face you were making silly and funny (I would feel differently if he had been laughing at your body, not just a facial expression)
Sex can indeed be silly and funny sometimes. Crazy noises, faces, falling down, leg cramps… I’ve found it’s best not to take it all so seriously! Learning to laugh at yourself and together about the odd things that sometimes happen during sex is a good thing that can make sex even more of a bonding experience between you.
My best advice as a woman who has been married over 20yrs is to accept his apology, let it go, don’t let it dampen your enthusiasm for sex or sexting and maybe try to not take everything in your relationship (sexual or otherwise) quite so seriously.
I’ve had a guy ask for a photo exactly like how you’re describing. Your guy is weird for not appreciating it!
My thoughts – and I’ll probably get downvoted for this: if you have access to his phone. Find your nudes and delete them.
The next time he asks, be honest with him “the last time I sent you nudes, you *laughed* at me and were clueless about why I was upset and how it damaged my self esteem – so no, no nudes for you”
Most people seem to be focusing on his initial reaction, which was granted pretty bad, but sometimes those first reactions can’t be controlled. However, his response after you explained you felt hurt and insecure by his laughing sounds like he doesn’t really care. If I did something to hurt my partner by accident, I would make sure to apologize and make them feel better/explain I didn’t do it on purpose. It sounds like he just brushed it off though.
If you’ve been together with someone for nine years, your perception of your partner is usually very different than it was in the beginning of the relationship. Not that you’re not sexually attracted, but it’s usually not the same kind of rabid, everything’s new type of attracted it once was. After nine years, it’s natural not to see your partner and immediately think “gee, I wonder what she looks like with her eyes closed and her tongue out.” It IS surprising when someone you’re totally settled in with does something out of character. Your feelings are valid and I understand why you’re hurt, but at the same time, I’d advise cutting him some slack. It’s not a lack of attraction to you being hot af and all, it was a reaction to someone who is, as you admit, rarely overtly sexual being overtly sexual. Porn IS silly. Ever try watching it when you’re not horny? It’s…interesting. That’s what he was reacting to, not you.
Maybe he’s insecure of himself and that’s why he was laughing special if you are smoking hot .
Trying too hard to look sexy is not sexy at all. I think that’s why he was laughing. He can’t read your mind and know what you were intending. Sorry you felt disrespected.
i think your taking this the wrong way.
my wife and partner of over a decade is rather shy and reserved and quite often refers to herself as a prude, doesnt send nude photos very often. hell i could count the amount of nudes iv recieved on 1 hand over our entire relationship.
a couple of said photos have been of a similar variety that you sent your partner. i infact laughed at one of those not because it was funny not because i was being disrespectful. but because it was different its not a face she had made whilst we were being intiment it was just different and i didnt know how to react. people in an awkward or unknowing situation will react with laughter as a way to not come across as rude or disrespectful.
you may also find that him apologising was because he felt like he had done something wrong but not been 100% sure on what he had done wrong even if you tried to convey it but at the same time felt bad for making you feel bad. stating that he didnt tick all the boxes you required for said apology is a bit unfair on him if he didnt quite realise what he had done wrong or how he had made you exactly feel.
ultimately your best option is to simply ask him if he understands how it made you feel so long as he isnt a striaght up douche im sure he will be open to a discussion to why he reacted the way he did
You are right. If he had sent one of himself to you and you burst into laughter, he’d probably start crying.
It sucks not only that your bf reacted this way, but also that you’ve gotten so many terrible responses here. Sounds like he doesn’t appreciate what you were doing nor does he get how vulnerable you had to be to try. He sucks. Honestly I hope you tell him that he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t start appreciating what he has.
It sucks not only that your bf reacted this way, but also that you’ve gotten so many terrible responses here. Sounds like he doesn’t appreciate what you were doing nor does he get how vulnerable you had to be to try. He sucks. Honestly I hope you tell him that he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t start appreciating what he has.
I’m sorry to say but you deserve better. He should have praised your video and pics and applauded your efforts. He should feel lucky you even took the time!!
I was very afraid of dirty talk.
Like, couldn’t respond when my boyfriend would say things.
I opened up to this and told him. He said “You don’t have to worry with me. I won’t judge you. Even if you say something weird, it’s OK. I’m your boyfriend and we will figure it out together!”
I’ve started small and he’s been *very* encouraging and non-pressing.
*That* is what you deserve, OP. Not some jerk like this. Being shy can be hard, I know. You deserve someone who congratulates you like you’re 5!
ETA: Before I opened up to him, sometimes he’d remark, “You don’t like flirting, do you?” Which hurt, but he would never *ever* degrade me, laugh at me, or be angry with me for my lack of/failure at trying. Comments can come across wrong, but the lack of care when you let them know what’s going on- that is pure ignorance.
You’re stuck on yourself and you were trying too hard in the photos, and it shows. That’s why he was laughing.
Sorry you took offense to it but I can see why he laughed.
You did something vulnerable and he laughed in your face. Sorry babe. That’s horrible. But you guys can work on it. Just make sure he knows you’re not happy.
I think he thought it was funny because you guys probably were not horny or sexting while on the phone. Then out of no where you send the nude. So first he’s surprised you sent a nude. And second he’s surprised by how intense the nude is. So he gets uncomfortable /shocked and starts laughing because it was unexpected — especially for you.
He might have reacted differently if he was masterbating while you sent the photo.
Regardless the way he responded to your hurt feelings was not nice.
But don’t surprise people with nudes. Send them when they are horny and want them. And maybe warn them if it’s out of the ordinary.
Not the same situation, but:
My brother built a successful business alone, got himself and family their dream house, very money / Pinterest-like, which is so not our upbringing.
So, when I first got a tour, I kept laughing at all of the fancy interior and gadgets. He was so insulted because he didn’t understand why I wasn’t saying more “this is gorgeous! We’re so proud of you!” I explained that of course I felt that way, it’s just *funny* because it was unexpected. (Y’all his bathroom sink was basically a fountain).
I even FaceTimed my mom later and described it for her. What did she do? LAUGH.
So, I can understand your boyfriend laughing at the unexpected nude, as well as the face, because he probably didn’t immediately connect that you were ~feeling~ sexy. Many a time I’ll make a jokingly “sexy” face, but it draws a laugh.
I wouldn’t take it so hard. If he got that kind of gift from you more often then he wouldn’t be so taken aback like this. Just my thoughts.
My experience is, couples rarely make it even as long as you guys have. If you feel disrespected, I would recommend planning your escape plan. It wouldn’t hurt to have your rebound in mind before breaking things off. This way you won’t be heartbroken one. I don’t doubt that your hot, and that he is lucky to have you. Unfortunately humans get board easily, and often take their partner for granted. I am giving you advice right from my x’s playbook. He was the one that didn’t derail his life and emotional well being like I did for way too long. I hate to say this but he probably has slept with other people already, men are fucking assholes!
He was caught off guard and thought the pose was funny. He laughed, he didn’t say “ew” or something. That position does sound pretty comical imo. He doesn’t think you’re funny *looking*. Relax and appreciate your 9 year relationship in which you’re still sexually excited by eachother. You’re only hurting yourself by allowing this to keep you up at night.
Sometimes people in the moment can be really inconsiderate and not be able to look at something from your perspective.
I accidentally made my boyfriend insecure because I started laughing when his cum shot into my eye while I was giving him a handjob. To me, it was hot that it was the much and had such force, but he ended up telling me that he was a bit embarrassed by it because I was laughing so hard. It didn’t even cross my mind that I’d need to tell him that I still found it attractive, even if it was a funny situation.
It could be helpful to take a bit to figure out your thoughts then explain to him how his reaction made you feel. It doesn’t matter what he meant by it because it didn’t make you feel good. You don’t need to justify negative feelings from being laughed at for him to be able to recognize that he needs to apologize and reassure you. Hopefully, he will be mature and communicate back with you!
Communicate, accept an apology, and hopefully you’ll never have to deal with this again. Or you can take the high ground and let this fester away and breed resentment.
It can be really demoralizing and crushing when you put yourself out there and feel vulnerable to have someone not only disregard your effort and labor, but to then feel mocked for it. That’s entirely valid and you should express all of that. If this is part of a pattern of his behavior then it’s a different story, but we can all have inappropriate and ill considered reactions on occasion.
I’d probably include a line, “given that reaction, and how much you have asked me for pics and vids, do you really expect me to be comfortable doing this again anytime soon? You only have yourself to blame.”
Even if his initial reaction was because of him being caught by surprise, his failure to acknowledge that he’s hurt your feelings is a huge red flag. Does he usually acknowledge his mistakes?
maybe u really did look silly? bfd.
just accept his apology and move on. theres no real benefit to stay in your chest about it just because he didnt give an acceptance speech for his apology
This is definitely hurtful, and I don’t blame you for being upset. I’ve been in a similar situation. It seems like he was just so surprised in the moment and wasn’t able to say the right thing. I’d explain your feelings again to him in a neutral environment and hopefully he’ll understand and give you some reassurance.
On the other hand, consider what happened a personal achievement in confidence and vulnerability that no one can take away. You felt sexy as hell and I’m sure you were!