Long title but at least it gets straight to the point.
I (22f) have known this wonderful human being(22nb) since we were just 15 year old school girls fawning over senior boys. We know literally everything about each other and we are almost inseparable. Last year we decided to part ways for some well needed self growth. We are still family nonetheless so we reunited this year but things have changed drastically for both of us. BUT they had changed for me for the better but for her, the worst. While I had found a community that I loved, an active nightlife, had a lot more friends, and a lot more money; she had little to know money, no job, no friends, gotten into drugs, and lastly a new girlfriend who had gotten her on said drugs.
She left her once and she talked to me the entire time. She was terrified of her girlfriend waking up because she knew that she would beat her again, she has almost broken her jaw and countless other things but the bottom line is that she is hurting her on a daily basis physically and mentally. My best friend is now suicidal and I’m terrified for her but sadly the manipulation has worked its way and now she refuses to leave out of fear of abandoning her gf. She just wants the pain to stop but doesn’t see that it would get better if she just left. She’s scared to leave but also scared to stay. A part of her is determined to stay and get her girlfriend to love her again. At one point she kept telling me that her girlfriend was literal sunshine but I just heard a phone call that points to her girlfriend being an abusive monster. She hurts her. A lot. But my best friend is still keen on staying and trying to make her girlfriend happy.
I understand that this is all just the manipulation working but I want to help and I don’t know how. I know that I should not leave her no matter what. I know that much I know that no matter how hard it gets to hear about the awful things that are happening that I should never leave her side but I just want to save her…and i don’t know how. The only thing that she knows about leaving her girlfriend is that she will break all of her stuff, which I think can easily be solved by gathering as much of it as possible while she is not there. But other than that I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to get my best friend mentally ready to leave and I also don’t know how to do it physically quite yet. I want to go about this the right way. Please help me.
Help me please…
TLDR; my best friend is more concerned with getting her girlfriend to love her again then leaving her abusive relationship
4 comments
Unfortunately you can’t make decisions for other people. You can only call the cops if you physically witness violence.
There’s nothing you can do until she decides she WANTS help
This is above Reddit’s paygrade. You need to be speaking to domestic abuse charities – they should at least be able to point you in the right direction. If your friend’s refusing to leave though, there’s only so much anyone can do.
It’s ultimately their decision to leave, but you could try asking them, “When will it be enough? What will it take for you to realize that your ‘literal sunshine’ who has gotten you hooked on drugs, broken your jaw, and makes you suicidal is a toxic person that you need to leave?” And then leave it at that. If they make excuses and want to stay, then you can only be supportive until they get the courage up to leave her.