Tl;DR : My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, and decided to work things out but he has slept with someone else while we were apart.
I went through a rough break up over a month ago, me and my boyfriend decided to break up we both were struggling mentally at the time and had some issues going on. The month was extremely difficult for me I missed him every day. We would talk regularly just to check up on each other. We both were dropping hints that we missed each other.
Last week he asked me to meet up, we met up and talked about our feelings and we talked about how much we missed each other and wanted to make things work. He told me he had to be honest with me and the time we had apart he had slept with someone else. I’m not gonna lie I’m absolutely heartbroken by this news. I understand we were both single at the time but I just can’t get it out of my head. He said he regrets it and it made him relieze how good of a relationship we had together. I really want to move forward and work through this but I just feel awful in myself, I feel extremely insecure I don’t want to feel this way I really want things to work out.
What can I do in this situation? Is it something that I can move on or can anyone relate? Really need advice on this.
7 comments
If you don’t think you can be with him anymore after this, then don’t be with him.
Let it go. You don’t really have any other option if you want to be with him. You’ll always resent him for something that isn’t *wrong*. He was single and you both had no intent of rekindling. That’s what you risk when you break up with someone. Do not sleep with him until he shows you his recent (after her) STI results.
you didn’t say how long you have been together but since it took less than one month after break up to put whatever feelings he had aside to sleep with someone else, it couldn’t have been that long.
if you were both so great together, you wouldn’t have broken up to begin with.
what about you? do you think your feelings would have gotten in the way if some attractive guy had come long for the opportunity? My guess is no and yet you are willing to accept the excuse. what if you had broken up for a week? 3 days? would it still be ok?
At some point you may have to accept that your relationship turned into a carnival game. heres 10 more rings, all you gotta do is land one on the bottle I wont tell you its rigged to lose, because you got time and money you can keep investing.
Exs become Exs for a reason, live divorces. They are the final word in a relationship, you only reach that point when things are so bad you both give up. But you think 1 month is all that was needed to fix everything. How much time and money you willing to pay for 10 more rings?
and for the record, nobody meets someone else that fast, unless you go out of your way to look for them.
People deal with things differently, some people jump into bed with a person to try and ease the pain of missing a person they think will never come back. If you can’t move forward from it I would recommend just staying apart. Don’t do anything that would impact your mental health and if you can’t move forward from it you are just dragging out the inevitable.
So, if you want to move on from this, you have to interrogate your own feelings.
A single person sleeping with another single person doesn’t mean anything. Him sleeping with her doesn’t *inherently* mean anything more than him sleeping with someone before he met you.
So your first step is to look inside your own head. What story are you putting on his behavior, how are you giving it meaning? What is the meaning that you’re giving it which is making it upsetting to you?
Yep. He missed you so much that he slept with someone else. Not relevant in this situation, but you hear this a lot from cheaters and people that sleep around while on “break” as well. The grass is always greener…..then they find out it isnt.
In any case, you need to take time away from him to figure out if you can get past it. You’re broken up anyway, break contact for awhile and get some personal time to think.
If you don’t think you can get over it, then don’t waste your time trying to make it work.
And if you do decide to try, he needs to know and understand that although you want to forgive and get past it, doesn’t mean that everything will be normal a week from now. This is a process and could be a week, a month, or a year. Too many people just assume that everyone can just say I forgive you and everything is normal again. Thats not how it works.
The thing is, it’s not like you cut contact. You were still talking, so obviously there was hope. I don’t think I would get over it.