My boyfriend went a couple of weeks without having sex with me. I tried my best to turn him on and do the best I can and he was never interested anymore. When we did have sex, he wanted to hurry up and get it over with when he was never like that. He only had sex with me when he felt the relationship was close to ending. Long story short, I found out he was cheating and the reason why he denied sex was because he was getting it else where. I feel terrible about myself and my body. I feel terrible because I wasn’t able to sexually satisfied him. I also don’t feel sexy anymore and don’t think my body is the best. I don’t want to have sex anymore and plan on being celibate but I’m afraid I won’t be able to satisfy my next partner. Is this feeling temporary?
3 comments
Yes, that feeling will almost certainly be temporary. It’s a natural response to a trauma like the one you’ve endured. Your self-image will bounce back eventually, especially as you start to heal from the overall pain of the breakup and betrayal.
Therapy might help, or even just talking it out with friends or journaling about your feelings.
1. Leave him if you didn’t already, it’s what’s best for your mental health and confidence in the long run.
2. It’ll take some time before you’re able to comfortably jump in with your next partner, so in the meantime make it a priority to love yourself. As a previous commenter said, it’s not you- it’s them. It’s his fault because he did what he wanted to do without any regard to your feelings. He’s a piece of shit, so don’t blame yourself. Consider this a win in your favor as there’ll be one less shitty person in your life.
Now back to what I mentioned earlier, love yourself first. You can start by saying affirmations every time you look at yourself in the mirror. Remind yourself constantly that you ARE sexy and your body IS amazing. Someone out there will love and cherish you, but the key factor to not losing yourself in the process is making sure you love and cherish yourself first. If you have to pamper yourself by getting your nails done or going to the salon, then so be it. If you want to pick up a new hobby to take your mind off things, then have at it. Put yourself first.
3. Nothing’s wrong with being celibate. Celibacy is usually the time when people get the best opportunity to focus on their mental being and clarity. Thus, take this time to discover more about yourself and maybe even the world too.
4. To answer your question, YES! This feelings is only temporary. Time does heal and eventually you’ll feel more better about yourself and everything in general. You can’t force maturity and commitment on anyone nor can you force a boy to be a man. It’s unfortunate that this is the route he chose to take, but hey, life goes on regardless so it’s best you do what you can to move forward too. He’s now the past, you’re the future. Godspeed.
I know it’s tough but don’t be mad at yourself, be mad at him. And leave him. Don’t try to fix yourself with him there and try to appeal to him or whatever. Work on yourself for yourself by yourself, and then whoever you end up with can enjoy the benefits of the you that you’re happy with.