I’m gonna try my best to explain this. I’ve had situations with partners/friends where they will not do certain things around me, especially in regards to partying/drinking/drug use. I don’t care about anyone doing any of these things as long as it’s not a problem they are struggling with. For example, my boyfriend didn’t smoke weed in front of me for a good five months of our relationship because he was afraid I’d be upset with him—- even though my mom smoked my whole childhood.
What gets me is that my friends or my partners will go out with other friends // events that I cannot attend and they will have a lot of fun partying and doing stuff that, personally, I’ve never seen them do. And I’m always stuck wondering: why can’t you and I do that? Have fun? Why can’t I see you get high or be fucked up? The other way around?
I’m not much of a drinker or into hard drugs but I like socializing and have fun either way. I’ve never been a party pooper! Honestly, it makes me super insecure about myself that people do this because I have no idea why! So what is it about me that makes people so timid about that stuff? Especially when I couldn’t give two sh*ts about it!
10 comments
maybe because they know you don’t smoke or drink so they choose not do it around you? have you ever just asked?
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Sounds like you’re just too tight for them, nobody who does drugs wants to be around someone who doesn’t want to do it themselves. Even if you’re not judging them, it’s just less comfortable to be around people who aren’t doing what you’re doing
E.g playing a party game and someone sits and doesn’t play instead of joining in
It isn’t your fault. As a drug user/drinker myself, I feel uncomfortable smoking or drinking around someone sober. I feel guilty and I don’t want to look like a fool. Also, I was in a relationship with a teetotaller and he used to shame me and make me feel absolutely terrible about smoking weed. So I’m anxious about doing it around anyone that might judge me poorly.
They just don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I can understand why it bums you out though.
Reading your other comments I’m thinking you just have strong boundaries for yourself and the people around you aren’t used to people like that. I found that people naturally tip-toe when you are sure of how you want to act and have standards for the way people should treat. I don’t think that’s on you to be honest. How to help this? Just show people that you’re not judging that by voicing it… often. It takes a while for ppl to learn and communication is always the answer.
It could also be they feel judged by you because you’re facial expressions appear as though you are (many friends think my confused face is a judgemental face).
A lot of redditors like sounding smart but only people who know you know the answers
Your friends could be hiding the worst parts about themselves because they find you to be someone they don’t want to lose a connection with. Why they don’t? Maybe they genuinely enjoy having you for company.
One bad reason for friends not inviting you to parties is because maybe they prioritize other friends over you or they just don’t want to invite you. It sounds really sad and it doesn’t feel good but that is all I’ve got for honesty.
(Please don’t take all of this too seriously I’m just a random dude on the internet with no professional experience)
I feel as though getting drunk or high is letting yourself be vulnerable. Someone who is also partaking is fun because their inhibitions and judgement are becoming impaired too. In other words, drunk and high people sometimes do or say things they normally wouldn’t and it gets interesting.
It’s not a bad thing you don’t do those things, you may have to surround yourself with those who are into other activities without substances. Your friends will definitely love you if you have a car, lol. It’s not personal, people don’t want to feel like they are pressuring others or being a bad influence either, even if the other person is okay with it.
Hope this helped, take care 🙂
Personally I like to be on the same level as everyone or a very close one since some people like to go to far and get shit faced but idk sober people aren’t the vibe for me when I’m partying. if you were at one of those events you would probably still feel excluded in the activities or others will feel like they are excluding you when they don’t want to do that. Maybe they are protecting you from the peer pressure that might happen while doing their activities or after they get drunk. But hey if you want to be included you could show up with some non-alcoholic alcohol and fake it till you make it😂
I think your putting of the vibe that makes people think you don’t approve even if you tell them you do. Lots of people say to others go ahead but it doesn’t feel like they mean it. So then doing the drugs or drinking feels weird or inappropriate around them. People who are drinking or on drugs are really sensitive to the environment. Anyways if asked people why and they tell you then believe them. That is how they see you Even if you are not that way. You might just have a teacher vibe but you don’t know it.