Sorry – word vomit ahead.
My husband and I have been married for 4 years. I often make comments about the sunset or make stupid jokes not necessarily for myself but more as a “bid” for connection, and often they go ignored. The same goes for physical affection. Hand touches and back rubs are rarely reciprocated. I’m sick of it.
The solution was to communicate my need for connection. I have done this more than once and clearly stated my needs. I don’t want to have to communicate that my needs aren’t being met so frequently.
The same man sends me the sweetest texts every morning before I go to work. But if it’s not being verbalized or shown in person, I wonder if his sweet messages are sent in obligation.
Sometimes I dread going to dinner with just us 2, because I try to make conversation and it goes nowhere.
I do believe he loves me, but I find myself craving connection, and feeling as if I am not cared about. What is this? What do you even call this? I don’t feel this way every day, and I don’t fear that he does not care for me, but sometimes it just feels so crappy. Is this just long-term relationship complacency, or could there be bigger issues that I am oblivious to?
3 comments
im in 100% the same situation , I want affection without having to beg for it but it just isnt happening and honestly I have one foot out the door…. you can only go so long feeling unloved and asking , pleading for love and affection before you start to resent it. someone told me ( after complaining to them about how I have expressed my needs over and over to him ) that ” look he is a grown man and if he wanted to , he would” and it opened my eyes alot…
So you have told him your needs and wants and you have made attempts to initiate only to not have it returned…. has he explained what he feels in these moments when you have expressed your dissatisfaction? Does he have anxiety issues or depression? What does he have to do to express his needs for intimacy? Does he know these attempts of initiation are that or what does he think they are? What was his parents relationship like? What is his love language? When you have the “talks” do you ask him to repeat back what was said?
If you are verbalizing your wants and needs and they aren’t being reciprocated then you need to ask him what’s the deal. It’s not fair for someone to say they love you and not show that on a physical, mental, and spiritual level. For it should be natural if they love you. Love is an action and comes in many forms but it’s an ACTION. Not just a word.
Your husband is supposed to be your best friend as well, someone you can say all those small little things to…