I (18f) have been best friends with Kate (18f) for a couple of years now (all of the names in this post are fake for anonymity). I’ve know Kate’s twin Ben (18m) for a while now, as we’ve been in a lot of the same classes since middle school, and we’ve gotten closer lately.
Ben’s generally been known as the weird kid for a while, who makes bad jokes and has generally weird mannerisms. He’s recently, however, grown a lot as a person lately and doesn’t shy away from his “weird” side. He’s honestly and truly himself and I think that’s one thing that really draws me to him, and to be honest has been for a while now. I think I realized that I might like him today. I had a couple of friends over today, including Ben, for my birthday. He got me an honestly dumb shirt for my birthday, but I absolutely love it. I never want to take it off and I want him to see me wearing the shirt that he bought me and see how happy I am about it. I had a blast at the party, and I realized as the day went on how much I love spending time with him, joking around and teasing each other. I think that I’m slowly falling for him.
There’s a couple things stopping me from acting on my feelings and make me really guilty for having them or ever having had them.
First of all, he’s Kate’s TWIN brother. Not even just her brother, her TWIN. I don’t want to feel like I’d have to choose between “who’s the better twin” with them because I really love having Kate as my best friend, and having a relationship with someone in her family might come between us. It’s also just weird and awkward to tell your best friend that you like their brother, like she can’t even try to reason in her head why I’d find him attractive and i don’t want it to be weird between us for that and other reasons.
Here’s what really guilts me: I have a girlfriend right now. Sophie (18f) has been my girlfriend for only about a month and a half now and I still really like her, but I also like Ben at the same time. Maybe I’m polyamorous or something, but despite the possible identity crisis I still feel insanely guilty.
tl;dr I like my best friend’s twin brother and theres issues enough with liking your best friend’s twin, but I also have a girlfriend and now I’m having an identity issue.
I honestly don’t know what to do with myself or how to feel about this. I’m so lost. Does anyone have any thoughts about this?
3 comments
Don’t string along the other girl. Let her go and move on.
I wouldn’t go straight to polyamory, you could be however right now isn’t a good time to explore that. Not to mention it’s easy to like both people and really want to find a way to make it work. If you’re that attached to Ben and don’t want to remove the feelings or yourself from it, let Sophie go and shoot your shot. I wouldn’t tell her upfront it’s because of Ben but let her down easy if it’s good for you. Give it some time to talk with Ben, when you’re sure of your feelings you should tell him or drop hints after telling Kate about it. She definitely deserves to know as your bsf.
You are only 18 and, pardon me, you aren’t emotionally mature yet. Your frontal lobes aren’t fully developed yet. (You can ask your psychology teacher).
You are going to fall in “love” very easily with many people. The feelings will be very intense. That’s part of growing up. It will allow down once your brain is fully mature.
First, don’t shit where you eat. If you must shit, shit somewhere else. Also, it isn’t falling in love with her brother. It is infatuated with her brother.