I’ve gone on dates with 10+ people after my breakup, and all the guys have been interested in me afterwards (follow up texts, asked me out again etc, due to travel/school/covid outbreaks on my end I did not go on any second dates w them) but no one had attempted to kiss me on those first meets. Tbh i had felt a lot of anxiety about kissing after my breakup, so i kinda didn’t wanna kiss anyone, but clearly that rang through to signal the guys? I just wonder how they knew. i am going on another date this week with someone i \*would\* wanna kiss, so i wanna see how i can adjust my energy or create a vibe.
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If you want to kiss him, ask him if you can (consent goes both ways), then go for it! I’ve had great results by just taking some initiative.
In terms of vibes, personally, I’ll touch their shoulder or knee during conversation, give a long or tight hug, hold eye contact with a little smile.
95% of questions on here can be answered with “honest communication”
He doesn’t. He just randomly gambles, and then generally learns to blow off the consequences. If you actively communicate and actually discuss your feelings, it’s worth considering that you’ll lower your chances of a guy that prefers to gamble.
If you’re a woman, you physically put yourself in a position to be kissed. When you’re saying goodbye hold still for an extra second and keep hold of his arm or waist. Look him in the eye and smile a little bit. Keep holding. Bring your head in to position where it will be easy for him to lean and kiss and you wait. He’ll either take the bait or not, but you’ve done your piece.
Or you can just look at him and be like ‘are you going to kiss me or am I going home disappointed?’
Ok if I’m going to be honest (as a guy) I never really know. I usually just wait and see if they are lingering before we call it a night, and then lean in and hope for the best.
If I wait for the linger then almost all of the time we kiss.
But. And it’s a big but. And it doesn’t lie.
Sometimes they don’t want a kiss at all and it gets really awkward. So there’s that.
I would linger and wait and keep your stance open (no crossed arms for example) and see if they lean in. And then you can lean in too.
I truly wish guys wouldn’t try to kiss me on the first date either. Especially with tongue. Not even sure if I like them in a chemistry type of way just yet, and what if I don’t? -uncomfortable-
I just know the way they look at me
Id say do some flirting and respond well to that, I always think my give away is the way I look at them, you can kind tell in my eyes that it’s like “oh go on kiss me”
Without vocalising. I think the way you position yourself, or hold urself too. And maybe u could give some clues by maybe touching his arm and lean forward as you laugh if he makes you laugh. U know 😉
If there’s a bit of that silence moment where time seems to be freezing for a few seconds. Ask him what’s on his mind.. he might tell you all he’s thinking of kissing you (I got more than once and I thought it was hella romantic) and then you can say “well why don’t you then?”
Or .. if you feel more forward and don’t want to do any of that. Just cheekily ask for one ! 😉
Just some thoughts 😉
If I was unsure I would just ask. I don’t want to go in for the kiss if that’s not what she wants, that will feel terrible for both of us. I don’t want her to feel like I’ve crossed a boundary without permission.
I also think it would be pretty cool if I was on a date with someone and she asked me if I wanted to kiss her.
1. They read your body language
2. People aren’t really just “going for it” because we’re actually starting to utilize consent more – which is fantastic
3. You don’t need to create a vibe. If their into you, all you have to do is ask. I always ask before I do anything intimate, and ask what they like in terms of intimacy
Yes, often a guy can tell that a woman is uncomfortable with kissing. Sometimes a good moment for a kiss happens in a conversation (a long pause, some moment when the vibe is right). And if in that moment the girl shows discomfort or tries to kill the vibe, or backs off guys notice that. Many interpret that as sugn of disintrest too.
They didn’t try to kiss you because they saw that you were uncomfortable. And apparently you didn’t meet creeps who’d try to push through your discomfort, so kudos on that.
When you find a guy whom you actually want to kiss, just ask “may I kiss you?” at a good moment on your date. You’ll never hear a “no” in response. 🙂
“Wanna give me a kiss?”
I think in the current climate, guys are afraid to take charge bc of all the allegations they could get hit with if they assume wrong.
If you want to be kissed, ask “I’d really like to kiss you right now, can I?” Or play coy, “If you wanted to kiss me, I’d like that.” Worst that happens is he says no and that’s not that bad.
Women want to be equal so we can equally initiate physical contact if that’s what we want.
I’m a 37/m, I haven’t gone on a date in forever but when I have I automatically don’t push a kiss on the first date, it’s an old-fashioned stance on my end even if I want to and it stems from wanting to make sure I am being respectful.
Of course, some rules were made to be broken, but this is only if the vibe from the woman leaves no room for doubt. If you’re looking to make this vibe clear from your end, I would glance between his lips and his eyes and follow the method taught in the movie “Hitch” 🙂
I will just speak from my own experience. When I vibe with someone, and there is a lot of smiling/laughing, maybe some arm touches, looking at each other in the face/eyes while talking, usually they will go in for a kiss at some point. If I don’t feel a connection, I’m probably giving some half-assed smiles. I have RBF, so in those situations, they’re probably too intimidated to even try.
On the most recent first date I went on, we were cracking up non-stop. He just leaned in without warning and kissed me while we were sitting at the bar. Then out of the blue, the guy I dated back in May-June was asking for a second chance. He said I “scared the hell” out of him because the way I looked at him made him start falling for me… All that to say, I think a big part of it is genuinely smiling and your eyes. If you were having anxiety about kissing, I am willing to bet it came through on your face, and that was how they got the signal.
Often times the chemistry is just so strong that I don’t even have to think about it. I’m not sure you can *create* chemistry, but you can certainly open to door for it. Flirting, smiling, light touching goes a long way. Assuming he’s receptive, he’ll return the favor, and you’ll have built up some palpable chemistry by the end of the night. if you have not been kissed on your past dates, you’re probably coming off a bit too platonic. Which isn’t a dealbreaker on a first date but I’d definitely save the kiss until I felt more chemistry.
Pro tip: if you think a kiss could be in your future and want to maximize the likelihood, try planning your parting moments wisely and linger a bit before you part ways. When I know I want to kiss someone at the end of the night, I try to end the date in a semi-private place that doesn’t require a very public display of affection. Up to your comfort level of course, don’t follow him into a dark alley obviously but also not at like 2pm in the middle of Starbucks.
On my first date ever in 10 years, I noticed that the girl would touch me often, grab my hand, deep eye contact, etc. which led me to believe she was attracted.
At the end of the date I just asked “Do you mind if I kiss you?” and that was enough to get us making out.
Don’t focus on your energy or creating a vibe. Just be verbally open about kissing. Even asking consent to kiss them works. Or having a quick talk about their expectations for physical intimacy where you can share what you wrote here – “It’s a bit stressful for me on first dates and generally I don’t like to kiss on the 1st date. But since this is our second date and I’m digging the connection we’re having, I’d be open to a kiss if you are”.
They don’t. As a guy you don’t really know if she’s had a good time. You don’t know if she liked you and wants to see you again. I’ve had dates I thought went well for it turn out she definitely didn’t feel the same way. The only thing you do know is she’s extremely unlikely to initiate the kiss. So this often leads to an uncomfortable situation at the end of the date. Is she expecting me to go for it? Is that what she even wants? Do you go for the kiss and potentially overstep a boundary with someone that doesn’t like you? Of course not going for it can also make her think you don’t like her.
It’s a weird, uncomfortable pressurised situation. It isn’t hard to see why some guys decide not to bother at all. If you don’t bother at all you take the pressure and potential embarrassment off yourself and you’re not potentially making someone uncomfortable or upset. It makes a lot of sense to go for it on a second date when you know she likes you. I’ve definitely had awkward, embarrassing situations trying to go for the kiss with someone not interested in the past on a first date.
1. Sometimes the moment is just right. You’re sitting on a bench down by the river with your arm around her shoulders. She’s nestled into your shoulder a bit. The two of you keep looking at each other. You both lean in.
2. Sometimes I just ask (or have been asked by women, which I always appreciate). I have no game, but if I feel things went well on a second or third date I’ve said something like: “I had a great evening, may I kiss you goodnight?”
I felt like I wrote this. I have had so much anxiety over kissing that I haven’t kissed a guy in almost a year. I’m only used to kissing my ex. Almost 2 years now without sex. And the longer I go, the more anxious I get. That I won’t remember how or won’t be good enough.
It doesn’t help that none of the guys I’ve gone on dates with have tried to kiss me, despite wanting second dates.
Typically I really don’t like kissing on the first date. You go from complete stranger to making out in a few hours and I like time after the first date to assess how I feel.
That being said, The last two first dates I’ve had, both men asked me and it was nice.
If they don’t give you the cheek when you move in for the kiss
A man never really knows for sure. For me, the risk/reward doesn’t make sense to go for a kiss on the first date unless the date has gone on for literally several hours and the signs are sooo obvious. This is rarely the case. It is much safer for me to just wait to see if I get a second date, and if so, the probabilities of getting rejected for a kiss on the second date are so extremely low it helps bolster the confidence to just do it.
If I try for the kiss on the first date, it’s just simply too risky for the reward. If someone likes me, I highly doubt they wouldn’t see me for a second date just because I didn’t kiss them. And even if that did end up being the case, I’m probably not compatible with that person then to begin with.
I never initiate kissing on the first date, and extremely rarely on the second. (most of the time, first date is a shorter coffee/walk just to make sure they’re not completely insane and I want to get to know them more anyway).
I usually wait by date 3-4 to make a move; at that point I assume that if they are still going out with me then they are interested.
3-4 dates usually covers the span of 1-2 weeks for me, with decent text communication all throughout. That’s what it takes for me to feel good about initiating a romantic relationship with someone.
I’ve been on hundreds of dates over the past 3.5 years as a 45 yr old guy. My general rule is not to make ANY move on a first date. This is a feeling out period, or date zero as some people call it. Back in the day when you went on a first date with someone you generally had already seen them in person (at a bar, at church, work, sports events, et…) and already knew there was some chemistry. On OLD dates you have no clue. If a woman agrees to go out a second time that generally (but not always) means she felt some attraction, and then I will start breaking the touch barrier and seeing how she reacts. That feels much safer to me as a guy who wants to be respectful.
That said, there have been a handful of dates that did end up with a kiss on the first date. Generally, there was great chemistry and the woman was super obviously into me. But that’s the exception that proves the rule.
To a guy I would say: You sit close. There’s some touching going on. Look at her eyes, then her lips, then her eyes again. If you sense “Yes!”, lean closer and let her meet you halfway.
If she constantly looks or glances at your mouth and lips, it’s *generally* a sign.
Men do it as well.
There is ALWAYS a moment where you will stop talking and hold each other’s gaze, both thinking the same thing: do I kiss now?
The answer is to lean in immediately after you realize your in that gaze. It will instantly trigger to move in as well.
You must be young, normally these things just work out naturally. If the vibe is right, the conversation is great the urge to kiss will magically bring both of you closer and then if he wants to be a gentleman he’ll ask if he can kiss you, if he’s feeling brave and confident in his read he’ll come in for the kiss. Viola!
My last 1st date which was 31 years ago our date lasted 11.5 hours. We went cruising for a bit 2 nights before but I dont consider that a date even though she did meet my parents. I met her after she got off work then followed her to her house where I had to meet her mom. After that we headed towards Bloomington Indiana and stopped in state park on the way and fed deer. I drove a stick shift so I asked you want to learn the shift pattern and help me shift which was my excuse to hold her hand. We finally made it to Bloomington and got lost. Eventually we hit a red light and I just asked can I have a kiss so we started kissing then everytime we hit a red light one of us would say red light then make out until the light changed or say damn green light give me a kiss anyway. We went to eat then walked the mall holding hands and kissing. Eventually we went to an airport and watched the lights and made out. Took her home and gave her good night kisses. We were engaged 3 weeks later, married 14 months to the day of our 1st date and married 12 days shy of our 30 year anniversary and I was holding her hand when she passed away 4 months ago.
The lingering, the physical contact and open body language, hugging more than once or a long hug with her pressing her body against me always signals that they are probably open.
Lingering around after dinner or whatever activities you just finished. Not in a rush to leave. Sustained eye contact during this, plus staying somewhere close within my personal space.
Might be foggy, but i think i see the runway lights. Im going in…
If you don’t want to be kissed: avoid lingering eye contact when you two are close enough to lean in for a kiss.
If you want to be kissed: make lingering eye contact when you two are close enough to lean in for a kiss.