I often thought I’m my own enemy and being too judgemental with people I date. I’m not judgemental when asking questions but some level of connection and compatibility is what I look for silently. With those in mind, I rarely (almost never) find someone to go out with the second time.
Recently I tried my best to like people who clearly did not attract me and had those basic traits I look for. That led to dissatisfaction, attracting wrong attention from completely wrong kinds of people.
Not sure if this is the way one should go or is it better to keep the filters/boundaries on?
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Some people can grow to like people.
Some people can’t grow to like people.
For me, I’ve never and, likely, never will be able to grow to like someone. I’ve tried in the past and it simply wasted my, and their, time. So now I don’t do that. If it’s not there, I call things off as soon as I realize there’s no connection worth pursuing (which has happened tons of time after only one date).
I’m sure you know what kind of person you are when it comes to this, so date accordingly.
I always try to like the person I’m dating. If nothing is immediately incompatible or glaringly awful, and they think the same about me lmao, we continue dating.
I’ve grown to like people before but only in the context of friends and never in the context of people I meet online with the intention of dating. I’ve been thinking about this too precisely because I haven’t been able to find people I like and I tend to give a chance to people for longer than I should and it ends up with some of them thinking I’ve led them on when it wasn’t my intention.
I either like people or I don’t. Try not to overthink it.
I tend to give a little more time to women I meet online, since my view is that it takes a bit to “get comfortable” and see if you could like someone from OLD. Only if a significant dealbreaker or incompatibility comes up, will I bow out before having 2-3 dates. But for me to continue beyond that, as I’m sure is the case for most people, I would need a decent sense of chemistry, attraction and compatibility.
In my 20s, I would invest too much time and energy in women I was attracted to but had too many red flags that I was in denial about. Live and learn to stay true to your preferences and boundaries.
Of course.
I’m primarily attracted to certain physical qualities. If someone has them I will typically do mental gymnastics to avoid aknowledging a lack of personal chemistry to make it work.
…it never does.
Yeah, I let something go on longer than I should have in April. I’m still kind of kicking myself. He had basically every single one of my personal dealbreakers that weren’t red flags, plus I wasn’t super attracted to him. Nice guy but so very obviously not for me. Yet I was still desperate enough to keep trying. Ugh.
Yes I tried to like a guy that I was immediately not into upon meeting. Ended up being super possessive after three dates, tried to coerce me into getting baptized, recited me a prayer off of his Lord’s Prayer necklace that was swinging in my face as we *attempted* to have sex, he was face to face with my vagina at one point and he was talking to it. Sounds like a horror movie but it was just me trying to talk myself into being interested in someone I was clearly not. Dating desperation at its finest
You match with the person, assumingly have some cursory conversation, and then meet in-person. There may be some disparity either in who you’re matching with, improvements in your screening process, or maybe some assessment of why you’re not attracted.
Is there some common characteristics you’re into without you knowing? For example, I was so use to pursuing that when I was pursued I was initially less attracted to them, and almost screwed up a good thing.
Mmm, if there is no attraction or chemistry on the first date why continue? Take notice of how you are feeling/thoughts, ect. Anyone can learn to like anything. Only pursue if you want to, if you dont then dont. Simple