I (34m) have been dating a single mom (30f) for about 14 months now. She’s been very good to me, but my issues with her have reached a boiling point.
1. One big issue I have with her is her lack of cleanliness, she currently resides in a hoarder house and is unbothered living in filth and squalor. I need to change clothes after every time I visit her because of the smell.
2. My second big issue is that she does not take very good care of herself, she eats poorly and is completely sedentary. She has expressed a desire of losing weight, but is unwilling to make any lifestyle changes to address it.
3. Lastly is her financial discipline. She works a decent job and earns more than me, but spends her earnings impulsively. She has no savings or investments squirreled away, and struggles paying some of her bills.
When I bring these issues up with her, she’d address them when she’s in a better head space or once we progress our relationship (*moving in, marriage*). Recently she’s told me she’s never been happier, but when I inquire if her head-space is good enough to address these issues, she gets defensive.
I’m currently beginning to have SERIOUS doubts about a future with this woman because it feels like she’s passing off all of her baggage onto me without taking responsibility of if herself.
2 comments
The issues you have mentioned are usually associated with trauma and sometimes mental health issues. She definitely needs some counseling to assist her with getting on track with cleanliness and financials. Do not get deeper into this relationship until she shows progress on working on herself.
So the thing about hoarders is that typically it’s related to unresolved childhood trauma. It’s actually a problem to a point that there are psychiatrists that specialize with the disorder. Basically she needs therapy, if she’s unwilling to go at all I’d say break ties because she can’t get better on her own. Which is sad but I understand not wanting to live your life like that.