Ok so the obvious answer is to cut it off but I need to write this out to process and get some other eyes on the situation at hand. Me and this guy met in may, and started seeing each other as a potential romantic deal you know, going on dates, sleeping over, all that. Somewhere a month or two later we came to the conclusion that we weren’t ready to date and stopped seeing each other for a bit. Eventually fell back into a fwb situation but always agreed to be sexually exclusive for safety reasons. But here I am catching feelings, and I feel weird about it because I know we wouldn’t necessarily go good together as partners but I find myself wanting to try. He maintains that he’s not ready for a relationship and I don’t really push it because the current situation is fine for me right now, I can just see things getting dicey in the future from how it’s going. The sex is not casual at all, very intimate, cuddling afterward, the whole nine. But it feels like we’re both using each other to fill a void which is the point of fwb. It gets weird here. He asked me to hang out this week and I ended up canceling because I didn’t want to complicate our arrangement by catching more feelings by spending regular quality time with him. I just find it strange that we already tried to go into this with dating in mind and it didn’t work, and now he suddenly wants to see me outside of having sex again. I feel like i’m shut off to the possibility because we’ve already established that it won’t work, and i’m not interested in being led on. Ive gotten the whole “maybe in the future” thing from him, but I know better than to wait on someone to commit. I also feel that he won’t try again after being shot down by me for this one hangout, and if he doesn’t that’s great but if he does i’m not sure what i’ll do. I do like him and i’d love to just say f it lets see where this goes, but i’m deathly afraid of getting hurt by him and he doesn’t show enough interest for me to put my fears on the backburner. It’s just where we are in the fwb thing that we’re fine not talking for a few days, just to hookup and that’s it and I assume that’s because he doesn’t actually like me all that much. I guess we’ve had some longer conversations recently but I’m just confused as to where this energy came from. What’s this sound like to you? I just want to preserve my sanity at this point.
3 comments
Have you tried to have a serious discussion with him about this matter?
You fear rejection and he fears commitment, that’s the psychopathology awkwardly playing out here. The sum parts = a FWB arrangement
This exact situation happened to me earlier this year. All I can say is that if the guy admitted to not wanting a relationship he will never change his mind. I went crazy with myself trying to figure out what was wrong with me that this guy wanted to have intimate sex and all the relationship stuff but not call it that for months until I realized he was just using me to make himself feel good and then telling me “I warned you I wasn’t ready to commit” when I asked for more. I really hope that you take care of your needs over his. If you feel like you want more it might be a good idea to tell him directly and cut him off if he doesn’t want more. He very well might be open to it though! I hope he is!