A few nights ago while my wife of 9 years was out of town, I received a text message at 3am saying “Hey swirly_bird, I just wanted to let you know your wife Jen (fake name) is cheating on you.”
It was someone claiming to be the wife of the guy she was cheating with.
She said that they were on a break at the time so she wasn’t too upset with him but once she found out Jen was married she wanted to let me know.
She said that he was a contractor and named several cities nearby me that he worked in. She said that she wasn’t sure how they met but that she found my wife’s number on his Google account and when she searched it our names came up.
I searched the number she had and our names did in fact come up.
I’ll say now that my wife and I have had some problems over the last couple years. I love her more than anything. I know she loves me too, but she has admitted that she’s not really “in love” with me the way she used to be. She’s brought up divorce a few times but I know that’s not what either of us really want, we just want to be happy together like we used to be. I know that she needs more from me, and I’ve been working really hard to show her that I am the man that she always dreamed about.
My insecurities got the best of me and I started to wonder if there was any truth to it.
I love my wife so much and I’ve always trusted her 100% but hearing all of this was really taking a toll on me.
I started shaking and my heart rate jumped up to about 130, it stayed this way for the next 12 hours.
I continued talking to the woman, she was giving me details and dates of when my wife and her husband had met up, places they had been together, the things that he told her they had done sexually.
I tried to cross reference the dates between our calendars and my text messages but because of my wife’s job she often works late and travels out of town. I have a terrible memory and in the state I was in I just couldn’t make myself sure that it was lies.
This woman wanted to talk on the phone because she was scared that her husband would find the text messages somehow. I agreed and I talked to her.
I’ve dealt with scammers quite a bit, I’ve heard a million scams and they frequent r/scams quite a bit. I’m always the person that can jump in and say “that sounds like a scam”.
This woman sounded totally normal and like she could be local to my area. We talked for about 20 minutes, she sounded concerned gave more details, nothing that I could confirm 100% though. She never brought up anything that would make me feel like it was a scam.
She said that he and my wife had met up in an apartment and that there was a toddler there the same age as our toddler.
She wouldn’t give me his information besides a first name and the first three and last two numbers of his phone number so that I could check her contacts. She did send me two pictures of herself and her husband together.
I didn’t sleep at all that night. I didn’t know what to think and I couldn’t get myself to calm down. I didn’t want to believe that my whole life was over, I didn’t want to think that this person that I loved and trusted more than anything could do this. But I didn’t know why somebody would message all these things and call me.
I definitely considered that it could be a scam or possibly someone from mine or my wife’s past that wanted to hurt us and break us apart.
The woman continued texting me into the next day, this would be the day my wife came back from out of town.
Eventually I decided I didn’t want to talk to this person and I told them that none of it mattered to me anymore because I was going to kill myself.
I absolutely did not have any plans to kill myself.
My hope was that if this was a scammer or somebody that was just trying to hurt us, that they would fold and tell me that it wasn’t real. I really wanted to know for certain that it wasn’t real before I brought it up to my wife because I didn’t want to damage our marriage further.
They didn’t fold and told me not to hurt myself.
I ignored the number and waited for my wife to get home.
I’ll interject here and say that we’ve been on hard financial times for a while and we’ve been living with her parents. It’s not ideal and causes a lot of stress for both of us.
When my wife got home she came down to our bedroom and I asked her mom to watch our toddler for a little bit. I held up a picture of the guy the woman accused her of sleeping with and asked if my wife knew who it was.
I looked into her eyes and she was so confused, she had no idea. I knew in that moment that none of it was true. I broke down crying, and she just kept asking what was going on. I told her and she was concerned that someone had gotten her information somehow and was trying to do something to her or ruin her business.
I called the number that the woman had given me and another woman answered and screamed at me that this was harassment and that she was going to file a suit if I didn’t leave her alone.
Not 2 minutes later the police showed up. They had received a call that I was going to kill myself and came to do a wellness check.
Of course this threw everything into overdrive, now we had to explain to her family what was going on and I made everything 100 times worse. The police took turns talking to me and my wife both of us assuring them that I was not going to harm myself and we told them the whole situation.
It turns out that the number was the wrong area code but otherwise the exact number for the original landline for my wife’s family’s house and that’s why their names were connected.
Eventually everything kind of calmed down, but things are not okay between my wife and I.
She read through the messages and thinks that it was obviously a scam of some kind. She’s really upset that I don’t trust her and she blames herself for that because of the problems we’ve had. I can tell she’s trying to act normal but every time I’ve tried to give her a kiss or get close to her I feel coldness.
I feel like this is a nightmare that I can’t wake up from. Our marriage was on a really positive trajectory and things were getting so much better, and now I feel like there’s no hope.
I wish I knew what I could say to make up for this and to let my wife know that I love her and trust her 100%. I wish there was some way I could fix this or go back in time and not be such an idiot.
I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I wish whoever did this could feel the pain I’m in now and know the damage and the hurt that they caused our family.
How can I possibly repair this?
TLDR I received a series of texts and calls telling me my wife was cheating on me in a fairly convincing manner while she was on a business trip, I struggled with insecurity about it but I believe her 100% now that I talked to her face-to-face, she thinks I don’t trust her and I fear irreparable damage has been done to our marriage. As a bonus now her whole family knows about it and the cops were called on me
14 comments
What is the scam exactly? At what point were they going to ask you for money? This is terrible I’m sorry this happened.
I forgot to add after the cops showed up my father-in-law mentioned that he got a text that morning saying that his daughter was cheating and trying to blackmail someone. He didn’t respond and deleted it.
Honestly it doesn’t sound like a scam, more like someone out there has something against your wife and you. From the sounds of it, they at least know her on the surface level
I’m so confused on how a scammer would have all this information on you and your wife. Scams aren’t usually so well researched.
Are you sure this isn’t someone that is specifically fucking with you or your wife because of some grudge? Or that your wife isn’t actually cheating?
Like what was the end goal if this was a “scam”?
OP – this really sounds like a targeted harassment campaign against your wife and you just happen to be collateral damage.
At this stage you need to sit down with your wife and try and work out why this is happening and who could possibly be behind it. Something is fishy here and the fact that her father was also approached means that it’s someone close to her either professionally or personally.
This is not your fault though and your reaction is understandable. Your wife though – knowingly or unknowingly – may have an idea of who is behind this.
I’d approach it from this angle. Get angry at whoever did this and not get angry at yourself for falling for it.
Buddy, first take a really deep breath.
Whatever is going on is directed at your wife very specifically. They came at you and they came at her father to try to destroy her. It doesn’t sound like a scam – more like harassment and stalking. This must feel SO very violating to her.
At this point, i’d focus on 2 things – you guys getting into couples counseling and finding a PI to gather the information necessary to pursue legal interventions against whoever this is. They aren’t going to stop. They made enough of a wave that they are going to keep it up. Quite honestly, I’m concerned that next time they might do something even more destructive. I’m especially concerned because the person brought up your child.
Lock down ALL social media for both of you. Anything personal. Its time to lock down everything you guys can, circle the wagons and be a team.
This doesn’t sound like a scam, when we’re they gonna ask for money? How did they know so much about your wife?
Assuming it’s fake although we haven’t seen any evidence of that…
I wouldn’t discount this tbh and I dislike your wife’s reaction. Ofc her actions have weakened the relationship so why tf is she making herself the victim? And getting angry at you for an “obvious scam” (this is far from an obvious scam) is fishy af imo
There is nothing you have to repair…
She told you she doesn’t love you the way she used to love u and obviously treated you in a way that you thought this scam could be real.
It’s completely on her, and you should ask yourself if this relationship is realy what makes you happy.
If it was a scam and the number they searched was a google number, how did they get your address or your FIL number? And why would a scammer call and send the police to your house for a wellness check?
None of this makes sense for it to be a scam. I’m not saying you’re wife is cheating, I’m saying this wasn’t done by a stranger trying to scam you.
You need to get emotionally centered and think logically through this. There is a chance your wife is lying. I am not saying she is, but it is possible
You have the power to turn this around. Only way is to start courting your wife again, remain positive and emotionally centered. NO one wants to be with an emotionally uncentered person. When you go on a date, take her to 2 or 3 places so she can start opening up, if she’s into that sort of thing.
Get back to the gym, get new clothes, get some new hobbies if you have time (hiking, biking, reading about relationships, etc.), socialize a little more and drink a little less, date your wife again. If you can find these extra 10-12 hours a week, instead of TV/gaming/sitting on the couch, it will change your relationship dramatically and positively.
Before you can do ANY of that, you need to get your finances in order. This is a hard truth bro, but the reality is that women have a lot of options these days and it’s easier than ever for them to date. In unhappy marriages, it’s only a matter of time if you can’t figure it out. If you can turn the finances around, your chances of fixing this go up dramatically.
Check out Coach Corey Wayne. That fucking guy would have saved the relationship to the girl I wanted to marry, but we both needed to grow.
Read the book, “How to be a 3% Man” and also buy the book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” Even you if you are reading this shit in front of your wife, before bed for example, will show you are trying and will increase attraction.
I feel like you’re in for a rude awakening, whatever it’s going to be.
You did nothing wrong. You believed your wife when she said she’s not in love with you anymore, and then you got manipulated by some crazy ass psycho.
Your belief that you need to prove to your wife that you’re the man “she’s always dreamed about”, coupled with you taking on blame for things you’re not to blame for, makes you sound naive and like a people pleaser.
I wouldn’t be surprised if your wife knows more about this incident than she lets on.
A scammer wouldn’t call the police by the way. This is some person who knows you in some form or another.
If something like this would cause irrepairable damage to your relationship it wasnt that strong to begin with..
That’s tough. It might have seemed obvious to her because she knows she isn’t cheating but if you are coming in already worried about your relationship and someone out of the blue reaffirming what you felt (that your wife didn’t really live you anymore) it becomes increasingly hard to be rational. You’ve apologized. I would assume you also told her why you got so insecure and believed the scam in the first place too. Now it is kind of all in her court to forgive and let go. Hopefully step in your shoes a little and try to empathize.
Resolve to let this incident make your marriage stronger. You two need counseling, btw.