Hi all. Long story short, my ex and I dated for almost 4 years and broke up a bit over 2 ago. We had a very rough breakup (he couldn’t bear with the distance anymore) and it took a huge toll on my mental health for the longest time. We made up last year and although I was getting some mixed signals from him (as in trying to flirt), we remained “friends”.
Last year he said that if I ever wanted to visit the States again I could stay at his place and I came up with the idea earlier this year. Now that I’m here, I totally regret it. He feels overly distant for someone that has been so important in his life (I’m quoting his words because he said that I am indeed important). Not interested in what’s going on in my life or my future plans, which I have asked him about. My biggest mistake is that I have let my feelings come into play, deep down I was hoping that he would like me back even if none of us want to get back. I feel stupid and lonely.
I thought about leaving earlier because I’ve been doing nothing but crying in the room I’m staying. His family knows what’s up and he said that none of them feel uncomfortable with me even if I have confessed my feelings towards him. I do want to book a hotel for tonight since I’m leaving the country tomorrow. I just feel like a terrible person for doing so, but for the first time ever I’m sticking up for myself. I’m planning on cutting all contact because after all these years I still have feelings for him and I need to stop thinking about what wasn’t meant for me.
Any advice on how to say this without hurting them?
He did mention his dad saying that someone might get hurt from the trip and I answered that I was just thinking about cool plans, but never really had the conversation where we establish what our relationship was going to be like once we saw each other. This is the first time seeing each other after the breakup.
TL;DR: Visited my ex after not seeing each other for two years and it’s being a lot harder on me than I originally anticipated, which makes me want to leave.
2 comments
You are exes for a reason and really staying there was a terrible idea. I would thank his parents for their hospitality and kindness and close this chapter of your life.
Stop thinking so hard about what these people think of you. They may not be uncomfortable, but you are. Just be honest that things didn’t work out as planned and you have rescheduled activities to enjoy the vacation a bit, so you’re getting out of their hair. There’s no downside, if they think you’re a rude a-hole, you’re gone from their lives anyways.
In a few months, this is going to be a story of awkwardness you can look back on and laugh a bit. It just sucks when you’re in the middle of it. So get out.