Hey reddit I really need some wise suggestions from yall.
So my parents have always been very generous with us siblings (me 29F, bro 32M, sis 25F) moneywise, however my mom never liked me. She always said that I have been a problem child from day one, so much that she had post partum depression with me, also the fact that I did not accept her milk was like a rejection for her.
She left my education to my dad but he was never home so I kinda learnt how to survive on my own.
I have been living in a different city since I was 18 and thanks to looots of therapy my mom and I have tried to rebuild our relationship in the years.
It kinda worked but I’m not gonna lie: it hurts when I compare how she treats me and my siblings.
Onto the issue: due to my BFF being a klutz she let it slip that my BF got me an engagement ring (fuck yes! Can’t wait to marry the shit out of him) but… it makes no sense: I was supposed to get my moms engagement ring! It’s a heirloom and she promised me it for years.
I get a flash memory: one month ago my mom asked me if I like diamonds, and I said that I don’t and I prefer other stones but I would’t mind a lab made one.
Now I know how manipulative she can be:
I just know that she used that convo to justify passing the ring to my sister and I’m just so tired of this.
I can’t explain how hurt I am… my BF and I are saving as much money as possible and I told him in the past not to waste money on the ring and to just use my moms.
I tried to talk to my father without mentioning the ring, but using a recent trip mom and sis took alone, to complain about how they always exclude me. He said that I have to give up, stop being a victim and just accept that parents have preferences. It has been 15 days and no one except my brother has called me (he and his wife are 100% on my side).
I want to just cut contact with them all (except brother ofc) but it seems so unfair that I didn’t have a family in my youth and I won’t have it to celebrate my engagement or my marriage or my kids.
I could call them, apologize and have all these things but honestly the ring is the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I’m also kinda hoping that they will try to patch things before the proposal but it doesn’t seem likely.
Is my dad right? Am I too old to be hurt by these small things?
What should I do?
TL;DR: mom promised me a ring for my engagement, I discovered by chance that she didn’t give it to my BF. Had a fight, unsure if I should just cut contact or swallow the injustice and have a family to celebrate with.
3 comments
You aren’t being a brat. Your dad is right in that you are a victim, but he’s wrong to tell you to stop acting like one. Your parents have treated you awfully and I’m so sorry.
You have every right to feel deeply hurt and rejected, especially by your mother and it’s despicable that she thinks it’s acceptable to abuse you like this.
I had a family similar to yours and was constantly outcast by my relatives. I cut most of them out and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m happier, more self-assured and have a sense of self-worth for the first time ever.
I know it hurts that you’re not getting your mum’s ring, but do you honestly want it? With all the connotations and memories it’ll come with, it might be nice to have a fresh start.
I hope you find some peace and congrats on your upcoming engagement!!!
I’m so sorry you had to go through all this , it’s not your fault your family is a bunch of POS except your brother. Definitely cut them out of your life as fast as you can .
Your mom definitely sounds extremely entitled and your sister could be the golden child . Get rid of these toxic people, focus on yourself and your fiance. Definitely don’t invite them to your wedding they could possibly sour your mood . Also your dad is acting like an asshole .
You have a family it’s just a bit smaller than you thought. It includes your fiance, your brother and sister-in-law. Congratulations on your engagement!!
PS – Don’t take your mother’s ring , it would remind you of her toxic traits. You can definitely find some cheaper stones than diamond yet truly mesmerizing ones including opal , amethyst ,Aquamarine , . Turquoise ,Sapphire , Emerald , Ruby , Morganite , Garnet , Pearl , Tourmaline ,Tanzanite, Spinel , topaz .
Get thee to the Crappy Childhood Fairy YouTube channel so you can start getting a grip on how all of this affected you and how to begin healing in the best way for you.