My bf (m 38) and I (f 35 ) had a wonderful baby boy 9 months ago after 10 years together.Our family life is great and we get along wonderfully.
The problem is that last time we were physical was when our son was conceived.I wasn’t feeling great during pregnancy so nothing happened and now I’m so tired that I have zero sex drive.My partner hasn’t initiated anything either.I feel there is more and more eater under the bridge and it is getting more difficult viewing him in that way.How do I get my sex life back on track ?
TLDR Finding will and time to keep sex life alive after children.
15 comments
Have you talked to him about this?
20+ years of marriage. You have to make time! Start courting each other again. Do all the things you did to attract him and keep him. I don’t know the other side, but he should be doing the same things.
Start working out; Nothing crazy, just some cardio and weights. And see if you can get him to exercise too. *Solo or together*
Exercise is a natural way of boosting your sex drive, also helps clear the mind, and allows you feel positive. And I think these three things would really help
I would start exploring you sexuality on your own and get comfortable again making alone time for yourself. Since you are not sure yet if you would like to get intimate with you partner still, then try to just focus on making yourself happy first. Fill yourself up and then you guys might start thinking of things differently
Plan a weekend getaway for you guys, even for one night so you guys can reconnect! Maybe pump and store ahead of time and see if any close family can babysit for the night. Or if thats not feasible right now, plan a date night activity out of the house, a spa day, salsa dancing class etc
Do you guys still cuddle or hold hands or watch movies together or anything? Sometimes those smaller things can lead into more intimate acts. Having & caring for a baby takes a lot of energy, so I understand how that can contribute to fatigue but I would definitely talk to your SO about wanting to be more intimate.
Make a frequency goal – [x] times in the coming week/month, of whatever physical contact is relevant.
Schedule sex.
It doesn’t have to stay that way but just keep to a schedule like you would everything else and hopefully that starts you back to being physical.
My baby just turned 8 months. I totally understand. It’s HARD to get back on track sexually.
Plan a date without them knowing. Get a family member or friend to be a babysitter if possible. You don’t need all day or anything. Just some time between the both of you to enjoy each other like you did before the baby came.
Don’t be timid. Speak your mind. Let them know how much you love them and that you want to be intimate with them. You don’t have to jump right back where you were. No pressure.
Just letting them know you want them will fuel the flame. Best of luck and congrats on the baby ❤️
You keep saying both but It really seems like a you problem. You shutdown the sex train. He has accepted this and hopefully has been being a great partner and helping through this rough period. Now you are still not in the mood and don’t want sex but … want your sex life back. How are you going to get it back if you are not in the mood?
You came here asking for help but you have yet to try anything. You haven’t even brought up these concerns with your SO.
I’m not sure what you are looking for here.
Talk to your SO! Talk to a doctor/therapist. Asking reddit should not be your opening move.
Do something spur of the moment. Routine is what prevents us from acting differently. A pregnancy is, to some, quite long. Try something new together.
wow, i have the same problem, my gf doesn’t want to even talk about sex after 2 years after she gave a birth, idk how to talk to her about that, I already tried, but she say I’m always talking about that, also I wang to help her to feel comfortable and we can have sex, any suggestion?
You should talk about it with him. But tbf you’re in that stage of domestic life that’s exhausting bc y’know, a baby is no easy task. A chill conversation is always a good way to go
Well sometimes you have to just DO IT whether you feel like it or not. Like getting your oil changed on your car.
If u dont use it you’ll lose it.
Your hormones could be off, but honestly you should ask him, touch him, etc. He might be very in the mood but not be trying anything bc you seem to not be in the mood… IDK but typically if you start having sex it will cause you to have more sex.
I saw you are still breastfeeding, sometimes this makes people less in the mood, it did for me. Best of luck. Just try kissing and see where it goes.