Finding out your crush is uninterested is disappointing. But if they’re not interested, wouldn’t you rather limit the amount of effort you put into finding out? “Playing hard to get” is an old-timey notion and we can let it die by not playing at all. Let no mean no the first time.

23 comments

  2. Exactly. In general, nobody “plays hard to get” with people they respect and appreciate. And usually, the more you are concerned about somebody liking you back, the higher chances they won’t like you back.

  6. Sometimes the crush may have too many things going on in life to be in romance with anyone at the moment (although this could change like a flip of switch with the right person).

  7. Couldn’t agree more. If someone likes you, they will make an effort to spend time with you. If they are “playing hard to get” they are most likely uninterested and trying to let you down easy. Continuing to pursue them may come across as creepy or harassing.

  8. Trying to remind myself this, it just sucks when you see them and they give you some morsel of attention. Have to keep myself in check and not pursue further

  9. If something is important to someone, they will make it happen.

    If something isn’t important, they will make excuses.

  10. That’s interesting. By the same token, if *you* feel the urge to play hard to get, ask yourself, “How do I feel about this person? Do I really want to be with them romantically?” Perhaps you’re holding back because your subconscious has a good reason not to commit to them. If you truly felt compatible, you’d probably be trying to spend more time with them, not less.

  12. Look people who want to be in your life will come along they just need a reason tbh. Everything else is hogwash…From the approachee’s POV it’s always better to invest your time and energy in people other than the one that has rejected you.

    It’s a win win situation for both of you and also not to mention that you might get end up in a dinky lil cell for something called harrasment…nope good sir..no can do.

  14. there are two ways to look at life.

    Look like everybody is flirting with u

    Look like anyone is flirting with u

  15. Push pull push pull. This is a method of indoctrination a manipulator uses to create what’s called a ‘trauma bond’ . ‘Hard to get’ can be a method of establishing control and dominance in a relationship. Be careful and don’t give them even the slightest piece of your light if they don’t shine it back on you equally.

  16. So true. I only had one guy who actually did play hard to get back when I was in high school. I don’t like guys who play games so I stopped talking to him and then he flipped out and started saying how his technique usually works.

  17. I had one lady it was ignoring me just one message replies for days, i suspected she was playing hard to get. so i just asked her if she is playing hard to get, she knocked at night on my door…

  18. Agreed. If you decide you want engage in getting someone who’s playing “hard to get” then maybe take a look at your relationship with yourself first. I wouldn’t put up with that again.

  19. “Hard to get” is a term made up by people with big egos who can’t handle rejection.

  20. Or just communicate directly before cutting the cord: “hey listen, I’m sorry if this sounds a bit forward, but I’m really quite into you. If that’s not reciprocal, I totally get it, and no worries, I’ll leave it be. But if you ever are curious to give this a shot, let me know and I’d love to take you out on a date sometime.”

    And then walk away. You’re not interested in just a platonic friendship anyway and either they’re offering a relationship or you’re waiting on something that’s never going to happen.

  21. Back in my mid 20s, i met this girl I was interested in, at some point she gave me the shoulder and I took it as a sign to not bother her. This upset her and she would ask why I stopped, we should talk more, etc, so I was a bit annoyed but we were starting to get a long again and again over a couple of weeks she would be cold towards me like before, and the cycle went on. At some point my brain realised all this isn’t worth whatever’s at the end of the road and kept to myself for good. I don’t pretend to know what going on in the heads of people like this, but I know it isn’t worth the time I spent on them.

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