I (27F) met someone (31M). I would say we met in April of this year , but didn’t actually pursue each other until June. I’ve never taken things slow until I met him. To be quite honest, I’m a bit confused about what I’ve been feeling lately.
Backstory: I pursued him at first, but just enough to find out if he may have been interested in me as well. After we got to the point of exchanging numbers, I didn’t get too excited. I kept things slow, and let him lead to make sure I wasn’t making assumptions on anything. I allowed him to show me with his actions where he wanted to go with me. We’ve stayed on a friendship basis majority of the time we’ve gotten to know each other. Until he started expressing himself a little more, and being more vocal about his attraction to me.
Although I’ve never been in love , I’ve experienced infatuation. The “butterflies” in my stomach. But this situation feels different. I don’t get butterflies in my stomach with him. Yet I feel comfort with him. I still feel the need to be connected to him like a magnet, but without the nervous feeling. I don’t feel the urge to smother him all the time. Instead, I automatically gave him distance because I respect him and he comes back to me. I find myself caring about his well being, not because I have interest in him but because I genuinely want him to be ok with or without me. Just wondering at what point it goes past infatuation and when you all knew it was love.
I know you all must think I’m crazy because it’s only been a few months, but this is the first time I ever experienced this so soon which is why I feel so confused.
TL;DR: I think I might love someone for the first time, but I’ve never been in love so I don’t recognize the signs.
3 comments
Love is a choice. It’s a choice often made during infatuation. But you don’t fall in love. And you don’t fall out of love. It’s the commitment part of the relationship. You rely on them and they rely on you.
I think that initial infatuation is often rooted in chemistry and potential – not necessarily a deep connection with someone. Blazing hot chemistry doesn’t usually translate into a solid relationship (in my experience anyway)
Tbh, the best relationships I have been in are when we end up being best friends – but also have a lot of sex. It starts with some attraction but just the ember – it takes the effort; showing up, being consistent, having fun (essentially being a good friend) – that builds the love. And then one day you look over at them sleeping and you smile real hard just because they’re there and you love them so deeply. You’ll know.
Love isn’t so much an emotion as a concoction of baser emotions and expectations. Unlike how it’s treated in the movies, there’s no “right” time in a relationship to say you love someone, for one thing it’s highly variable based on culture and language.
Don’t worry so much about the label and enjoy the feelings you have for this person. I wouldn’t say “I love you” after such a short time, but in my culture/community it wouldn’t be “normal” and might scare a person off. Have fun, take it slow, and enjoy yourself.