Hey guys, my son has recently been bothered by his height and weight, and he seems to obsess about it and think about it a lot. He has broken doors and has been very distressed over it. He is 5’7 and 110 pounds, which definitely isn’t “short” but he is in a friend group of muscular guys that are around 6’0, and he tells me he feels inferior because of it. My wife and I try to play to his strengths, he is a creative and academic genius (He invents complex things and is the top of his entire school) and socially he is very competent, and he has always been incredibly handsome and charismatic.
Most of his family including myself grew very late, and I was his height and weight at the time and now I am ~5’11 barefoot. My brother is 6’2, and my father in law (his mom’s papa) was 6’1. His bone age is around 4 years delayed, he has no underlying conditions, and he was born at a normal weight and height.
Reddit, how do I reassure my son? Do I tell him he will grow, or do I tell him to love himself as he is?
4 comments
Encourage him to love himself as he is. Don’t promise anything that might not materialize since that will make the self esteem issues even worse if it doesn’t happen.
One of the things that did wonders for my body image was getting involved in solo physical hobbies in encouraging spaces. It helps change focus from what my body looks like to what it can do and I feel like it’s a lot easier to build confidence when self image is based on something you have control over like strength, flexibility, and stamina than when it’s based on something you don’t, like how long your bones are. If there’s something he’s interested in that’s also physical (solo or collective) and the space he’d be doing it in either neutral or comes with a positive community, definitely encourage him to get involved.
An 18yo isnt going to grow any more. There’s like some rough guide that says you add the heights of your parents together, add 5″ and divide by two. If your wife is short, he’s doomed.
Seriously though, I’m the same height and its rarely been an issue as long as I stayed fit and healthy. Like most people of any height, if you pack on the weight people treat you differently. So try to develop good eating habits and some long term exercise habits that will help him maintain weight and fitness even into his older years. Compliment his successes, and encourage him, and reinforce (only when it arises) that his height is only a barrier in his mind. You know, be a great Dad.
If he pummels so much as one more door though, I would get him into therapy asap. That is not acceptable behaviour and a vast overreaction to something like height issues. Destroying property in a temper tantrum is an enormous no-no and he needs to learn to have proper outlets for his emotions.
Added: Protip: Teach him how to dress well.
I’m 5’1 and 35 years old. Let him learn to accept it. Probably won’t happen during teen years though. Kids are assholes. Now a days I’ll make the short joke before anyone else even has the chance. Cause I know I’m short and that ain’t changing.
I can relate to your son’s circumstance. I was 4 foot, 8 inches tall my freshman year of high school, weighed MAYBE 80 pounds soaking wet. I was this size throughout almost all of my high school years. My three best friends were 6 foot 7, 6 foot 8 and another 6 foot 7. I looked like their little brother.
I can understand his initial reaction to feel inferior, but what he needs to realize is that his friends chose him as a friend for a reason. Likely because he is a smart and good person and a GREAT friend. This really shows that a persons’ physical size does not equate their worth as a person. If his friends are good friends and do not tease him or belittle him for his stature, that is further proof that not only is he a good friend but that he also HAS great friends.
What I learned is that your size does not matter, your height does not matter. What matters is how people perceive you, perception is reality. While he may FEEL small or inferior, the impact of his personality is bigger than anyone’s physical size.
The fact that people seem to enjoy his presence and that he is a good person is way more important than how tall he is. He will likely grow and is a late bloomer, that is fine. Everyone is different and moves along at their own pace.