One fine day. My best friend decided to tell me that she had a huge crush on me and asked me out. We have been in a relationship for 3 months. Everything is going great. I love her so much. But I feel a huge pressure on me that if I screw this up i will lose the best relationship i have been in and i will lose my best friend. How did you guys felt when you started going out with your best friend
46 comments
Patience and communication are key here. If you spend all your time worrying, then it’s gonna look like your not enjoying the relationship, and that’s gonna make her worry about you alot more, maybe to the point where it annoys you enough to say or do or show something ugly. Just do right by each other and you’ll do fine.
I think this is a good example of ‘over thinking’ the more you think about it, the more it will become real for you and the more your mind will be else where instead of the relationship. It’s easier said than done, but don’t think about that, and just focus on the present, focus on being the best you that you can be, and if your crush see that, will do the same. if you really think about it then, the opposite could be true as well, right? you could not screw it up and end up being the best relationship ever and marry each other. it can go both ways.
It was amazing.
I ultimately lost my best friend, but realistically, one of us (mostly like her) was going to end up in a serious relationship and our friendship would stall out regardless. So I cherish our times together and am glad we were able to give it a run. Even though it didn’t end that great.
Gotta love like there’s no such thing as a broken heart
Ask yourself why is there pressure? She’s your best friend right? Be honest with her. Talk to her. Tell her what stresses you like you’d do with anything else. What would you do to mess up the relationship? Like I said you’re best friends right? Was there something you could do to mess it up 3 months ago? If not then it’s not likely going to take a lot to mess it up.
My wife and I were best friends before we started dating. Both of us have messed up a lot but we are best friends and we love eachother to our cores so we forgive, work through stuff together and communicate when one of us is upset/sad/stressed/etc so the other can help.
Simply that it’s worth the risk. Friends come and go, but a great relationship can last a lifetime.
Focus on being her friend and not on some mythical Hallmark caricature of a man. Most happily married couples who stay together know this is what makes it work.
Talk to her about your fears. Your being afraid of screwing up or losing her means that she’s very important to you. Tell her so and also show her. As long as you both know what’s going on inside each others heads your relationship has a steady base.
Married mine. Patience, communication, and understanding. We were honest from the beginning and checked up every so often. Didn’t let things build up and always stayed friends. It’s the best decision we both made!
So let me just say this. Friendship and love are two different things. If you went the next step up, then live everyday as if the next day you are waiting for a new surprise (good one). That way, you don’t have to worry about it.
Keep going without thinking about what ifs. They only make good tv shows or movies, but spoils the moment when you have them flying around in your head. Be happy.
Don’t sweat it.
Dated my (then) best friend from 16 to 18. Eventually we split up because life happens. The fact that we were best friends made the separation much easier (no messy fights, we remained always understanding and empathic, etc). We’ve lost touch since then. It would’ve happened either way, I’m just glad I got to take this relationship as far as I could instead of wondering “what if” for the rest of my life.
Edit for context: Am 32 now.
Is she really your best friend or were you just hanging in the friendzone? If you’re actually friends, then it should difficult to fuck that up. If you just wanted to fuck the whole time, then maybe you got what you wished for. Or she did. Why are you guys friends?
Don’t screw it up.
Well you know how much they mean to you, so you get to spend the rest of your life showing them how much that bond means to you. You don’t want to fuck it up and lose it? Do your best and always remember what you can lose. Enjoy op, you get to spend your life showing somebody how much you love them.
Cmon, a couple MUST be friends. I dont understand why people are afraid to hit on their friends. You already skipped the hardest part, u know and trust each other! Good luck bro.
Well Lemme tell you my secret tip…
Just hug her so tightly and tell her that “Don’t ever leave me” and express how much you love her and etc etc.. and then see the suprise😊.
You will thank me if you tried this, it works for me and i am sure it will work for all of you👍
Look when you meet your wife (whether this woman is your future wife or not is irrelevant) you want your wife to be your best friend.
So either this woman is gonna end up being your wife, or let’s say you never dated her and stayed best friends then you will eventually meet another woman to be your wife and your wife will now take precedence over your best friend.
This happened to me with my best friend in university (she told me about her feelings and we pursued a relationship). Oddly enough, contrary to how you are feeling about it, I felt it was far less pressure than dating someone else, because we had been friends for a few years, we knew each other and knew what we were getting ourselves into.
The moment of greatest pressure is actually when she told you she was into you and you needed to respond. When she did that, she effectively decided that she wanted you as a bf in her life and was willing to risk the friendship for it, and by dating her you’ve decided the same. She’s not your best friend anymore and probably will never be again as a result of the mutual decision, she might turn out to be something better.
My best friend of 2 years…
Dated her for 5 years and now we are happily living together out of state for a fresh start together for 3 years……
Met her at 38 years old…
She was 23…
Life has its great moments ✨
Nothing is set in stone. It might not work romantically, doesn’t mean your friendship is over
I dated this girl I had been friends with since we were little kids and once we started dating it completely changed things. She talked to me differently and shared more details about her life. It just felt weird and I didn’t enjoy it like I thought I would so I ended it. Didn’t hurt our friends ship at all though we continued to hang out as friends for a long time.
I feel you when it comes to pressure. But, remember in any good long term relationship, your partner becomes your best friend. Bring afraid of rubbing it is part of being in relationship. Use it as incentive to not take her for granted.
Married mine
Chill, dude. Just chill.
You need to be ready to lose them totally, because your friendship will never be the same again if you break up, if you stay friends at all. Come to terms that this relationship, if it fails, will be the end of the two of you completely. Any better of a result than that is a bonus. Allow that acceptance to free you to live in the moment of where you are now. Overthinking this stuff will inevitably lead to the failure of the relationship.
I dated my best friend ***because*** there was no pressure. We already got along well and liked one another in the first place, no need to try to impress her now that we both wanted to smooch one another and could do so freely.
I think you need to relax and exist more in the moment rather than worrying about hypothetical future catastrophes.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Don’t sweat the things you can’t change.
Just enjoy the ride. Some people are in your life forever some people are only passing through. You can never know how it will end so just enjoy all the time you have together.
The advice is really just communicate and don’t think about it. Usually a really strong friendship prior to a relationship will mean things go well for a long time.
Best of luck and relax:)
your significant other will ultimately end up your best friend.
This question always confuses me. It would seem to be very common to marry your best friend. I just cannot see you taking anyone’s side over my wife’s, or putting other people above her.
It’s best to take a chance on dating your best friend because you could have the greatest relationship of all time.
I’m not a guy but i just married my bestfriend, and it is amazing to be together with someone you love and is also your best friend. It is amazing and it is not so diffrent than being friends. Don’t worry to much. Best of luck to you both! 🙂
Felt the same way at first.
Had a really great relationship for a few years, grew in opposite directions, and eventually split up amicably.
Decades later still friends, but don’t see each other that often.
No regrets.
Communication
Well I hate to be that guy but here’s my story.
Ex and I were friends for close to six years, would hang out platonically alone, and with other people. Would ask her about girls, she would ask me about guys all the stuff. One thing led to another and we started fooling around, then we fell in love, I continued to fall in love and she did not. Broke my heart over the phone after being together for almost 2 years and having been friends for 6 years before that.
I was devastated for obvious reasons, losing my best friend and gf at the same time. But the hardest part for me was how the breakup was handled. After being best friends and then lovers for 8ish years to break up over the phone was a joke. And I lost all respect for her. It gets better, it was the night before the biggest interview of my career which she helped me prepare for the weekend prior.
So if you are happy and in love enjoy it and don’t worry about what could happen. But based on my history I won’t be doing it again, but I have friends who are married and they started out so everyone is different.
Married my best friend. The trick is to never stop being best friends. Let the rest happen naturally and stop worrying about it. Just keep being her best friend. Nothing more, nothing less. No pressure that way.
I have no advice but damn that is bold of her to tell you that she had a crush on you.
It is what it is
I wouldn’t date someone who wasn’t my best friend.
If you don’t date her you will eventually lose your best friend anyway. Enjoy yourself
Please stop with this “my best friend” bullshit. As a man, You’re “best friend” is another man or you don’t have a best friend. Your woman/girlfriend/wife/soulmate/lover etc is not your best friend and, if you think so, you don’t know what a “best friend” is. Romantic relationships, sexual dynamics and intra sex/gender dynamic exclude the objectivity and perspective of a “best friend” designation. Even if your “best friend” is the opposite sex, that relationship changes the moment it becomes romantic and the fact that it became romantic in the first place negates the “best friend” status.
I’ve been dating one of my best friends for 12 years. I quickly realised the chance to have something more with her was worth the risk of losing the friendship.
She was already an amazing friend who helped me recover after my mum’s boyfriend assaulted me, after I was home invaded, stayed up all night talking to me as I had to run away from home etc etc. She mentioned she was starting to like me more than a friend and a flip switched in my brain. I loved her already and just didn’t realise it yet. Easy risk worth taking in my books.
Talk often and honestly.
Don’t let yourself get caught up in how perfect it seems to fit right now. If you’re already fond of the person you’ll be more likely to miss red flags.
Don’t go so fast that you freak each other out with how quickly it’s progressing. Slow and steady. Honest conversations. And a big portion of understanding.
You don’t date a best friend. Be willing to walk away if things go south.
Currently dating my best friend. 6 years now. Be honest, treat her nice. Dating your best friend is far more fruitful than dating some girl you met since you already know everything about each other. The most successful relationships are always the ones where both partners call each other their best friend. Enjoy it!
I’m with my best friend since high school: friends for over half my life now and together a few years shy of a decade.
We wouldn’t be capable of being just friends anymore and would probably drive other partners crazy, just like we did in the past by not being able to admit we loved each other, so it’s all in or nothing now!
I try not to think about to too much and just enjoy it.