Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/suysdj/im_22f_trapped_in_a_toxic_cycle_with_my_family/
I would like to verbally thank u/itsacoup and u/Blarghedy for talking some sense to me. You were the first ones to beat it into my head that I’m not responsible for constantly comforting my mother when lonely & sad from being abused by my father nor am I responsible defending her from my father when she thwarts any of my plans to protect her and I’m responsible for my own future happiness.
When you first told me that I need to leave my parents’ home if I ever want to be at peace and not always in anguish, I immediately packed my things and absconded from my parents’ home to my brother’s ex’s apartment. I made new friends, went to the club for the first time, and had a companion at a Dua Lipa concert because of her. I felt a sense of relief, at first, but soon she started triangulating me in her fights with my brother like my parents do with their relationship and it was distracting me from school. Unfortunately, I had nowhere else to go other than my parents’ house so, I went back after 2 weeks.
Years ago, when my mother and I told my aunts and uncles about my father’s vile behavior, they told me to go down on my knees before him and beg him to treat me better with tears in my eyes. Eversince then, they’ve just said they’re sorry for us and would make excuses as to why we can’t temporarily stay with them. It’s only when he cursed them out during my mom’s Zoom meeting did they start taking his abusive behavior seriously eventhough we showed them video proof of his abusive behavior many times before and told us to stay with them for a week. I kind of resent them a bit for this, but I stayed with them nonetheless.
Whilst staying with my aunts, one of them made me feel like I can do anything and gave me a completely new outlook on life. She made me develop more beneficial habits and I still partake in those habits ever since I got back to my parents’ house. I get ready most mornings, prepare myself breakfast, am learning how to drive, going out with friends more often, working, going out to volunteer for political campaigns, and even talking with high government officials in my state. Doing all this ensures that I move up in my life and have to see my parents’ toxic behavior less. I’m even going to move out of their house soon!
TL;DR: THANK YOU u/itsacoup and u/Blarghedy for sprouting little seedlings in my head that were nutured into flowers of hope, motivation, and freedom. I’m sure that soon those flowers will fully bloom. 💖🌻
1 comment
Yeah, your aunts were probably just hesitant to help at first because they saw your mother happily wander back into the cycle of abuse. It’s like running across the street to save someone from a mugging and then the victim helps the mugger attack you. Once they saw that it was for real for real, they probably decided to help you.