About 3 months ago my husband told me he was depressed and anxious. It all began with the addition of my second born child. Slowly, he has been spiraling down: he’s more distant, was more emotional, made little effort to make things better with me, attitude levels were increasing and stopped referring me as “babe” or “honey”. Even on his phone I went from “babe” to my first name. As anyone, I looked at the phone bill and discovered that he has been calling his childhood friends wife before and after work. Granted, he still comes home at his normal time. When I confronted him he told me himself who it was (even though I already knew). He said it’s nothing and feels comfortable talking to her (I’ve met her and is friendly and chatty). Now his behavior at home is very very different. When I look at him, he isn’t the same person he was 3 months ago. And he told me that the person I knew a year ago is gone. He still tells me he wants to work things out but I’m not sure if he still wants to or if I even want to. Even his close friends/family find him different. I feel like it could be a combination of his mental state along with possibly building an emotional connection with this other person. I feel so lost, confused and hopeless.
5 comments
He’s probably having a hard time adjusting to the loss of self. Hopefully he gets a handle on it.
someone needs to slap him upside the head and tell him to grow up!
Are you worried about an emotional affair?
I kind of feel like it might go towards that but I also think that’s not on you. If he’s not getting emotional support that he wants/needs from you, then he needs to communicate that. Sure he can have friends he talks to everyday. Maybe she’s adjusting to having a new kid as well and they’re trading advice but if it’s a newly sparked relationship after your second child while there’s a support network… it’s a bit suspicious. I’d vent to my sister/best friend/parent before/after work.
Saying that, having a second child is a lot on a relationship and adjusting to making room for that tiny-but-ever-so-needy person can take a lot of time too.
If he stopped calling you baby it’s because he feels like he’s being unfaithful to her when he calls you that. He is in an emotional affair with her, a deep one. You can’t rebuild your relationship while he’s communicating with her. Is she married? If she is I’d have a talk with her husband.
I’m gonna take a shot in the dark here for the sake of looking at all possible angles. My philosophy is to leave no stone unturned. I noticed you said “my” second born child and not “our” second born child. It struck me as odd, but also got me wondering.
Have you perhaps been especially wrapped up with your children? And perhaps not giving as much attention to your husband as you used to? I could be way off base because frankly it’s just a shot in the dark hunch. Personally, I have five kids so I know how easy it can be to get focused on them.
I can certainly tell there’s a whole lot going on here but I figured I’d at least ask the question for your consideration just in case that could be a factor of making your husband feel distant.