Single mom in the dating world and losing hope.

26 comments

1. Depends on age to me; im 22 i’m not dating a single mom because i feel the responsibility of being a father would be placed on me whether i like it or not. And i dont want that right now.

2. Girl, I’m 38 with 2 teens. I spent almost 4 years not being able to find the right one. Dating was just…. Nothing was working out.
   But you have to hang on. Dont give up. There’s someone for everyone out there.
   Sometimes you have to weed through the sh*tty ones to find the flower 🌹

   Stay positive. He will find his way to you😊❤️

3. Here’s the harsh truth

   For most single men in your age cadre, your time commitment to your children, precludes a serious relationship.

   And, what place would a guy find in your life, if they wish to assume the role of protector and provider, as many men do. Looks like the answer is none from what you have posted.

   Try single fathers, guys who share a common world view with you and guys who share your hobbies. Face it, other then them, the men out there may have

   1 – Been divorced or gone through a hard break-up and don’t want the bother again

   2 – Are child-free as a lifestyle, which has helped keep them single

   3 – Are single because they are assholes

   4 – Are in committed relationships.

   Add to that, that so many of the men you will encounter, just want to get laid, suggests that you should have no problem getting men into your bed, but not into your life.

   I do not know if this applies to you, but women are known for only looking up the social scale for a man, while men are ok with going down the social scale. Does that apply to you? Would you only consider your lawyer and not your landscaper?

4. > Are there men out there willing to see where it goes witha single mom??

   Absolutely.

   > I still need hope.

   Good luck with that.

5. well you can try single fathers , that’s definitely a safer option.

6. Maybe consider only dating apps that focus on commitment and that have a pay wall to better weed out those just looking to hook up. And meeting people through social connections, groups, classes, hobbies, and organizations rather than online apps might work better as people will get to know you personally, and not judge you by stereotypes or biases they might have of your circumstances.

7. Single fathers are probably your main target. I’m 34M, and here’s the truth, even if you don’t want to hear it: I would rather stay single than to LTR with a single mom, regardless of her looks or age. I don’t like the concept of raising someone’s else kids. I think many guys will agree with me on that

8. Not a deal breaker but complicated, even more when 2 kids are involved.
   But that’s my 27 years old me speaking, maybe I see things different in 8 years.
   The “problem” that I see is that the kids will come first, which is absolutely the right thing, but with 2 kids… You kinda expect that somehow there always will be something up…
   And group dynamics, if one kid does not like you it’s game over.
   Last but not least, it makes matters complicated if you have a kids wish of your own.

   If you use dating portals like Tinder, plenty of fish or what ever u use in your country, then it’s more or less game over on both sides, because their its choosing beggers territory if you ask me. And for more then just fun…
   Maybe be a bit old-fashioned and hit a bar, or night club, then stuff can develop first… Who knows

   And again the main problem, is not thaf much of a problem but somethig that makes it hard to navigate around, even more so at the beginning

   But don’t lose hope, sometimes it takes a bit longer

9. As a single father I can understand where you’re coming from. I’ve found that focusing on my 13y old son and my career are more important than dating. Once he turns 18 i plan getting into the “dating pool” as my number one priority must be him then work. Focus on your most favorite hobbies and at some point a person that shares similar interests will come your way.

10. Perhaps you are going after the wrong guys.

    Consider looking for a nice single dad in the 40-55 range who may feel like you do. They already have kids and don’t want more, and lot of women they meet either don’t want to be a step mom or want to start a family and have their own kids.

    You also mentioned how you look younger, how much money you make, extremely confident, etc… so obviously you consider yourself a catch. Perhaps you are afraid of “dating down” with someone who is either not as physically attractive or successful in their career as you consider acceptable? Seriously think about your criteria and what’s important in life.

    The single/no kids great looking 35-40 guy who spends 2 hours in the gym every day, wears the Rolex, drives the awesome car, and lives in the awesome Condo downtown is going to be a player and not interested in being a step dad and family life.

11. >Are there men out there willing to see where it goes with a single mom??

    OP, have you considered single fathers? I’d think that single men who would be open to dating single mothers are fewer compared to men who would be open to dating single women.

    Are you mainly looking for single men with no kids?

12. It’s not the lacking something it’s the extra stuff you bring to a relationship. Dating will be a challenge to say the least. From a guy’s perspective,

    2 part time kids that I have to work around.. coparenting with her ex is not something guys want to deal with.

    The small group of guys actually looking to start a real relationship or family of their own are looking for a younger person to have their own kids with.

    6 figure job isn’t a positive thing. The more you make the smaller your dating pool gets. Women don’t want to settle for a man making less than they do. Most guys aren’t serious about a woman making significantly more than them because they feel they are disposable. Society puts a lot of pressure on men to be the breadwinner.

    Guys with their life in order don’t care about a woman’s income. They make their own money.

    Best thing you can do is live life & if you find a compatible partner it’s a bonus.

13. >Are there men out there willing to see where it goes with a single mom?? Or is it a complete deal breaker for almost everyone?

    I’m a 35M who wouldn’t rule out dating a single mother, but they would have to be really, really special for me to do so. I’m finally at a place where I can travel just about as much as I want, go to events, and really just kind of live life to the fullest. Also, I would like to have kids of my own some day, and a lot of single mothers I meet are pretty much done with that so I feel like I’d be giving up a fair amount of my independence in exchange for conceding something huge. It’s not a complete dealbreaker, but again, they’d have to be someone extraordinarily special.

    I see a lot of comments about men in the dating pool at this age being divorced, child-free, jerks, and Peter Pan syndrome, etc., but there’s also guys like me who are late bloomers and are just now hitting our stride with our social lives. It’s a tough sell to give up what we’ve just come to enjoy.

14. It’s not a deal breaker but most men who have the option to leave and to find other women will not stay for a single mother. Just saying, “I’m dating a single mother” is almost seen as self defeating for men. The thing is, most men do not have the confidence to leave and many men are desperate so they will settle. I recommend going for older men. Younger men are more poor than ever because of the wealth gap increasing. Since men have less money, they feel inadequate to take responsibility for your child. Even if you say, “I got this financially don’t worry,” he will feel inadequate. Not trying to be mean but It is not preferred in any way to be with a single mother. I never met a man who wants a woman with another man’s child. This is why the Maury “you are not the father” clips are so legendary. It’s bc most men like the experience of exploring with a woman. A woman who says “I’ve been there done that,” isn’t going to command the same amount of attraction as a woman who a man can show the world. I’ve seen many men go through absolute hell dating single mothers bc they can’t even discipline the kid but they might provide for them. The kid can literally punch the boyfriend and the bf can’t tell the kid to stop or else he’s crossing your boundaries as the true mother of the child. I’ve also seen many men unable to see the kid he bonded with since the mom and him broke up. It’s also hard to look at someone else’s kid and feel love for them bc I just imagine another guy and wonder why he isn’t here atm

15. 32 year old Single full time dad here. I became a single dad when I was 28. Got full custody at 30. Son is 4. I lost hope in dating. But then decided I was just going to focus on my son but still use dating apps and if a girl messaged me on social media I’d at least entertain it. I didn’t sleep around or anything. I decided I’d only go out with someone if I got to know them first. Well fast forward to April this year and a girl I went to high school with ran into me while running errands. She didn’t recognize me but I recognized her. I was a late bloomer ngl. She was always beautiful and looks the same. Looks aren’t everything it’s just how I feel about her and to add to the story. We got to talking and texted for a month then one day she asked me out. Date went amazing and the rest is history. Don’t see us slowing down anytime soon however I have a guard for my son. I know she could get a man without a kid but she’s also 31, so she claims she thinks it’s very attractive that I care for my son by myself. She loves my maturity and hers is very attractive as well. So she hasn’t met him yet but will in October. I feel if we can get to October then it’ll be time. She does ask about him and I think it’s sweet. She likes seeing videos and photos of him so it makes me feel really good. She’d make a good mom one day that’s for sure. Just be patient! It’ll come I promise

16. I’d say single fathers would probably be your best bet. I don’t think many men are willing to date women with children when they have no children themselves. It can seem like too much responsibility even though you’re not really asking them to be in that role. I’d also tend to think that men in the over 35 range that don’t already have children, may not want them at all which would obviously be a dealbreaker. Go for single dads.

17. Sorry, you wont want to hear this but to increase your chances of success, you have to limit your dating field to other parents. No single guy is going to go for a serious relationship with a woman with two kids. Sex? Sure. Commitment? No. Divorced dads are your market. They will put up with yours because you put up with theirs.

18. Guys can have a funny initial knee jerk reaction to the “btw I’m a single mom” thing

    It’s obvious why you need to inform them early on

    But they often take it, most absurdly, almost as if they heard “I don’t know you, will you be a father to my children”

    What calms them down is the idea that’s not at all what’s going on, what you said or even what you are ever even hoping for/expect of them.. that can help to break them out of this “i’ve never tested myself in a jerry macguire way, i will fail. It will be humiliating” thought spiral.

    Maybe take them through the reality of it and see what works.. let them k ow they probably won’t even be aware of them in the first few dates, got a sitter for them elsewhere while you guys hang out at your place. And who knows, might be the most awesome kids ever, he might even love your kids if he proves himself and is permitted to meet them.. they might be the thing that ties him to you just as much as your own lovability

    But they often don’t consider that.. they often don’t get past that initial anxiety attack of suddenly seeing themselves from being on a fun date to introduced to fatherhood in the blink of an eye.. send them spiraling

    So, if your strategy so far has just been “BTW I have kids”.. consider changing it to something that clarifies what you’re after, expectations and how you see this going down. Is he babysitting them tonight or is he cut off from them for a time while you suss out the kind of man he is with a series of fun things you’re both into, then see what happens if you both want to keep going maybe he’ll meet them and that can do a lot for a guy who’s still figuring himself out.. afterall you’re both worthy of love 100%

19. I’ve never wanted kids, and whilst happily married for many years now with no kids, when I was single, kids would be a deal breaker for me, and if I’d known beforehand, wouldn’t have met up in the first place. I don’t think there’s anything wrong in my views. I’ve honestly spent my adult life avoiding getting anyone pregnant.

20. Here’s the thing

    You don’t have a lot of time for a relationship. And that is the main problem.

    Between your job, your kids, and your friends and family…that doesn’t leave a lot of time for your relationship

    So if you are not making it but a couple of months then my guess is that you are not even attempting to make the guy feel like a priority in your life

    I dated a single mom once. We clicked. She was great. But she never made time for me.

    She made time for everyone else in her life. Her kid, her mom, her friends, her coworkers, her church family…etc etc

    But when it came to me, I was never a priority

    And after a couple of months, I just moved on.

    It’s hard work being a single parent and dating…much harder than if you don’t have kids. And that seems to be the thing that a lot of single parents don’t get

    You have to put in more effort than you realize

    And what usually ends up happening is that the single parents wants to fall back into the same routines that they were in when they were married or with the kid’s other parent.

    But those routines happened AFTER the kids were born.

    Before that, you dated…spent time with each other…and prioritized each other in your life

    Being a single mom does not limit your dating potential as much as you think. I swore off single moms a long time ago. But I really didn’t. I had some bad experiences with some immature and selfish single mothers and it soured me

    But you never say never.

    The reality is, dating in your 30’s fucking sucks….with or without kids

    Dating in your 30’s with 2 kids means you have to start not only looking for a specific type of guy, you have to make that guy a priority in your life even if that means spending a little less time with friends, or on hobbies, or doing some of the things you want to do.

    Because it’s all relative. If you can find a healthy relationship, then you can find a groove and a routine that works.

    But you will never get there if you don’t first figure out a way to make the man you are dating feel as if he is a priority in your life

    You can’t expect him to just sit around waiting for you to find time for him.

    You can’t expect him to be the person always initiating communication or suggesting date ideas.

    And on top of all of that….you as an attractive woman in your 30’s will have to deal with the reality that people have way more options now than when you were younger.

    Social media and online dating changed the game.

    Like I said…dating in your 30’s and 40’s is hard and you just have to power through it and accept its not going to be like it was

21. Honestly, A great mom makes me attracted more to the woman. Kids deserve to be treated great especially going between houses. I’ve dated several single mothers. Gives you an excuse to watch cartoons and ride go karts too! Lol. Good guys do exist. We just get overlooked for the tall, hot ones. I promise if it’s a dealbreaker for a guy then you deserve better than what they would bring to the table anyways.

22. Are you going for men without kids? I can say for myself that women with kids are just an automatic no from me and I think thats how most without kids are gonna feel. Maybe go for someone in a similar situation as you, i.e. also has kids but divorced.

23. I just stopped trying to date tbh. From these comments and the general world view, it is evident single mothers are seen as used goods that do not deserve a relationship. I’ve even had single fathers tell me they wouldn’t date a single mother, all while looking for a step mother for their children. I’m going to stay single until my kid is an adult.

24. Well, divorced man of 22 yrs here. I’m out of your age range, so no worries about idiotic stuff. How and where are you meeting men? Hopefully not on Tinder. There are as many eligible, divorced men in your age range as there are women. Some of these men will, indeed, avoid single moms. Most that do have reservations about the financial considerations that come with kids, but you are financially stable, so that shouldn’t be a hindrance. Other divorced men have been traumatized by their divorce experiences, and have the mind set that they’ll never again marry, and assume single moms are husband hunting.

    Are there “meet and greet” establishments in your area? Or do you have relatives/friends who know of a “possible” unattached male to whom you can be introduced? Also, do you ever take your kids to playgrounds, Chucky Cheese, water parks, etc.? There are divorced men that take their kids to these attractions, and you might be able to strike up a conversation at such a venue.

    Don’t lose hope; you’re not old like me, and I’m still looking 🙂

    I wish you well.

25. I’m a 33 year old guy (tomorrow technically lol) and never married never had kids. Not at all afraid of meeting a single mom or divorcee splitting custody with an ex… kind of accepted the fact that odds are, it’s just going to be that. A lot of other people didn’t struggle with confidence and self esteem in their 20s and very likely got married abd started families like “normal people” lol.

    Sounds odd to me if you look younger than your age, have a good job, can hold a conversation, and stay active with hobbies and interests you enjoy- but I guess my advice is to keep at it? Idk if maybe it’s just shell shock getting dropped into the current dating scene that’s different than your first go around, but its not you sweetie. Human decency is dead. Maybe technology, maybe culture, maybe the “self love” and “cut out toxic people” stuff went a little too far- I don’t know. But someone can be texting or even dating you in person a few times then disappear with no explanation or warning. Thats not bc you’re flawed or unworthy- it’s because everyone and everything is shit on this bitch of an earth. The sooner you believe that, in your bones, the better. A guy ghosted? Don’t think for a second its you. 99% odds it wasn’t. Hes getting further with one of the other 5 people he’s talking to. Or not. Maybe it’s going good and it scares him and he doesn’t know how to communicate. Or he got bored and doesn’t know how to say it as the days pass and doing the decent thing and telling you the truth gets more and more awkward.

    It’s the norm now, unfortunately. We’ve collectively decided you can just stop texting that profile on hinge/tinder/bumble that was a fun diversion whenever you want to, and you don’t have to worry or consider the fact they’re a person with feelings, for some reason. If they have the confidence to call you on it because they treat people like humans, just unmatch or block- it’s 2022! You don’t have time to be considerate! Lol. I know I’m being cynical, but I’ve been out here in this hell awhile, and that’s how it’s working these days, sadly. Remind yourself they don’t owe you shit, so it hurts less when they give you nothing (bc they will) and even though it hurts like hell and your brain is tempted to think “was it something I did? Or said?” DO NOT LET IT. The only fighting chance you have to keep wading through the waist deep shit-swamp being single is, is to believe you’re good enough and worthy of love. DONT let their shitty behavior toward you make you question yourself. You’ll 2nd guess yourself and feel like you’re not lovable and waste time having to undo that and regain you confidence instead of moving forward with your eyes open for the next opportunity to meet someone who might not be shitty. It sucks, but when in doubt, if it really doesn’t make any sense and you can’t obviously think of how you pushed them away- don’t waste time, self esteem, and confidence inventing some way that you must have! Be angry at them for being a dick and not telling you what’s up, if you must- it’s better than doubting and thinking less of yourself because of someone else’s actions!

26. > I know being a single mom severely limits my potential in the dating world

    You hit the nail on the head. The available guys who are going to be interested plummets just with that. So think of it this way.

    Of the available pool of guys you are going to be wading in the shallow end and it’s down to simple statistics.

    At your age, the good ones are already taken or are in long term relationships already. Of those that are left, you are either dealing with divorcees or ones that are coming out of LT relationships. Of those then they already have kids so taking on someone else’s (or even dealing with someone else’s) is going to remove most. Of those that are left, they are either living child-free lives so don’t want kids, or are looking for someone to have kids with – this then removes a whole bunch more.

    Simply put, there are not that many guys in your age bracket that will date single moms (and the same goes for women dating singled dads). No one wants to play second fiddle to the kids, be on the hook for helping raise another guys kids and that’s not even getting into the whole priorities thing (them versus the kids).

    Sure there are guys out there that will not see this as an issue, but then you have to consider that you are also competing with all of the other single moms out there for this small pool of guys.

    What you are left with then are the losers/abusers/leeches.

    Sorry, but as a single mom in her mid-30’s you are wading in a very shallow pool.