We had a fight and things that we dance around or hold our tongues on come out in plain english. Insults are thrown which escalates things even further. Doors slamming, stomping, aggressively pointing, yelling.
After we separate for several minutes i feel bad to hear her crying. I calm down and realize i only acted certain ways out of anger and that I shouldnt have said this or I didnt need to slam this door. I just needed to be heard and say every way up to this point hasnt worked. I feel enough guilt and go apologize that isn’t accepted. Im sorry for the animation but the things i yelled about are serious and things that really need to be addressed and validated. How do i communicate that?
3 comments
Dude, how old are yall? The best way to solve this is to go to her with humility, admit the immature behavior, no blame, no defense, ..vow to learn how to communicate AND PUT EFFORT into doing that – either thru counseling, books, sessions every week talking, 20 min a day together uninterrupted…. or all of the above. Learn how to communicate with respect so to can both be heard. Go to her now and tell her that’s what you want, and you want to learn how together. The individual issue of this one fight is TEENY compared to the overall monster in the room of how yall treat each other. Fix that one first.
First off understand your anger is a mask for pain, you are in pain and you finally had enough and you let it out. The issue is you flooded and well it wasn’t like you two were fighting in a healthy way already so yeah a big blow up is kind of projected and will keep happening if you two don’t site down and talk about the real issues at hand.
You have told her you are sorry that is the first step, good. Now you need to get to a place where you understand where this anger and pain are coming from, and thats where I recommend therapy. Something is going on and it is hurting you and it is now hurting her…. you need to end this circle of pain making pain.
Last start taking care of yourself and encourage her to do the same. Its hard to have a healthy relationship if you aren’t healthy yourself.
It gets better if you do the work
I think you did pretty well here. Explain how you didn’t like the theatrics, but that you also still feel the same about the subjects at hand.
It might be good to schedule a time both of you can communicate with each other. That way you are both prepared with what you’re going to say, and you can take time to collect yourself.