My boyfriend (31M) and I (32F) have been together for almost 5 years. We met when we were working overseas. Then 1 year into our relationship, we moved to different countries but continued our long-distance relationship (LDR). We were still ok and talking/chatting every day.
Then almost a year ago, I developed a severe depression so I decided to move to the country where he is at. But I felt like we became more distant since. He visits me only once a month even though he is only 1.5-hour drive away. (He is living with his family and I’m renting my own space.) I’ve offered to visit him but he always have some things to do for his family. Even worse, he doesn’t call me daily anymore.
It seems to me that he always prioritize his family. For example, if his family call him and ask for his help, we’d need to change our plans.
I told him how I felt several times and it even came to the point where I broke things off with him. But he cried and promised to be better. To prioritize me more over his family. So we got back together.
But a week after that, he has to accompany his family for business. He told me that it would only take 2-3 weeks. But it’s almost a month now. I tried calling him several times to check up on him but he always tell me that he’s busy. And it’s almost a week since I last messaged him and he has yet to reply. I don’t want to message him again since he hasn’t replied to my last message. But I can’t concentrate anymore. Is there anything else I can do to make this work?
TLDR: We’ve been LDR for quite awhile then I moved to where he is at but we became even more distant. Is there anything left to do here?
2 comments
I think this emotional and communication distance is a symptom of a larger problem. You’re not feeling connected and valued these days. It is completely ok to want more from your partner than what you’re describing. Have a conversation and see if he is able to give you more. You’ve been dating for 5 years! You don’t need to be afraid to be direct.
Never be afraid of pursuing the love and standards you want. He may be able to give it to you.
This is barely even a relationship anymore. You barely talk or see each other. He isn’t showing any interest in including you in his life.
He may have liked the long distance. You get to say you’re in a relationship, without any of the actual stuff a relationship involves, like spending time together.
I don’t see how this relationship has a future. If after 5 years this is the best he can do, why waste your time?