Hello again reddit!
(It seems lately i’m always hanging around this sub, uh)
As in title, i’ve been dating this amazing girl for the past 3 weeks – we have a lot of fun togheter, we enjoy every waking moment and shared some very personal stories about each other – we are also extremely physical (lots of touching and cuddling and generally seeking one the presence and touch of the other in a clearly romantic way), but we have never kissed.
After our 4th date I asked if I could kiss her, and she initially leaned closer then froze and answered “i’m not sure, I dont know” so i stepped back and she profusely apologized, later while driving she told me how these past weeks togheter have been the most happy she has ever been since one of her parents died, and we shared a quite deep talk about love and romance.
Since then she has been much more cuddly and close, we even spooned in her bed while watching a film and confessed that she’s “Constraining herself from jumping on me”.
I really dont understand what’s passing on her mind, is she really not ready yet?
We both came out of long-term toxic relationships, so that might have to do with it.
I’m honestly just scared that she’s using me as an emotional cushion, because i **REALLY** do like her
TL;DR
Girl i’ve been going out for the past 3 weeks refused to kiss because she isn’t ready yet, tought we pretty much already act as a couple – we are both fresh out of a toxic relationship, and I fear being usend as a emotional cushion, expecially because I really do like and trust her.
4 comments
>We both came out of long-term toxic relationships, so that might have to do with it.
How long ago?
Seems strange to draw the line at kissing after cuddling and sharing so much together, but there you go, everyone is different I suppose. The question is, how long are you prepared to wait?
It’s been three weeks, calm down big lad.
People come around at their own pace, if you feel three weeks is too long to wait for a girl you like.. she probably has good reason for holding you off.
Incipient relationships can progress slowly or rapidly: the important thing is that they progress. When a relationship stops progressing, that’s usually a sign that it’s time to move on.
That said:
> asked if I could kiss her, and she initially leaned closer then froze and answered “i’m not sure, I dont know” so i stepped back and she profusely apologized
This kind of reaction seems over the top – unless her previous relationship had crossed the line from toxic to abusive.
Note that this does not invalidate my first assertion: if she’s dealing with actual trauma, she may not be in a place where she can pursue a relationship – however sincerely she might wish to.
Talk to her. Regardless of where she’s at, it’s legitimate to talk about where you’re at and your concerns that the relationship is not progressing, and it’s fair to ask her to share her perspective. Don’t press her for reasons or explanations: especially if they relate to trauma, she needs to tell you in her own time. But certainly it’s fair to talk about your path forward, and expect her to actively undertake it with you. If she can’t, she’s not in a place where she can sustain a relationship right now.
Good luck.
Probably has another guy and she is not sure where she is at with him? Needs to sort that one out before being able to commit.