In a few weeks I’m going overseas with my good friend. We’ve become closer and closer lately and been sleeping together a lot. We keep saying we are friends and he’s recently gotten out of a relationship. We’ve been sleeping together most weeks and I went to his parents place for dinner recently. Everyone thinks we are seeing each other but we keep saying we are friends.
I had a panic attack yesterday as I realised I’m falling in love with him and now we are going away for a month together, sharing a bed the whole time. Im just going to fall even harder. I cant cancel the holiday and I can’t tell him how I feel as then the holiday is ruined if not reciprocated. I don’t think he wants anything more but it’s killing me. I keep pushing these feelings away and trying to convince myself I don’t have feelings for him but I do. I love him. If I’m being honest with myself, I’ve loved him for 10 years but never thought he’d go for me. I don’t know how I’m going to cope on this holiday and what to do next.