When I’m alone with a person, I have no problem having long conversations. I can adept to him/her and ask questions, also talk about myself. Also I feel like I’m actually getting to know the other person.
But as soon as there is a third person there are several group dynamics in play that through me off.
First there suddenly is this contest for the spotlight. The more people there are the harder it becomes to “naturally” get to speak. You’ll actively have to power someone else over to get an equal share of talking, or if you are speaking you need to “defend” your right to speak, if you haven’t finished yet. Usually I find that too stressful, so I just accept that I’ll be talking a lot less.
Also the conversation gets real superficial. It becomes like this comedian contest. If the jokes are actually funny, then that’s fine. But if everyone tries to crack joke after joke, usually after 30 mins it becomes overkill, the joke quality is going down and I’m just fake laughing.
And finally there is also some sort of status battle going one. Where people are trying to figure out who is the “leader” of the group. If person A talks to person B, there is no incentive for A to make B look or feel bad. But as soon as person C enters. Then there is this idea that person A talks down to person B to impress person C and convince C that A is of higher status than B. And usually these status fights are not carried out openly, but secretly. Hidden by some sort of joke.
​
Am I the only one that feels that way ? Is it too sensitive to be enjoyed by these things ?