If you are a father, what are your best “dont tell mom” moments with your kids?

33 comments

  2. My wife bought my son a brand new pair shorts, and within 20 mins of wearing them for the first time he took a sh*t in them.

    He said, “Dad, I had an accident. Can you help me?” I helped him by cleaning him all up and tossing his shorts in the trash.

    I think my wife is still looking for those shorts. She can’t figure out what happened to them.

    My son and I still laugh about it.

  3. Ehh i was the kid and my parents where divorced but, i wanted to build an electric longboard and my mother told me no, so my dad bought the spotwelder i needed and helped me build it, we kept it quiet until the first drive

  4. Buying them extra toys when they were little.. letting them stay up late.. when they slipped the bad words..

  5. Only time I was serious was about presents for her.

    I often told them not to tell Mummy that I let them stay up super late when I had them on my own. Course those nights were still in bed on time and sometimes early. Gods I liked when they couldn’t tell the time.

  7. I’m divorced and have shared custody of my daughter (10). I used to sometimes let her play parts of RDR2 while I watched, she just liked riding the horses and feeding them etc. Anyway I sort of let her do more and more in the game, but it was my third or fourth playthrough and I knew where the parts where that I shouldn’t let her see.

    One morning I slept in late and she started playing without me. She comes in a little while later and wakes me up. She’s played the LeNnY mission, and seen what happens in the upstairs room of the saloon while you’re searching for Lenny.

    I try and explain its really a game for grown ups, and some parts aren’t meant for kids, and perhaps it would be best if we just keep it between her and I.

    Of course she told her mother, which is totally fair, and I got chewed out for it

  9. Me and my dad have this thing whenever my mom works late night shifts. He’ll be like: Pssst “Foody”, if you bike to the -insert nearest grocery store- and get me some M&M’s, you can buy something for yourself as well. To this day my mom still doesn’t know and we’ve been doing this for years.

  10. As the kid, parents built their first house and absolutely loved it. Mum was determined to not damage anything for as long as possible. Just as we move in I am helping dad setup his new dart board, it needed to be screwed in to hang it. Dad decided not to use a stud finder and took 3 attempts to find the stud to screw it into, luckily the board covered up the other holes. Dad made me promise to not tell mum. She didnt find out until the day they moved and took down the board.

  12. Taking them with me to my office for them to watch TV and raid my snack stash while I got some work done.

  13. Donuts in the car after school sometimes.
    ‘You geese better eat all your dinner….’

  14. My wife goes out a lot with friends and I don’t. If she stays out late, I will keep the kids up with me watching movies. When we see headlights in the driveway, I sneak them up to their rooms and pretend they have been asleep for hours.

  15. I’m the daughter, my dad and I used to go to the dollar store and get all the “horrible disgusting crap food” AKA pork rinds and UTZ chips, and “destroy the evidence” (eat the goods) before we got home to mom.

  16. Not a dad, but my dad was great at this. The first one I remember is when he bought a new flat screen TV, maybe 15 years ago now. He said don’t tell mum, she won’t notice. She noticed, it took a couple days, but she noticed.

    The best one is when he bought a Labrador and said don’t tell mum. She noticed that one pretty quickly

  17. When the wife would go out with friends, my daughter and I would eat dinner in the living room in front of the TV instead of at the table. This was known as “Mommy’s not home style”. We would usually have food that the wife didn’t like so it was our treat. This went well until one day the wife decided she wanted to try one of these meals. I get everything set up on the table and my daughter asks, “Aren’t we going to eat Mommy’s not home style?”

  18. I nearly set the house on fire.

    Doing some gardening with son, whise was excited to see me kill some weeds. I have a weed burner, essentially a mini flame thrower to kill weeds in the garden. Had some dead and very dry ivy up the side of my house and thought it would be a great idea to burn it off to make sure it was properly dead and gone.

    Safe to say it quickly went up in a blaze, however I didn’t take into account that the Ivy went all the way up to the roof. And its starts burning/melting the guttering. In a blind panic, I drop the flame thrower in the garage and run to get the hose pipe, put the fire out as casually as possible so as not to alert the neighbours whose house I also nearly set fire to.

    Hallelujah no more smoke. Thank the gods no one noticed. Go to put the hose pipe away, find that I left the mini flame thrower on in the garage. By some miracle nothing caught fire.

    As casually as I could I asked him not tell mummy, he agrees and it has never come up since. No idea if he even remembers it. To this day I have no idea how I got away with any of it.

  20. A guy and his son went to Dairy Queen once a week in secret when his wife forced them to only eat healthy foods. She didn’t want junk food in the house.

    I noticed this one day at the store because the little kid was bragging about it.

  21. Only when I take them to buy presents for her.

    1. You never want to set precedent for your kids to hide things from either parent
    2. You can’t really trust a little kid to keep a secret, and its fun to watch them try

  22. Was once given tickets from my boss to see a Boston Celtics game. He had very good seats very close to the Celtics bench. I took my, then, seven year old son.

    Although you can’t usually hear it on TV, basketball players talk a LOT on the court during the game. Most of their talk can be very profane, to be kind.

    One such talker is Kevin Garnett who was playing for the Celtics. With every f-bomb he directed at the opposing players, my son’s eyes got wider and eventually was grinning at the thought of him hearing these words he was not supposed to say in our house.

    I found it harmless and as he would look toward me for a reaction, I quipped “don’t tell Mom” which for him made it even better. 🙂

  23. Every now and then, I would wake one of the kids up in the middle of the night and take him out to a restaurant for a midnight snack with dad.

  24. As the child perspective. My dad is a farmer and would always fall off his motorbike. My mum would get a tad annoyed each time she found out because she hated him riding the motorbike and would say he should take the car or get an atv. So he used to tell me every time when he fell off and only if he was injured badly would he fess up to her. He would tell me in case he turned ill or had a seizure or something so at least somebody knew but mum didn’t have to know every single time. Haha our secret. I am now 24 and he still calls me and tells me sometimes even though I don’t live at home anymore.

  25. My kids were horse playing in the picture adorned hallway, knocked some frames off and busted a hole in the wall. I knew Mom (wifey) would be pissed so, we hung everything back and covered the hole! I told them to not say a word and if/when it’s discovered, I’d take the heat. I’m a natural klutz anyway!

    Needless to say, years later, wifey discovers the hole, immediately goes to the kids and as instructed, I was blamed! I received the wrath of wifey, while my kids watched in utter shock and disbelief. I took it like a champ, never cracked *and* became a hero!

  26. When my son was about 9-10 years old, I was playing Donkey Kong Returns on our Nintendo at about 11:30 pm. My wife is an early sleeper, so I was alone as the kid was already in bed.

    I couldn’t get past the stupid Mole Train level, so I woke him up to play it through for me so I could keep playing. After he was done I sent him back to bed and told him, “Don’t tell Mom!” It’s still one of his favorite times, I think.

  27. My husband plays hockey and often gets home around 11:00 pm. If it’s a weekend, he’ll wake up the kids and go downstairs for a “midnight movie” while I slept. Clearly I know about it (kids told
    Me right away haha) but he still does it every so often. I think it’s so sweet.

  28. At this point, it’s giving my 2.5 year old a piece of candy or a popsicle and saying “don’t tell mama!”, which is usually immediately followed by “mama look what daddy gave me!”

  29. My dad wanted to see Return of the King so bad but it was the birthday of my grandpa on my mom’s side so there wasn’t time to watch because of the stupid party… so we deviced a plan where I was going to fake having an upset stomach after finishing work (my dad has his own company and he took me to work with him almost daily) and that he was gonna take me to the doctor; fortunately for us, our family doctor is a friend, so we called him and told him like “hey, most likely you won’t be asked ever but in case it happens, we’re faking this and that” and the family doctor was like “holy shit I want to go too!” So we all went! and I had to drink Gatorade for a few days to “hydrate” after such a bad diarreah, that stopped me from arriving earlier to my grandpa’s birthday.

  30. Uncle here. I have a 12 yr old nephew and his mom and my wife went out for the night. We have Life360, (we both tend to lose our phones) so I could tell when they were coming home.

    Friday night, we are doing a 2022 version of a LAN party. I brought my console and we brought his mom’s TV into the living room. Pizza, soda, and candy until about midnight (his bedtime is 9). We see they are coming home and it’s a mad dash to put everything back and put him in bed before they get back. Don’t tell mom.

    Little dude was so wasted thr next morning, and I think his Mom could tell we were up late… but little dude didn’t rat me out, just said he didn’t sleep well.
    Totally worth it, he

  31. I might have a few that fit, all with my 7yo daughter:

    * Teaching her wood carving with a knife thats in our family for 4 generations (more like a toothpick now). Super important moment for both of us, she really took a liking to wood working but moms not a fan of knives at that age. Understandable.
    * Getting ice cream three times in a single day, skipping lunch. Said that the tummy ache was totally worth it.
    * Getting into a competition of who can jump farther from the swings. Mom feared this could send our kid to the ER, I feared I might lose. I did, indeed, lose.
    * Her mom wanted to quickly grab a few things from the store and we were waiting in the parking lot. I wanted to get out of the car and stretch my legs, but my kid said the parking lot is lava, so I climbed onto the car roof, shouting “your seat is lava”, which led to her climbing trough the sunroof and sitting down next to me. I’ll never forget this moment. Mom almost caught us.

  32. One time my mom and I were going through our freezer to make room for some things and she pulled out a vacuum sealed bag containing about 4 or 5 ounces of weed. My mom is very against any type of drug but she has no clue what weed in bud-form looks like. My dad has a friend that grows so assumed that’s where it came from. My mom immediately asked what it was and I managed to say “uhh… it’s hops. For beer”.

    She brought the bag to my dad who was in the garage to ask what it was. I was able to mouth “HOPS” to him and what followed was my dad describing the beer making process to my mom in great detail until she got bored and left. My dad has no clue how to make beer.

  33. Son here. My dad was awesome for some “Don’t tell mom” stories, but the one that sticks out the most was when he needed new tires on the truck. He picked me up around 9am from school, got to the truck and he says don’t tell your mother about today, if she asks you were in class all day.

    He proceeds to take me muddin through a cow field (had permission). Then to a vacant lot next to the tire shop, we spent the next 1/2 hour torching the rear tires off the truck. He taught me how to do a proper doughnut and burn out and power slide. Let me take a few turns at the doughnuts too. We went till one of the tires gave up, he then taught me how to change a tire. I was 10 and it was amazing.

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