Lately I’ve noticed that completely random people I’ve never met before will touch me in conversation. It’s happened at bars with guys but it happens most often with middle aged women touching my arm or shoulder or worst of all my waist. I hate it so much. I have issues with physical contact and don’t like when friends or family touch me let alone strangers. It feels like alerts are going off in my head and I panic. My first instinct is to feel really defensive and in my head I’m very upset and angry since I’ve never met them and the whole pandemic thing should deter that sort of behavior, right? But on the outside I just shut down and wait for it to be over. It always leaves me feeling bad for not standing up for myself but I’m not sure what to do to while not seeming mean or rude. (I’ve though of a simple “please don’t touch me” but I feel like that might hurt their feelings). I’d prefer to do something before any contact has happened instead of after. I think one of the reasons this happens is because of my demeanor. I am often very shy and insecure looking when I’m speaking to strangers (social anxiety) so I think it’s their way of trying to make me feel more comfortable. I’ve tried standing farther away but they always inch up closer. Has anyone struggled with this and found a solution? Any advice would be very appreciated.
TLDR: strangers touch me casually and it really bothers me but I don’t know how to express that I don’t like it in a good way.
4 comments
Shouldn’t you solve your phobia around being touched first?
I’ve come to the conclusion that when there’s a problem, the answer is always changing myself
Send a social cue that it bothers you.
It’s okay to tell someone, “i don’t know you that well, so please don’t touch me like that.”
Ive had people who are touchy feely, or what seems like touchy feely is more like poking to me.
It just creeps me out because I’m not aquainted with them at all.
I don’t have a problem saying, “please don’t touch me” while I back away like they’re trying to stab me.
It’s not mean to say. They’re weird people.
All tweaked out talking about stuff I don’t care about.
Touching me isn’t going to pursuade me to be more accepting of your drug habit.
Think about it this way. If they’re decent people who respect boundaries, they won’t be offended if you straight up tell them not to touch you. If they get offended, they are assholes who don’t care how their actions affect others and really just want to walk around touching others willy-nilly. So them being offended and backing off entirely plays in your favor. If they can’t deal with a simple request of no touching, there’s way more worms in that can.