This is more so for my mom. She just went through something hard and needs our support to feel better about what happened. My dad however keeps giving her crap about it and making bad jokes to her and it’s really damaging her self-esteem. And she keeps trying to tell him what happened will never happen again and he doesn’t believe her because he thinks she does nothing all day which gives her plenty of time to make mistakes.
That’s not the case though. I don’t know much about what my mom goes through tbh but I know that whenever she is gone the house is a mess and I have to clean it or it’ll be waiting for her to get back. She does a lot of work cleaning our house after all of us everyday. However my dad doesn’t ever notice because he’s the type of person where if he doesn’t see it with his own eyes it never happened.
I told her she should not clean anyone else’s mess or do anything else she does like laundry for a week so he can see really just how much she does. Her sister told her the same thing. Is this a good idea?? I feel if my dad sees just how messy things get when she isn’t cleaning for us he will understand what she does and appreciate her work more. I also gave her another idea about proving nothing is going on, I won’t explain it because it’ll get too personal, but I think if she does these things he won’t tear her down anymore.
Oh also: before anyone says that this relationship is kinda toxic and my dads being a jerk etc. I know and I don’t want to hear more of it. I’ve expressed to my mom this actually may not be a healthy relationship and couples therapy would be a good idea. But my dad doesn’t believe in therapy or issues with mental health.
2 comments
Your idea of her not being a maid for anyone anymore and just clean and cook for herself would show him what she does. But you can’t be stepping in either. It can cause more fights but it might not. It can also give her the push she needs to leave him as well. Basically there are good and bad that goes with it but if she can handle it, it would be worth a try.
The other idea you should post so you can get feedback if it is actually good or not. You can do it with still being vague about what is happening.
“But my dad doesn’t believe in therapy OR ISSUES WITH MENTAL HEALTH”
Please try to get your mom out of this relationship. I didn’t even read the whole thing, honestly. Two paragraphs in and skipped to the bottom and I knew how bad it was. Fuck your dad if he can’t understand people struggle emotionally and need help.
Edit: And no, your dad will not understand if she suddenly stops and he sees how messy things get. He’ll just get more annoyed.