Men who were failing as a spouse, how did you turn your life/relationship around?

4 comments

1. Realized one day i had been spending more time and effort into my career than to my life partner. Decided i had enough of prioritizing money, career and status over love. Best decision i ever made.

2. I realised that I had spent 25 years putting my wife first and believing her when she complained or said she was happy. I finally understood she was playing games and manipulating me. Her threats of divorce numbered in the hundreds, but never materialised.

   I turned it around by simply not caring anymore. Fuck that shit I’m out.

3. I listened and took feedback, acknowledged bedgrudingly that perhaps I was the problem. Had a good epic sulk by myself and went to bed early more times than I cared to admit, then realized that I had stopped saying little common sense things like, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.” Like I actually gave a shit. I also stopped banking on love to conquer all and took the initiative to fight for her and improve myself even when she’s being a massive pain in my butt.

   I stopped leaning on my offenses like a crutch and started empathizing and asking questions again instead of making sweeping judgements and statements. I also stopped rising to the bait when she got angry and realized she was just as hard headed as I was, but that someone had to be an adult about it. I stopped treating her like the spouse and remembered who she was without all the stupid saddled on titles. We were friends first and engaging her otherwise with expectations was just building the resentment.

   Now when things are rough we actually talk it out instead of insulting and cursing each other. I get to hold her instead of sleeping alone on the couch wondering why she would do this to me. I got used to being honest and taking the consequences of honesty, alongside reaffirming that we should both be on the same page. If your partner still wants to make it work with you, then you still have a chance to fix things. If one of both of you completely checks out, it’s probably only a matter of time.

4. For me, it was a fuckton of introspection. Looking back at all the situations I created because I wasn’t the man I thought I was. After that, it was just making the choice to NEVER be that person again. If I want 100% of someone, I have to be willing to give 100% of myself.