i’m a 25f seeing someone is 30m. he looks at women in public, social media etc and has no hesitation giving compliments to them but when it comes to me he cannot give any compliments.
i take what he says about women in stride and have asked him multiple times why he won’t compliment me and he’s never given me a solid answer and will only reply back when i saw “do you think ___ is cute on me”’or do you think _____ is nice” he will never be proactive on his own.
to give context, i am free flowing when it comes to compliments and always make sure that he feels special + attractive. he says he comes from a family that doesn’t compliment but always takes my compliments happily and as mentioned can comment on other women.
he also is critical of my appearance (makes fun of me for having a smaller ass, tells me to get a waist trainer when i already have a 25 inch waist) which i have also taken in stride but i asked that he would balance the criticism with a compliment to which he ignored and instead asked why i don’t want to improve myself.
am i wrong for feeling upset? i have worked hard to have a healthy esteem and by being with him i’ve found myself becoming more insecure. any advice is appreciated.
26 comments
This guy is a complete and utter douche for doing this SPECIFICALLY because you actually do compliment him. What the hell are you doing staying with someone who makes you feel underappreciated and does the OPPOSITE of what you do to show him affection? Are you ok..? What a bizarre thing to do.
You are not wrong in being upset. Maybe there’s a reason he’s still single at his age. The way he is treating you is emotionally abusive. Don’t settle.for that. You deserve better.
Looks like a huge red flag to me…
This guy sounds like a total dick. I always go out of my way to compliment my girlfriends body. I want them to feel sexy and confident in their skin around me. What he is doing is so much worse, especially for a 30yo man. This is enough for me to say dump him and move on.
Kinda off topic, but I was actually thinking about how women rarely compliment men. Not all women of course, but I’ve noticed some women I’ve dated seem to go out of their way to never give a single compliment about my appearance. Yet I swear they were dating me strictly for my looks in some cases. My theory is insecure people or sociopaths try to keep their partner’s ego in check so they won’t want to leave them.
Compliment your partner. Especially men, you’ll make his week.
You’ve worked hard on your self-esteem; now dump him so he doesn’t regress your work!!!!
He negs you to lower down your self esteem so that you’ll always seek his validation and never leave him because he believes this method will make you believe you’re lucky to have him and that you’ll never find someone who will accept you. He empathizes his efforts to make you feel that way by complimenting other women in front of you to make you feel inferior to them. RUN. Block him on everything and never ever look back.
Why are you seeing this person? Jettison him.
Does he even realize he’s doing it though? If he’s doing it intentionally to degrade your self worth and make you get validation from him or elsewhere what does he realistically think he’s going to get from that. If he doesn’t know he’s doing it is a whole other bag of worms I wouldn’t want to touch in the first place. Either way, if you don’t address it, you won’t know. Answer is still the same either way, it’s not anyones job to teach someone not on their level how to communicate with you. He either knocks the bullshit off or, you go find something better. It’s your life and what you allow is what it is made of. Compose your life of music, and memories, not the what ifs and whatshisnames
Dump them. I dated someone like that before. No compliments, ever, lest it go to my head, but plenty to dish out to random strangers. It’s not a good dynamic. I think it’s a learned abuse pattern.
If you are not happy, why stay? You deserve to be complimented often by your significant other. My ex also wouldnt give me any type of compliment besides the occasional ”You look great, babe” when I was at my maximum dolled up. Whenever I was not dressed to go clubbing he would never say anything positive about my appearance or personality, rather he would mock me, comment on my eating habits (even im skinny fit) and my favourite.. mocking my eating habits. I told him how I felt, and that Im rather single than be taken by someone who doesnt compliment me. He said I have to just get used to living without it. I told him bye. You dont have to put up w this, you are beautiful and deserve someone who tells you that everyday.
If your friend told you the guy she was seeing kept making fun of her body and making her feel insecure what would you say?
Why do you still see him?!
He is playing 6 dimensional chess
You are allowing him to emotionally abuse you. Leave this relationship for your health. You don’t need this crap from some dick
leave him
Yeah No. The lack of compliments is bad enough but talking shit about your ass and the size of your already small waist. WTF. DROP HIM and that pathetic negging bullshit.
Lookup negging. He’s insecure and is trying to ruin your self-esteem so you’ll be insecure too and then won’t ever leave him. I dated a guy like this years ago and when I asked why he never complimented me he said he needed to keep me humble and didn’t want me to know I was cute and could do better than him. It’s always intentional. Leave immediately and find someone who makes you feel worthy vs someone like him who is tearing you down.
as soon as a man says a negative thing about my appearance, or even suggesting i would look better if i had “bigger” this or “slimmer” that, i am leaving that relationship immediately. to be blunt he seems like an asshole, and you deserve someone who loves you for you and showers you with praise/compliments.
He sounds a but Narcissistic. Need proof? Ask him about his relationship with his Mom. Sorry to say love but he’s doing this to lower your self-esteem so that u are dependent on him. Men like him prey on strong, confident women. It’s a game they play to where they are victorious in making u a shell of the woman that you was b4. You deserve better lil Sis. 😌
Why are you dating a turd? Wouldn’t you rather date someone else who actually likes you? I would.
Run 🏃🏻♀️ sorry it’s blunt but I’ve dated someone exactly like this. I stayed around longer than I should have and it just got worse. His excuse of he doesn’t come from a family that doesn’t compliment is bs. And he proves it by complimenting other woman.
Do not let him tear you down! A healthy relationship grows together, not bring each other down. You are not his build a Barbie. Would you want how he treats you to be how your best friend gets treated in a relationship? I know such a bizarre question but it’s something I try to do now bc it helps takes my feelings out of the equation and only looks at the behavior. If he’s not adding a positive impact to your life? Why is he there?
Also kinda not related but wtf is wrong with him?? 25inch waist. Yeah you’re not going to have a giant ass unless it’s fake or really really booty loving genes 😅. Do not let his comments get to you! You are young, definitely can find someone to appreciate you for you!
He’s probably insecure and doesn’t want you feel like you’re attractive – red flag.
This kind of thing doesn’t get any better. My ex would pick on my skin and subtle meaningless things in the beginning of our relationship, it took its toll, tore me down and by the end of the relationship his tiny comments had made me a shell of my former self. I’d run.
OP, I recently got out of a 6+ year relationship with a guy who rarely complimented me. I can’t even remember what his excuses were anymore. My advice, get out. By the time we broke up my self esteem was completely shot. He would tease me about things that I was self conscious about and when I tell him that the teasing hurts especially since I rarely get complimented, he would turn it around on me and say: oh I’m just joking or I compliment you all the time (he didn’t..). One of my first thoughts when we broke up was thinking I was so ugly now that no one would want to date me. Just a couple weeks after we broke up I started seeing my beauty again when I look in the mirror.
It sounds like you haven’t been dating long. You don’t realize the long term effects of this kind of behavior until it’s already caused damage.
Time to leave this guy.
Honestly, i think that giving no compliments to you is the least of your issues here.
Whats more problematic is:
1) He gives alot of compliments to whatever random women around and on social media.
2) He gives you s*it for your looks.
He either doesn’t find you as attractive and doesn’t respect nor appreciate you OR he knows you’re attractive, hence he’s intentionally trying to make you feel insecure so he could have an upper hand.
Whatever it is, he doesn’t rly love you. I would end that relationship.
GET A NEW MAN