Okay so this is my first Reddit post and I’m not very good at explaining myself very well so bare with me!
I have been invited to a friend’s birthday party which I was planning on attending along with some other friends of mine. I wouldn’t say we are particularly close friends now but we used to be and I’ve known them for around 10 years.
A few weeks ago my Girlfriend and I went to a gathering with some of my friends and the friend in question happened to be there so I introduced them both. My Girlfriend did not take a liking to my friend as she felt that they were deliberately ignoring her (which I don’t think is true) so after we left she voiced her displeasure and dislike of them which although I didn’t agree with I respected her opinion and left it at that.
Fast forward a few weeks and I get invited to this party. My girlfriend will be working that night so I thought there wouldn’t be an issue with me going so I tell her about it. She asks who’s party it is and I tell her and all.of a sudden the mood completely changed. She then goes on a rant telling me how much my friend insulted her that day and that if she was in my position she would not going but that I can do what I want. So I feel like I have been put in position where of I go I won’t have a good time as I know she doesn’t want me being there and if I don’t go I’ll be pissed that I’m missing out. I’m I being unreasonable for still wanting to go?
Disclaimer – We have been in a relationship for just over a year and this is the first time this has happened. The friend in question is female but I have absolutely no romantic feelings for her. She used to date my best friend!
TL;DR – I have been invited to a friend’s party who my Girlfriend has met once and she doesn’t like her because she thought that my friend ignored her the whole time. I still want to go to this party as I think it would be fun and all.my friends are going but I’m.being made to.feel like I shouldn’t go and I’m a bad person. Am I in the wrong?
5 comments
Answered this in your previous post (not sure why you or it got deleted), but I think you should consider what I said at the least.
One more question – you mentioned that you never had feelings for this friend – but is it possible that this friend ever had feelings for you?
I’ve experienced such a thing first-hand. Years ago, I went to a lady’s house party with a BF. I cheerfully went up to the hostess and complimented her on her home and the delicious salad, and while she wasn’t rude or mean, she kinda brushed me off and then went to the other side of the room and didn’t acknowledge me all night. She just made me feel very unwelcome. My BF thought I was “crazy” but it turns out that… yeah, well… she had tried to get with my man in the past.
Men tend to communicate directly. Women can often be much more subtle…
Anyways, if it’s your friend of 10+ years and it’s a big party, there should be no reason why you can’t go.
… but if your friend is making her feel unwelcome, that’s not really ok either.
How long was the interaction between your friend and your gf?
I find it interesting that you had to wait until the end of the paragraph to mention the gender.
You should also take into consideration that your friend dislikes your gf or didn’t mesh with your gf based on their first meeting. It’s always a possibility.
Personally, I can be biased since what happened to your gf has happened to me. When I first met my now-husband, he had this bestie (a woman) also his roomie, who also at first totally was cool with me dating him. Then she changed after a couple of months as her relationship with her partner deteriorate. And she knew to be subtle in front of my now-husband and really obvious about her disdain against me when he’s not in sight.
It’s very torturous because for some time, my partner didn’t believe me. Sure, we just started dating and she’s been in his life much longer. He couldn’t believe how his bestie of a decade would suddenly change her tune after being totally cool with me and him dating. And, just like what you did to your gf, my partner would excuse and justify everything she did/said even when the ‘insult’ was said in front of him too, i.e. oh you misunderstood her. She was probably not feeling well–she’s probably feeling awkward since she felt like a third wheel–and so on.
But something did happen later on which actually proved to him that indeed she was being a c*nt to me the whole time (there’s more, i.e. she was stealing from him too so…). And then they argued then there was a falling out between them and he never talked to her anymore. Just about when I was so close to just breaking up with since I thought, I was too old to be in this drama lol.
So my point is, just don’t put your head in the sand. There’s a possibility that your gf was not exaggerating when she thought your friend was not very welcoming toward her.
Of course, I’m not telling you to not go to the party. Of course you can go. You know though, your gf is not going to be happy about it, but since you want to go, then you should go. I suppose, you can handle the argument with the gf later on.
But if you think she’s overblowing things, and you distrust your gf, perhaps you shouldn’t be in the relationship with your current partner. Consider that too.
“Someone I barely know pointedly ignored me at a party” doesn’t merit this “my honor has been sullied” response.
Even if we take your gf completely at her word, her response is still over the top. Some people may not like you and will let you know, subtly or not. That’s just being a grown up.