I (23f) have been with my fiance (24m) since our h.s graduation in 2016 (6yrs). about 1-2yrs ago, he got a new phone and said i could use the old one for anything and look at whatever was on there (which includes social media messages or texts). i was on the phone one night deleting his spam, bot messages and anything from disabled accounts on Instagram. I didnt bother to actually read anything because nothing caught my eye or seemed sus, until i was at the end of his inbox.
There was a message from “Instagram User”, and the little bit of text that showed under the name looked weird, so i opened it. Their old messages had obviously been deleted, but what was left proved they had been in contact since at least 2018. The messages were sexual and showed that they did sexual roleplay multiple times. What reall got me was that their last chat was from Sep. 2018, the month after we got engaged. I dont care what you consider cheating, but this is cheating to me. I have the messages on my phone in case he deletes the chat log on his profile before i confront him. Im tired of thinking about it. What do you think is an appropriate way to bring it up? ive never confronted someone in this way.
TLDR: found proof fiance cheated after we got engaged, dont know how to confront him
8 comments
Confronting him just gives him an opportunity to further manipulate the situation. I recommend you simply end the connection because the trust is gone and won’t come back. You deserve better and I’m glad you know it. You already know he’s cheated and lied, don’t wait around for him to trickle truth and lovebomb you into giving him another chance.
Why bother? You have evidence of it. Just leave and DO NOT MARRY HIM.
Leave print outs of the messages on the table after you pack all your things and leave.
you deserve so much better , someone that shows you respect. id leave him and not allow him to lie his way out of it
If I’m reading this correctly then hasn’t it been over four years you’ve both been in “engaged” status? And that appears to have stopped four years ago, yes?
I mean, at some point the statute of limitations runs out. People can enter and exit college within that time, have several jobs, etc…
There is no nice way to bring this topic up. Sorry. Just do it. You have the evidence. But before leaving I would listen to what he has to say about his cheating. I would not just leave without confrontation. Stay strong!
You don’t need to confront him.
First, you need to decide what you want. Do you want to try and salvage the relationship? Do you just want to end it? Whatever it is, figure it out, and then follow through. Unless you for some reason want to try and salvage it, plan how to leave. No discussion necessary.
JUST FOR A LITTLE INFO: we planned on getting married in 2020, however we had: school expenses and his younger brother attempted to end his life, resulting in us having to take him off life support Dec.2nd 2019. We moved out of the family apartment after i found meth in his parents room and that led to their separation at the end of that month. I had a health scare for a few months where i had seizures, i had to crawl out of bed and couldnt move my neck or else id get tingling and numbness that shot through my whole body, causing a seizure. (never got a diagnoses, doctor said it was anxiety and sent me home with xanax lmao).
we had to move back in with his mother during mid 2021 to keep her from being evicted because she spent all her $ on alcohol and we had to pay her rent plus an extra 100$ (since she had the biggest apartment in the building) compared to what we paid at our own place. We had no money or time to get married.