This morning, after a few months of lengthy discussions, we (early 40’s M&F) agreed a trial separation after 17 years together (married for 10 of those). He has changed his mind on children. I still don’t want them (and never have), but it seems he is now very broody, so much so, it is a deal breaker. I’m worried about him, because he is the instigator for ending things and he is struggling with giving up so much with me, for a somewhat unknown and unknowable future. But at the same time, when talking to him, it feels clear I’m not what he wants any more. He is choosing kids over me, and I need to make my peace with that. I’m on a rollercoaster of emotions today. And I’m struggling to prioritise myself in all this, nurturing nature be dammed.
So far, there is no anger, only tears on both sides. I’m financially reliant on him at the moment (thanks redundancy!) although we do have a spare room so we can at least have some space each.
Long term couples without kids, who have split, what advice do you have for keeping it amicable? How do you even begin to undo 20 years together?
For the love of god be gentle, its been a rough day.
TL;DR – long term relationship ending due to irreconcilable differences. Much love still there – how to keep things amicable?
2 comments
It is rough. Dig into hobbies. Force yourself into classes, groups whatever. Volunteer. Garden. Whatever. Do anything. Talk about the freedom, even though it hurts sometimes. Get used to being on your own. Don’t rush into dating. It’s easy to get clingy. 17y is a long time. You need to learn how to be on your own.
Also, it may not be up to you if it is amicable. Also watch THe split on Apple TV. Life goals.