I’m hoping to hear from other bisexual/pansexual/omnivorous guys out there about your experiences online dating. Are you out on your profile? How do you think your sexuality impacts your level of interest/number of matches, either positively or negatively?
Just anecdotally, but I’ve noticed that if I mention my sexuality at all on my profile then the interest in me and number of right swipes sent my way seems to absolutely plummet (particularly from women). Discussions in other subs have confirmed some… pretty negative attitudes towards bi guys, but I’m hoping the slightly younger community here might be able to bolster my morale a little.
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Maybe stop saying omnivorous; most people get confused. I literally thought you were saying you didn’t have a preference when it came to food. Until I remembered people use terms fucking wrong.
I am a bisexual woman and I would swipe no on a man who put down “omnivorous” under sexuality because that makes no fucking sense.
Unfortunately from what I have seen queer men experience a lot of discrimination in dating, both from other men and women. However I think a large percentage of women who are not interested in you are not people you’d want to date anyway. If they’re swiping no on you because you list bisexuality/ pansexuality they most likely think that queer men are “too gay” ie lesser than, or they hold some other crappy opinion like that bisexual men are just Spicy Gay.
I’ve always been curious about this, and i, as a straight man, have developed an uniformed, highly ignorant theory on this topic that i can’t wait to share.
bi men get less matches from women because they are viewed as “less masculine.” even in progressive urban areas where LBGTQAI+ people are vocally supported and welcomed, and where people know being bi has nothing to do with masculinity. we can intellectually *know* something is wrong, but we cannot erase the instincts we have. and in the dating world, the hindbrain reigns supreme, and alone.
As a bi woman I would *date* a queer man but (idk sorry) I wouldn’t necessarily *swipe* right on one.
I think for me it’s always because In OLD from what I see they tend to present themselves in a very “gay” way to appeal to other gay men, and since I’m not a gay man it doesn’t appeal to me… but meeting irl is different. We get to know each other and I can pick up on whether we vibe or not if that makes sense.
And I know it’s a stereotype and not all queer men have the same look but where I live it’s very much the lil nas x/ bretman rock aesthetic and I feel like for me it’s hard to tell if im the type of woman they would date
I’m a hetero woman so feel free to disregard my unsolicited comment.
I wouldn’t think twice about swiping right for a bi/pan/queer man if I was interested in his profile.
To be fair though, I know that I tend to prefer men who are not hyper masculine and don’t feel insecure about various “feminine” traits (physically or personality-wise) they have. So queer men can actually be quite appealing in that way, though I haven’t dated anyone long term who identifies as queer. I’m not sure how un/common that is, but that’s my view 🤷🏼♀️
I am 40F and would definitely date a bi/pan man but I never see anyone disclose that in their profile in my area.
Do biguys act feminine? I’m trans and have dated and had hook ups with straights guys who had/have gfs, married and all that but I would never think they were not masculine in appearance or mannerism. They didn’t even identify as bi and they have only been with cisgender female mainly. One guy I hooked up with had me as his first trans woman experience. Anyway, maybe you shouldn’t say you’re bi unless there is something that you think makes it hard to hide? Sorry I have no idea how biguys feel like?
I would love to date a bi guy, but I don’t see them very often, and usually if I do they are REALLY immersed in the LGBTQ community and identity.
I think it’s better to be open about it. If you’re a straight guy you will connect with way more people, but you might miss out on the people who would like a queer guy.
Just be aware Reddit skews liberal politically, so the feedback you get might be from only half of the bell curve. The average woman might be less accepting than the voices you get here, and it sounds like that’s the case based on your experience.
I am a straight woman and I have a preference for only straight guys so I would want to know if the person was Bi, Pan, etc.
I’m a straight woman. Have no problem with how people choose to live their lives. But, it’s a no for me. Major swipe left. And I would feel upset if this wasn’t revealed up front if not on a profile. And when I say up front, I mean in the first interaction in the app while “getting to know” each other.
I’m a straight woman and just not interested in men who are attracted to men, sleep with men, etc. I support everyone’s right to live their own lifestyle and am open to being friends with anybody, but when it comes to who I am *dating* specifically, it isn’t something I could ever entertain. From what I know about my straight female friends, this is a common sentiment among a lot of straight women. I haven’t known any of my straight female friends to openly date a queer man.
ITT: a lot of bad regressive takes that are inextricably linked to homophobia and/or rigid gender norms around masculinity.
This thread is going to go down in flames and quickly.
context: I’m bi, nonbinary but I have a beard so people file me in the “dude” category
Be up front about your orientation. It’s the right thing to do — it’s an important part of who you are. It projects confidence. And, most important, it saves you the time and heartache involved in dealing with people who will reject you because of your orientation. There is zero value in going on first dates with nincompoops or people who will reject you when you come out to them.
I haven’t had trouble getting matches or dates. I live in a decent-sized city, which I’m sure helps. I get a lot of messages from men. I tend to get a lot of interest from queer women and enbies, and in fact my current and last partner are both bi enbies. I’ve dated straight women before. But I’m a lot more likely to click with queers, and it is easier for a host of reasons.
if it makes you feel better (??) I think it’s part of a larger issue where women & men are taught fairly consistently from childhood to see sexuality through the lens of a hetero man (edited for slightly better wording haha)
By that badly worded ish, what I mean is that we’re constantly bombarded by imagery of highly sexualized women that is meant to indicate heterosexuality. If you show a silhouette of a big boobed lady, everyone understands that symbol is essentially for men. They’ll assume it’s an ad for, say, a strip club (where women dance mostly for men).
Whereas the reverse just isn’t as true. Show a silhouette of a sexy man, and people will assume it’s a gay bar (m f m ) – because we just don’t use sexualized imagery of men to the same extent. So everyone is already more used to women being attracted to women, bc we’re all taught to see it as synonymous with human sexuality, almost.
And on top of that society has always viewed men as > women, at least subliminally, so society is always far more accepting of a woman “acting like a hetero man” (dating women) than a man “acting like a woman” (dating men). It’s not fair, but it’s pervasive.
As a straight woman, I usually swipe left on queer guys, and I’ll own that even if it means downvotes or whatever. It makes me uncomfortable to think about dating a semi-gay man. I can’t control how men think about dating bi women – obviously they’re more open to it – but if I can opt out, I do. I also tend to prefer more traditionally masculine men at this point in my life, so there’s no point in dating someone you can’t 100% accept/be a cheerleader for.
I’m a bi woman and I am happy to see bi men on OLD. I’m more likely to take a chance and engage with someone for a minute who is also queer because I feel I’m less likely to encounter biphobia and insecurity about non-Herero sexuality. I also feel more comfortable engaging with someone who I know has had to do a lot of thinking and unpacking of their own sexuality- of course many Hetero people have done that work as well, but it’s more of a given with the queerdos.
For most of my life, I’ve identified as straight, but I’d tell people I was a 1 on the Kinsey Scale, which means predominantly straight, incidentally gay. A few years ago I decided bi was a more accurate label. I still prefer women and haven’t actually done anything with a man. When I was a kid, we might describe someone like myself as bi-curious. Not that I’d knowingly want to date any of the women in this thread who are proudly proclaiming their bigotry, but it still gives me pause about being out.
Hetero cis woman here, just here to add more representation of women who dig bi/pan dudes! IMO it has nothing to do with gender identity and expression. That looks different for everyone regardless of sexual orientation. I just love dudes. And I love being with dudes who love women, which doesn’t mean women exclusively. Really sorry to hear you’re having trouble; as others have mentioned, you might be doing yourself a favor limiting your pool to more like/open-minded folks by putting it out there!
I’m a straight woman and I would not date a man who sleeps with men. I don’t think this preference is limited to straight women. Many lesbian women are not attracted to bi and pan women. Maybe a large number of women just don’t want partners who sleep with men.
I’m a bi man, I’ve been using dating apps on and off for about a decade, with some great successes.
I am out in my profile and see no reason not to be. If someone isn’t interested in bi men, I’m not interested in them, so why would I worry about turning them away? Since you’re worried about biphobic women in particular, let me be clear: in my experience, women who are anxious about things like this, in my experience, tend to be TERRIBLE partners with rigid, inflexible, and sometimes outright bizarre gendered expectations of men rooted in their own insecurity. Even the sex is bad by comparison. This is more common with straight women, but can come up with bi women too; internalized homophobia/biphobia can strike anywhere. You’re not narrowing the dating pool by losing their interest, you’re improving the quality of your results.
Bi woman here and just want to say that I get super excited to see anyone else who’s bi. I’ve felt most understood in relationships with other bi people specifically, as I’ve (as I’m sure you well know) experienced a lot of biphobia and fetishization. I do imagine men have it harder in that regard as the biphobia seems to skew worse in that direction, but I’m always excited to swipe right on a bi dude.
The biphobia in this thread is sad. My ex waited 8 months to come out to me as pan out of fear that this sort of reaction would be what he’d get. And I’m appalled that there is so much prejudice in these threads that reinforces that fear.
Being pan didn’t make him any less loving or intelligent or ambitious. Being pan didn’t suddenly turn him more effeminate or make him hyper sexual or more likely to cheat. Being pan had nothing to do with the love he offered me.
If any woman here is dating a man and their coming out would change the way you see them and the attributes you assign to them—that’s far more a reflection of your prejudices and maybe you’re more homophobic than you think you are.
Also for many of the people who are like “all the bi guys are so obviously queer” maybe the “hetero” looking ones are just more afraid to come out because of people like you.
I’m a bi woman and I’d consider it a plus when matching. A bi guy would be more likely to have shed all that toxic masculinity nonsense. Also the confidence and self actualization is really attractive to me. When I’m dating I generally want to try spearfishing a compatible partner rather than casting the widest net possible (though I understand such things differ between the genders) and I don’t think you’re losing anything by allowing homophobic straight women to filter themselves.
What I don’t understand is all the straight women who don’t want to date bi dudes. They happy to suck a dick but when their man does it its degrading/disgusting? Ok lol. Looking at these responses, I have never been more glad to not have to date straight women. I wish all bi brothers good luck out there.
I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that in general, straight women are less likely to want to date a bi man. Though for some, I’m sure it would be a plus. In my experience, I have often mentioned in profiles that I’m bi, but since I lean more towards men and prefer to date men exclusively, I can’t really speak towards women. I’m not sure I’ve seen a noticeable difference as far as men go. If anything, being out as trans is what nets me less interest. Though I still get a decent amount of interest, I’d say. I’ve made profiles where I said I was bi, ones where I didn’t, ones where I said I was trans, ones where I didn’t… but I can’t tell for sure if any which way got me better results. Maybe men are just easier. In my opinion, I wouldn’t want to date someone who has a problem with that anyways, so I’d be out regardless of whether it affected the number of matches I get. It’s true, it might seem easier if you hide it at first, but it just causes bigger disappointment in the long run, and wasted time.
As a bi POC guy, it’s always been unclear to me why most people would rightfully agree that a man who refuses to date women who have dated black men in the past is fucked up in the head and needs therapy, but a woman who refuses to date men who have dated the same men in the past is just exercising her preference and has no reason to engage in any self reflection.
That said, she’s doing me a favor by removing me from her dating pool. I almost exclusively date bi girls nowadays who don’t have weird homophobic hangups, though I’d be more than happy to date a straight woman who didn’t have homophobic attitudes.
I learned that lots of heterosexual women are pretty homophobic, and I live in a country that is among the most advanced in the world regarding LGTB rights.
One woman even told me out of nowhere (before I told her I was bi) that she hooked up with a guy and after the deed, he (making small talks) told her he was bi, and she told me “Well, he could say to me before f*cking, gross.” And I was like “Thank you for being openly homophobic, now I proceed to tell you I’m bi before meeting so you can go away” and then she tried to convince me that she wasn’t and was very into me bla bla
A lot of women say that “is gross” but then they get defensive when you tell them they’re homophobic.
I prefer to date bi people. I got good experiences with bi people. And being gender fluid, dating a bi person is like another layer of reassurance, and bi people (not all of them) tend to be more aware of gender theory and sexuality.
I’m a bi woman, and I definitely see it as a plus – generally, I assume bi/pan/queer men will likely be more understanding and accepting of my sexuality, while many straight men I’ve dated have…not. I don’t automatically swipe right on every bi man I see on dating apps but if I think their photos are cute and their bio is promising it’s a definite “plus” for me.
Just do what many of the exes of the anti-bi women here have done: don’t say anything about your sexuality, get a match, date her, and it won’t have an effect on her life at all. Everyone wins. /s
I dated a bi guy I met on tinder for nearly a year. He was not out on his profile and “came out” to me a couple months in. We were talking about fantasies and it came up naturally. He said he was sexually attracted to men and always wanted to try being a bottom. I was super onboard and made us a fetlife profile, but he kept putting it off. Ultimately, he admitted he was afraid to try because he was “afraid I’d find out I’m actually gay.” The biphobia was so real he’d internalized it.
For me, a guy with “bi” in his profile will make me more inclined to swipe right on him. Instead of outing yourself, maybe look for women who also identity as bi/queer/pan. Also, you can ask a woman whether she prefers traditional male/female gender roles and whether she’s sexually adventurous. During pillow talk, ask her if she’s ever considered being with another woman, having a threesome, having anal, or having sex outside and she says no to all the above, she probably won’t like that you’re bi. I hate to stereotype, but look for us artsy types. I will also say that a way to get around the bi stigma is just to call yourself queer. It’s more inclusive and doesn’t get as much hate from the gay community.
The post isn’t directed toward me as I’m a hetero woman, so I won’t comment on the post. Reading through this thread and seeing a handful users arguing, making accusations, and being generally antagonistic toward people who said they wouldn’t want to swipe right/date is probably not helping.
I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise that such a huge number of straight women are bigots when it comes to dating, considering how few are willing to even consider dating someone of a different race, but it’s still disappointing.
TBH most heterosexual women find bi guys a turnoff.
Have two profiles on different sites. One heterosexual for women and one gay for men.
Then you will get more matches.
I think a lot of people have too many insecurities around bisexuals.It’s a lot of competition if the person is attractive or a bit average compared to straight people or people who are monogamous.People assume bisexuals are automatically polyamorous or they can’t fulfill their partners. From my experience dating mostly bisexuals they all met those stereotypes and swipe left now because a lot are a waste of time not all but a lot if you’re looking for monogamy.
Man, I’m a lesbian and even I don’t think it’s wrong for straight women to want a male that is straight. I don’t think it’s homophobia to not want to date someone who is attracted to the same sex. This whole thread is full of a bunch of “woke” people.
Straight women need to move along and stop posting their biphobic garbage takes. This thread isnt for you.