Im (f30) having an extremely hard time with my partner (m27) and don’t know if this is part of being in a relationship or this is just not worth it

My partner and I have been in an international long distance for about a year. We would visit each other and when I visit him, he is on vacation mode because we stay on hotels, so it’s usually fun and casual. When he visits me, he stays at my place and it’s usually imbued with reality (I have work, take care of my family, all the chores, all the planning, etc) so it’s not as fun and usually filled with fights.

He decided to stay with me for three months after I told him I cannot handle long distance anymore. I told him, before I even consider marrying him, I need to know what living with him feels like because my last experience with him was filled with fights. He finds this offensive but still, reluctantly, came. Back at home he lives with his family and doesn’t pay rent or own much furniture, this is relevant because if I went to him I would have a lot more to lose (I have mt own place and over 10k of furniture). He didn’t like his job, I have a booming career. Also, I have family obligations I need to attend to, so it made sense he would come here. He had no plan. He had no clue what he would really do once he gets here. When he came, I just moved to a new apartment and I thought that would be good because we would have a fresh start. It has been nothing but constant arguments. We have not had even one happy full day.

In the beginning, our arguments were targeted around the fact that I just need more help from him. When I would say that, instead of understanding where I’m coming from, he would take it extremely personal and treated as an attack. The truth is, I almost did everything with just some of his help. What he would help me with, I do appreciate, however I just anticipated something different and they made sure to communicate that to him acknowledging that perhaps that is my fault. It has been a month, and he only now considered to start looking for a job. He insists it’s because we keep fighting, but I say that we can only potentially get better if he contributes in any kind of way. I told him I did not care if it was financial related, as long as there was any way of contribution. He would consistently find that offensive instead of understanding my feedback. It would only stressed me out because I felt very on my own with the amount of responsibilities on my plate now taking care of both of us in every way, chores and finances. He would wash the dishes and clear the living room, and feel he did his part. Mind you, we moved into a completely new apartment and so that meant everything needed to be unpacked and neatly put away.

Besides the fighting, I often feel he truly does not understand me until the point of when I start crying and he calms down, then he starts to understand because he finally chooses to listen. His defenses are often very high up, and it causes me to
Just be unhappy and therefore acting ugly ways such as yelling and having attitude.

I tried today to have a full day of fun, and planned a pretty expensive date for the evening. I didn’t care about the money as much as the fact that I just wanted to be purely fun, and guess what, we continuously bickered. The end it was so bad that I am now considering sleeping in a separate room. It’s important to mention that I am divorced twice, and have lived on my own for almost 2 years now, and so it just feels to me that it’s so much easier to just be on my own. But I also don’t wanna be that person who always gives up when it gets too hard.