TLDR : Me (M22) and my partner (F22) have been in a constant push-pull due to our attachment styles and want to work things out.

I (22M) and my partner (22F) have been dating for 1 year now and have known each other for 4 years.
My partner just moved to a different city to study masters in business administration and this is the first time she’s moving out of her home because her bachelors college was in her hometown and due to covid she didn’t get to move out much.
I find myself to be more inclined towards an anxious attachment style but I feel with a little effort I can come to be a secure person. But my girlfriend on the other hand is an avoidant.
Ever since she’s moved to the city, she’s gotten very busy. Her communication is less than what it was before and she asked for space to cope up with her hectic schedule.
All this set us up in a push-pull pact and its been very challenging for us ever since with me crying and missing her and wanting her to not ignore me and message me. Whereas she wants her space and distance so that she can focus on herself more. She consoles and listens to me whenever I cry and I tell her that I miss her and she reassures me that she’s there for me but the next day she’ll trigger something and set my anxiety on track. (Like ignoring my messages, not giving me much time of her schedule, not communicating with me properly, not telling me about her plans and basically leaving me there feeling all alone).

Its been even tough since we’re in LDR and i just met her back in mid July just when her college started.
We talked about our attachment styles and understood the push-pull effect that was happening.
She is willing to change and I sent her some articles to read too. We both want this relationship to work. Someone in a similar situation who got out of it can maybe help us to get a better insight and send some articles to understand and change to a more secure attachment style.

1 comment
  1. My advice is to leave and date someone that is secure. Dating an avoidant usually end up in pain.

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