Edit typo in title should read am I making a mistake.
TL/dr: I caught bf messaging other girls and after talking it out I choose to stay with him. Am I making a huge mistake?
I’m a 21f dating a 27m for the past 2 years. I had asked him previously if he was or had ever talked to other girls and he told me no. 2 days ago I found several messages on insta and fb showing he has. He wasn’t “talking” to them per say but he was complimenting girls, hitting on them, and on one it looks like setting up a time with a sex worker.
We talked about it for a long time and I decided to stay with him. He said he knows he did wrong and he thinks he just has an issue learning to commit and is willing to work on himself. He let me watch him block all the girls and remove girls from his snap but I’m still really worried I’m making the wrong choice here.
I really love him and I want to stay together but I’m worried he’ll do it again.
Should I leave him?
6 comments
Look, things have to be fair and honest in a relationship.
Obviously he wasn’t to you. And that lie came out.
Now you have only two options:
A. You forgive him.B. You move on.
These two options are not to be taken lightly.
When you forgive someone, you also have to realize that you’re going to have to risk it all again and put your faith and trust in that same person. Which isn’t as easy.
If you only pretend to mean it while your gut is telling you you can’t trust him anymore, then you’re fooling him and yourself by staying.
And you might act out of line to keep him in check or prevent him from lying or hiding more things; including snooping around on his phone, or computer, or checking wherever he goes.
If you can’t trust him, then don’t. You’ll just step into a toxic relationship at that point. That isn’t good for either of you.
He cheated on you emotionally, and it’s okay to call it a dealbreaker in a relationship.
If you do plan to continue this however, you are going to have to make a big sacrifice and really give him a chance.
>I’m a 21f dating a 27m for the past 2 years.
That age gap… esh… that’s a red flag in and of itself why doesn’t he date somone his own age?
Anyway…
>He said he knows he did wrong and he thinks he just has an issue learning to commit
This isn’t a commitment issue… a commitment issue is him not being ready to date or propose…
This is a trust and respect issue… he lied to your face…
Right now you need to decide if you can trust him again… personally I would walk away and find someone else who doesn’t have these issues who is almost 30… he is a grown adult and knows right from wrong and he chose wrong what’s to say he won’t do it again but be more careful next time?
I suggest reading post at SurvivingInfidelity com you will learn things like trickle truth, pattern of a cheater. This place will give you insight on how cheaters work. It’s an eye opener.
From experience definitely run. Specifically considering the age gap if you were 19 and he was 25, something isn’t right with him. and, setting up a time with a sex worker?? Please RUN
Not only was he hitting on other chicks he was trying to set a time with a hooker…??? Not only does he not care about your relationship he doesnt care about your health either! Please PLEASE get tested! He told you straight up that he has commitment issues. It is time to move on, it is very hard for people with commitment issues to change and most often dont.. Im sorry but imo you are making a mistake.
Yes.
But… listen to this first:
https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/cheating-death-sex-money
Then do what’s right for you.