I (19m) am currently confused on what to do and how to do things, my gf (18f) has just recently started to talk and hangout with her ex again, and although she gives me the bare minimum reassurance, I trust her to not cheat but yet every time they hangout I just feel a type of way, and when I would tell her how I would feel she would end up getting mad at me,
Today was the cherry on top of the ice cream, she goes out and does shrooms with him, texting me here and there, until a couple hours later she calls saying she’s having a bad trip, I asked if she wanted me to pick her up, which she replied with yes please, so now I take a two hour trip to pick her up, and while I’m omw to get her she calls her family saying she’s having a bad trip and might do something dumb(ending her life), now her family also pulls up and get there before me, which then causes them to see her with her ex both badly tripped out; I was ok with just me knowing about this but now everyone knows and everyone is looking at me like I’m a fool for letting them hangout… idk what to do, can anyone help?
5 comments
You don’t “let” your gf do things. She is a person with agency. If you’re uncomfortable with her doing drugs with her ex, talk about that. If you’re uncomfortable with her hanging out with him because you don’t trust her, figure out whether that’s because she’s fundamentally untrustworthy or because you’re insecure. If she’s not trustworthy, walk away. If you’re the issue, work on yourself, whether through therapy or other methods.
Okay wait. You are not a fool. You don’t let your girlfriend do anything- she’s an adult human. You can ask her to not spend time with her ex but you can’t force her to not see him.
Now, she’s obviously very attached to her ex and it’s not fair to your feelings. She’s being intentionally inconsiderate and then gets upset with you when you try to discuss it. That’s not the actions of a loving girlfriend
You’re not a fool. She made choices—bad ones—and she paid the consequences. That’s it. You had nothing to do with any of this.
As for her ex, plenty of people stay friends with exes ad it’s nothing more than friendship—a lot of relationships end because people realize they suck as romantic partners but they’re great as friends.
But if this ex is someone who brings out your GF’s self-destructive tendencies or someone she tends to make bad choices with, then that’s an issue of its own. If she had a female friend who was not an ex but every time they hand out they wind up drunk and in jail that would be a bad choice too.
Her family is probably not thinking anything about you—it’s pretty clear she decided this on her own and you drove two hours to get her. That makes you the good guy in this scenario.
You are not a fool.
That said, staying with this “gf” (is she yours?) might be considered foolish if things do not change. You need to decide the boundaries and make decisions if they are crossed.
I think you can let this one go.