how do you connect/grab someone interest on dating apps?

4 comments

1. As a man, be attractive. Literally nothing else matters 99% of the time

2. At this point I don’t bother

   If they aren’t interested enough in me to send a message first, nothing I do will change that

3. Self-deprecating humor with confidence and being genuine. Yeah, it’s true that looks matter to a certain extent, but might as well give yourself the best possible chances if looks aren’t your strong suit.

4. Mirroring.

   See, we men make the mistake of thinking that *we’re* the product that’s being advertised. We’re not.

   What your dating profile should be doing is stirring her emotions. You don’t want her thinking, “Wow, he’s cute.” You want her thinking, “Damn, he does cool fun stuff. I’d love to be doing that same cool/fun stuff too!” You’re not the product, your lifestyle is. You’re just the cost of admission.

   So to that end, you need to take a decently sized sample of what the women in your area are posting, then tailor your profile to appeal to that. For example, I used to live in a big city, and most of my pictures were me doing stuff I enjoy. Fishing, biking, sailing, etc. But I wasn’t getting matches, because the women’s profiles in the city were always: them at a cultural or arts thing, them at a concert, them at a red carpet event thing, them at a fancy restaurant. The lifestyle they were looking for was not one I was advertising.

   So I scrapped my profile, and changed it up to mirror what they were posting. Instead of me on a boat, it was me at the helm of the boat, or a picture from another boat – make the women think I own one (I just had access to it), and get them imagining how much fun it would be to be in their bikini, on the bow, taking shots for the Gram. Then there was one of me, well-dressed, in a suit, at a local museum’s Friday night event – I got them thinking how much fun it would be to have a date to go to that event. And instead of a picture of me fishing, I took a picture of me at a friend’s cottage, in a canoe, enjoying the relaxation – make them go, “Oh my god! That looks so fun! I wanna go!” And then I just posed the ol’ ‘top third head-shot with a smile’ in a nice suit jacket and shirt as my main photo.

   My matches changed overnight, and I didn’t really have to fake anything. All I needed to do was consider the audience when I was taking pictures of the thing I was doing, and frame it in such a way as to make her go, “I want a date to do that with!”

   Once you crack the code of mirroring your profile to the lifestyle women are advertising, getting matches is not terribly complicated.