Hi, married 2 years now, mom of 3…
Am I weird for not wanting my husband to watch or buy porn? He’s older (27) I’m 22 and my sex drive is still off the roof but IM STRUGGLING to get off. It’s a problem. He is the only one/thing that I can fully orgasm with or anything at all anymore!
I saw he paid to watch porn basically and I just threw the biggest fit (to myself) I brought it up calmly to him that it bothers me and he got really mad at me but I expressed that (yes we both watch porn and im fine with it but paying for it’s another thing.) I also got upset that he literally hasn’t touched me in almost a month and when he wants to do it he’s never fully there (I can tell). He told me im overreacting and then he tries to hurt my feelings saying im young and he just wants to do it himself and im to much work that he doesn’t have time for it. Then last night he finally made and move and stopped mid way and said ok ima go work out and didn’t even try to initiate it afterwords and just showered/sleep.
I don’t take long either just fyi I just feel like he’s distant from me and I have no idea why. He does everything else fine and normal but lately he hasn’t wanted it. And as a mom I just feel alone and touched out. We still do date night and things but whenever it comes down to it he’s like not about it anymore… any ideas??? Even like our normal fun we have like foreplay, role play, sometimes bdsm stuff like nothing literally !.
4 comments
youre not weird omg! im sorry u deserve better
Your not weird at all. I would be bothered if my bf was paying for porn, especially if it was a subscription to a particular person. That’s a personal boundary of mine though. Porn ok, camgirls nope.
Porn occasionally isn’t really a problem, but it’s a huge problem when it’s affecting your sex life. The fact that he has a wife sitting there wanting sex and is turning to masturbation/porn consistently is a red flag. Although often when this happens there’s something else going on that’s bothering the person, which would account for the distance as well. You guys need to sit down and have an adult conversation about it, if he can even do that without getting defensive.
Him saying that your too much work?? Gtfo. He sounds lazy and selfish.
I think that watching porn isn’t the main issue. First of all, I do not think you’re weird — I think you and your husband need to have an open, honest, blunt conversation about your sex life. It may help you physically to see a pelvic floor physical therapist — having kids can fuck with your sexual function, and pelvic floor physical therapy can really help!! Ask your gyno for a referral! Regardless of that, though, you both need to be honest with each other about your needs and desires as far as sex go. What do you want that you aren’t getting, what does he want that he isn’t getting, AND what do you both enjoy doing together? In my opinion there’s nothing wrong with watching porn — sometimes your libidos aren’t libidoing at the same time and that’s totally okay! I don’t think it’s productive for you to get mad about his porn consumption, BUT considering the situation I can 100% understand why you did initially get upset. But porn is something you’ll both have to agree on or find a middle ground.
Good luck!!
The porn is fine. Possible subs to specific people may cross the line for some.
As everyone is pointing to, communication is the problem. Theres some lack of it being filled by theory of mind, which is at best, particularly right, sometimes.
This sounds like a big change has happened. Either his perspective of you after the baby, depression, or some other underlying issue. Please see previous paragraph regarding that.