so my husband and i both strugglenwith depression. also, my husband is an alcoholic, workaholic, and a porn addict. we never used to have any problems when it came to the bedroom, but now that his depression has come back and he has a lot of work stress, it seems like he would rather watch porn and look at models on the chive than he would to have the real thing. he says it’s his depression and he feels like he doesn’t deserve the real thing and that him watching porn or looking at women on the internet has nothing to do with me. i want to believe him and i don’t know what a man’s perspective is. but from where i’m standing, it kinda seems like these broads are getting more of his sexual attention than i am these days so it’s kinda hard to not take it personally. also, for more context, i’m 32 and he’s 35 and we’ve been married for 9 months and together 12 years, no kids, 2 dogs
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also, i’m the one that initiates most of the time and usually (if not always) it’s me getting him off. but i had a quite terrible experience last time i initiated which ended in me feeling rejected and insecure
Engage a marriage counselor. They will probably recommend dealing with the depression first. Not much can change if he is clinically diagnosed with depression and not being treated.
There is a sub that has a great resource library for both you and your husband called r/loveafterporn. Porn addiction can cause depression. Not sure where you are located but there are 12 step programs available for both you and your husband. Porn addiction falls under the sex addiction programs.
If you decide to do therapy please chose one that is a Certified Sex Addiction trained therapist (CSAT). It makes a world of difference. We were seeing a therapist that said he could help us with the porn addiction but come to find out he gave us bad advice once we got with a CSAT therapist. It’s like those months with that first counselor was almost a waste of money now that I see what advice I’m getting from my current CSAT.