I really want to get back with my ex. I strongly believe that he still has feelings for me, but since this is his very first relationship and experience with love, he doesn’t really know what to do or say.

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We had been dating for about two months, but shortly after I moved back to college out of state, I (stupidly) decided to end things as I was stressed out about school. It was very painful for him, as if it was very clear to me that he loved me a lot. He said it would take him a long time to forget about me, etc. About two months after that, we decided to reconnect and talk as something more than friends and wanted to see where things went (hoping to get back together once I returned home for the summer). However, shortly before I was going to come back, he ghosted me. He stopped responding to my texts. It was especially hard because we were coworkers, and I went back to work at the same place for the summer, so I would work with him as he ignored me. I eventually messaged him a few more times trying to understand why he cut me off with no explanation, but still no response from him. I ultimately called him, and he basically told me that he didn’t want to be on “stand-by,” and was tired of worrying about how I felt about things–he didn’t tell me any of this before because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I’m assuming that I didn’t express as much interest in getting back together as I should have right before I came back and wasn’t as available as I should have been to him.

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I haven’t seen him ever since that call (last month). I got randomly scheduled to work with him next week (we intentionally don’t get scheduled together). I really think we should talk in-person, but he told me after the call that things are over, that we are done, and to not contact him in any way, as he feels uncomfortable with me reaching out. I want to respect his boundaries, but as I mentioned earlier, I’m convinced he still has feelings for me and just doesn’t have past experience to draw upon for dealing with this sort of stuff. (He’s one of those timid, sensitive, and socially awkward kind of guys.) What should I do???? I know he’s my person, and I took him for granted. Please help.

Edit: Also wanted to add that, during the call, I told him how much I regretted things and that I made a mistake, but I never asked if he still had feelings for me.

TL;DR, I took ex for granted, I want to get back together, but he is ghosting/ignoring me.

5 comments

  1. He’s not “your person,” you only dated for two months, you barley know him.

    He also told you to leave him alone and you have repeatedly harassed him even though he did not respond and you are still continuing to violate his boundaries by drying to force him to talk to you even after he told you to not contact him in any way.

    Stop stalking this man.

  2. Just because you want to get back together does not mean HE wants to get back together.

    Look at it from his point of view. You broke up with him when you went to college out of state, not because there was a problem in the relationship but because you were “stressed out about school”. You didn’t talk to him about it, you didn’t see if there was a way you could make it work long distance, you just ended it.

    Then, you’re coming back for your summer break and want to make things work again. Except, how is he to know if he’s a summer fling or if you’re actually serious this time? And he wouldn’t know until you went back to school again. He looked at his options and decided that it wasn’t worth the risk of being hurt as deeply as he was the first time and chose to not have a relationship with you anymore.

    He’s made up his mind. It’s time to leave him alone. You’ve hurt him enough.

  3. I want to respect his boundaries but..

    He told you he doesn’t want you to contact him. He does not want to be with you. You should leave him alone.

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