We met a couple of months back in uni (we’ve been dating for 5 months), and we immediately hit it off, when I started dating her I also got to meet a couple of her friends, but the main focus is this guy, who for the sake of anonymity let’s call him “Chad”, Chad and she are best friends, and I was totally fine with this, I liked him, he liked me, we all hung out with mutual friends, etc.
After about a month or two of dating, Me and my girlfriend started asking each other the typical questions, past relationships, etc, also what we are looking for in each other, and much more; Eventually, she tells me about this situation with “Chad”, who, to add more context, is very emotionally abusive, and will manipulate people to get what he wants; In her past, she dated him for a couple of months, at this point, I obviously felt insecure, but it wasn’t an issue just yet, we kept on talking and talking about it, and she eventually told me, that one time, “Chad” very nearly “harassed” her, and at this point, well, jackass right?
She eventually forgave him, and they kept on going just as friends, then, she started dating me;
At first, I didn’t think much about it, but as the days have gone by, it’s honestly been making me feel more and more insecure, how can she forgive someone who did all that? The way they just kept on hanging out, honestly makes me feel sick to a certain extent, almost like she is turning a blind eye to the whole situation; she is aware that she struggles with setting limits, and it’s honestly such a pain for me (not blaming her), it constantly makes me feel worried, and I’m always on edge whenever she goes out, I obviously never act out on these thoughts and keep them at just that, thoughts, but every here and there it does affect my mood and she notices.
Today for example, as soon as I got to school, she texts me saying, “I’m going out with Chad later”, to this, I told her, once again, “alright, he honestly makes me really uncomfortable so if you feel I’m a little weird today that’s the reason why” and shes been hanging out with him for the whole day, and (my fault I know) it can honestly go as far as to ruin most of my day.
I’d be fine with a best friend, male or female, I don’t care, but someone who nearly (or might have and I’m not aware of) “harassed” her? That just makes me uncomfortable, what should I do if I’ve communicated this on more than one occasion and I feel like she’s done nothing about it? (I understand it’s not her responsibility to do something about it, but as we all know, it’d be greatly appreciated).
TL;DR: This “friend” of hers makes me really uncomfortable and I don’t know how to deal with the situation.
1 comment
I wouldn’t be comfortable with my gf going out alone with her ex, let alone hang out all day, AND let alone one that “harassed” her. I’m of the mindset that people in relationships shouldn’t knowingly and willingly do things that makes their SO uncomfortable just for the simple fact that they should care about their SO feelings and therefore wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt them. What did she say to the text where you said you were uncomfortable?