I (25F) have dated some wonderful guys in my past where the early stages of dating were easy and eventually led to a relationship. What made them easy? There was MUTUAL interest/effort and NO ROOM for feeling confused!
We took the time to see each other in person, text, and phone call. If one of us was busy, we would let the other person know. Easy.
Because of this history, I know the signs of someone who is NOT interested. Also because I have done these things myself when I was iffy about someone or just not feeling it (but willing to see where things go).
I am seeing a guy (27M) who is clearly showing signs of not being interested. For instance, taking 12+ hours to respond to my text messages (consistently) even when I know they aren’t busy. Not taking initiative (not contributing to any date ideas, not asking me how my day went, not asking when I’m free next). I have to plan everything!
I started to feel quite anxious and confused – feelings I previously have rarely felt in dating because I was used to someone actually being interested in me. I now realize it’s time to cut this person off because the way I’m feeling (insecure/anxious/confused) is unhealthy and not how I want to feel in the beginning stages.
The early stages of dating SHOULD be easy because the effort of both of you is obvious. If you have seen this person 5+ times and you feel confused, that they are not putting in effort, or that communication is minimal – please bring it up to them. If they do not change their behavior? Simple. They are not interested enough in you.
We all deserve to date someone who is as enthusiastic about seeing us as we are them! Yes, we all get busy in our lives, but when you truly like someone, you will make time for them because you want to make it work 🙂
EDIT: If you are seeing each other 2x a week or more in person, frequent communication over phone is NOT necessary since the in person is keeping the momentum going. I’m talking about if you see each other only 1x a week or less 🙂
5 comments
It *can* show interest, but not always. We all have our preferences and needs, and for you it seems to be regular contact via any available method. Other people are less interested in that sort of communication, finding it intrusive. It’s important not apply your personal experience as a standard truth, cause that’s where harmful social beliefs come from.
If I’m busy, I don’t like texting. It stresses me out and anyone demanding I reply or being impatient will rapidly lose my interest.
Agreed. Genuine reciprocation can work wonders.
So no one’s ever interested in me got it
This post really resonates with me. I’m experiencing exactly this right now with someone I’m seeing. I spoke to her about it in order to see if we’re on the same page, and she said she’s just very busy for the next 2 months (true) and tries to stay off her phone as much as she can. She did agree to be exclusive, but she’s not really in the headspace for something meaningful it seems like. Just something fun and casual.
We have incredible dates in person, but during the week we barely communicate which is not ideal when trying to build on a connection.
Not sure if I’m ready to cut this one loose yet because she’s both beautiful and intelligent, but I have real doubts about this.
Just because someone takes 12 hours to get back to you, doesn’t mean they’re not interested. No offense, but even if they’re not busy, maybe they don’t want to text you back right then and there. People need space.
Also, just because the initial period of dating isn’t easy, doesn’t mean there’s no mutual interest. I had a guy tell me he thought I wasn’t interested simply because we didn’t see one another every single day (after knowing one another for less than a week) – and I really liked this guy. But it’s unreasonable to expect someone to see you every single day when you haven’t even been dating a week. I had pre-existing plans made weeks before we even met.
I wish you the best, but IMHO you come across as a bit clingy.