This is actually my first relationship. Never dated before due to life circumstances.
Overall my boyfriend treats me well. He isn’t controlling or manipulative. I grew up in a really messed up childhood and experienced a lot of emotional abuse. I have a very rocky family history. I was also bullied a lot growing up or shunned because I visibly came from a neglected upbringing.
As older adults I have family members who have dated people who walk away as soon as they learn about how dysfunctional our home life is. It’s not something we can hide from people we date. I have had people walk away from me when they realize that I don’t really have a big family or community like other people do. I guess this is something that is generally important to people from south Asian backgrounds. So I kind of feel like finding someone who knows all of that about me and doesn’t make me feel bad about it is rare.
1. However, I don’t feel like he really comforts me at all when I tell him I’m sad or struggling with my depression. Something traumatic happened to me recently and his reaction was very little. When I talk to him about it his responses are usually “I see” or very vague. And it’s supposedly because he doesn’t know what to say.
2. We never seem to have conversations outside of surface level things that we mutually like.
3. I don’t have my life completely put together and figured out and I have struggled a lot with my mental health and getting on my two feet. But I kind of feel like my bf is just choosing to stay stagnant. Like he lives at home but seems to be in bad debt even though I don’t understand how since he doesn’t have to pay rent. He also doesn’t have student loans. I feel as though conversation about the future is generally empty. I’m not sure if he is even trying to better his financial situation. His attitude seems to be well the economy sucks anyway. It does but I personally don’t think it’s wise to just give up.
I feel like this post is all over the place.
I don’t know how to bring up a conversation with him to really get important things out because he kind of seems to shut down and says he’s not good at these kinds of conversations.
Neither am I but I almost feel like he just doesn’t even try.
Like he was supposed to be finishing a course that will advance his career but it seems like he just dropped out even though he says he’s eventually going to complete it. I have tried to bring it up without being pushy and he responds with very little back.
I don’t know how I feel about anything.
1 comment
Is there a chance he’s suffering from depression too? That could explain why he’s not motivated in life, and it could also explain why he’s mostly unresponsive to your mental health issues: because he has his own he hasn’t dealt with and doesn’t talk about.
If that doesn’t check out, then maybe you two just aren’t compatible on the things that matter. And that’s okay, everyone is entitled to their way of life without having to conform and change for somebody else. That also doesn’t mean that you two have to stay together. You seek out somebody you’re more compatible with.