How do I build my personality?

39 comments

1. I love you!

2. Damn when did I write this?

3. Make sure you take pride in your appearance and trust yourself more than anyone else. Then don’t think just aim to relax and have fun in a social setting change the goal from worrying(thinking) to being present and doing nothing but trying to have fun. Start working out to feel good, if you don’t have a gym membership start at home by doing a 30 minute run everyday then some push-ups and sit-ups and squats. Being confident is all about trusting yourself, go into social settings with the knowledge that whatever happens you’re gonna be fine. Stop overthinking pay attention to what you’re doing and when you’re worrying make the effort to switch to being present and resolve those inner conflicts by doing something instead of thinking.

4. It sounds like you’re depressed, definitely get help.

   You don’t have to be a 10 to take pride in the way you look, you don’t even have to be a 6 or a 4. Just be you. Make some time to take care of yourself first thing in the morning after you make your bed. Shower, shave, brush and floss your teeth, put on clean clothes, brush your hair, go get it cut if you need to but make an effort to put your best self forward. It begins first thing in the morning every day.

   Nothing will change in your life if you don’t make it happen, alter your routine. Start now and continue first thing next morning. It’s on you to make the difference you want in your life.

   Take some time to read a self help book if you can’t see a therapist, make time if you need to. You don’t have to sit and read the whole thing at once, a few pages while you eat lunch, on the toilet, whatever. Read instead of scrolling reddit.

5. Don’t be so harsh on yourself…please?

   :< i swear your biggest priority rn should be changing the way you look at yourselves because we see so many faults in our selves its difficult to get started doing even one thing)

   Start with self-affirmations. Your brain always takes notes when you compare yourself with others and this creates a vicious cycle.

   One thing that helped me *sometimes* was asking myself, when i think i am too late to do something-> do i wanna be 30 **and still** not be good at XYZ? or do i wanna try to learn it now (your answer may not always be a yes and so don’t pressure yourself too much about that)

   oh and – studies show your physiology and psychology are connected strongly, so take better care of yourself – be it skin care or exercise or learning to play an instrument

   but the most important advice i can give right now is that you should talk to a doctor and try **group therapy** (look up online about it, its basically going to help you with socializing by making you talk to other people in a group [duh])

   take care <3

6. >6) I am not physically fit

   Regardless of what your personality is or ends up being, staying healthy should be a top goal for anyone. So you can start there.
   Watch some youtube videos on how to stretch, and go for a run. If you don’t like running, watch some videos on push up forms, or other exercises and do that.

7. I am almost 25: You’re still incredibly young and have so much time to make yourself into the best version you want to see within yourself. Best time to start was 10 years ago. Next best is now!

   I suck socially: First step to getting better is knowing your weaknesses and owning them. WHich you’re clearly doing so great work thus far. Who cares if you’re awkward…everyone is and others are better at hiding how awkward they feel and all that can be done by practice. Social skills are like anything else in this world, you get better with more practice and its okay to not be good at it. People suck at many other things too they wish they could magically be better at! Take your time, celebrate small wins no matter how small, and be kind to yourself in those situations.

   I don’t have topics to talk to people: You gotta get out there and just see and do more. whatever that may be..it can be ANYTHING. You’ll find as you continue to do and see more and meet more people you’ll gradually have more things to talk about and relate to with other people. The first step though honestly.. get out there. easier said than done but its doable!

   I think way too much on how I am being perceived: So many people have this problem and that’s okay. The best thing you can do is realize it and continue practice getting out of habit of thinking that way. Any time you catch yourself in your own head diving too deeply into “holy crap what will they think of me.. etc” take it as a cue and do your best to derail that thought into literally anything else. insanely hard and easier said than done but with enough practice it’ll be like clock work.

   People try to avoid me: Don’t take things like that personal. Even if you’re the ripest orange on the farm, some people just fucking hate oranges. Most times its not because of you they avoid you but it’s them. Gotta learn to move on from situations such as that.. it took me a while too and I still have a hard time with rejection but im getting better! Just gotta keep reminding myself it’s not personal

   I am not physically fit: Get started! NO matter how small, 1 time a week, then increasing to 2, etc… start somewhere! You can even start with small walks everyday since the weather is getting better.

   I am always under confident: Confidence isn’t the ability to be good at everything in front of people. Confidence is knowing you’re not the best at something or you’re entirely new but you’re not scared to jump in, look a little foolish but ultimately learn and have fun. Try not to take things too seriously because thats when we put undue pressure on ourselves and get self-conscious. Enjoy the journey of life.

   I say which should not be said: Keep tabs on that. The fact you’re aware of it now means you’re probably better than you were when you first realized this. Keep working at it and you’ll get there. Noones is perfect.. I say dumb shit all the time.

   I feel attacked in a social setting: again, more practice. Ask yourself “is this personal, does it have any real impact on who I am.. is this a fight worth fighting..etc”

   I don’t have any friends: You gotta start going out and doing more things with more people. You’ll more likely find people you can vibe with. Trying to meet people once or twice and no having ti work out does not mean you’re bad socially lol, it takes time to find people to regularly hang with especially as you get older. Hard to get into an already established set of friends so don’t take it personal if people don’t consider you all the time for things when hanging out.

   I am crying inside all the time: We all are to an extent.. lol it’s okay though. Be kind to yourself and keep pushing.

   I don’t have a girlfriend: get out and meet more people! you’re going to find someone evnetually.

   I am trying to get into therapy: Great idea! Self improvement is amazing and i’ve only heard good things when people seek a therapist. I am also seeking one for myself but I struggle with making a final decision because I don’t know who to trust lol.

   I am trying to read books: Another great idea, amazing mental exercise for you.

   I crave validation: we all do to an extent, therapy will certainly help you find a healthier balance between seeking validation from others and finally understanding that being validated to yourself is far more important.

   I am suffering a lot: reach out and talk to people man, you don’t have to struggle alone.

   I think I am not good enough: Please let this be the last time you ever type this out. What we say in our minds will eventually manifest itself. Tell yourself everyday you’re good enough and that you’re confident that no matter what type of shit happens throughout the day, you’re going to make it through it like you have the last X years and you’re going to come out on top. You’re always worth it.

   I am needy: definitely something to work on with a therapist! Acknowledging you have an issue is a great first start though. Give yourself a pat on the back.

   I procrastinate: You are your harshest critic. Write some things down that you did that you DIDNT procrastinate… list might be longer than you think. SOmetimes we overwhelm ourselves with our own day to day stuff that you think you’re being lazy by not doing something when in reality you’ve done a lot of other stuff too. Just gotta learn to manage your time wisely and not burnout.

   I pretend to look cool and I want to drop the act: Stop trying to act cool and be yourself.. that’s cool as fuck.

   I genuinely want to do a lot with my life: and you can, best time to start is now.

   I want to build my own company someday: no doubt you can get to this point some time in the future. Many people who have started businesses never started them until well in their 30s/40s/even 50s.

   I want to have friends, romantic relationships: Focus on the above and youre going to get there! Keep yourself busy with things you want to continue doing and change about yourself and everything else will fall into place. Keep meeting people and have fun experiences!

   I want to be happy and don’t want having regrets that I didn’t try my best to lead a good life in this life: Happiness is all in your head. What do you want to decide what makes you happy in life?

   From this post, I’m going to sum up what kind of person I think you are: You’re an incredibly self-aware person who is most likely way harsher on yourself than you need to be. I can see in your mind you have this vision of who you want to be and you only have the best intentions of it but are way to hard on yourself to allow yourself to take some L’s and learn from it. Instead you beat yourself up about things instead of going “hey that was an interesting learning experience”. You’re not a shitty person, you jsut have a few things you need to work on (so does everyone in this world) but you’ve acknowledged and recognize that. Give yourself some credit for that. I used to beat myself up on certain things all the time if i forgot somethign etc and I’ll never forget what my gf told me: “If i did something similar, would you say the same things to me? (ie. you idiot, how can i be so dumb for forgetting, etc)”. Of course my answer was “hell no” to which she replied “well why would you talk to yourself like that too… be nice to yourself”

   Long winded but I hope this helps friend. Its never easy navigating through a shitty time in your own head thinking you’re alone when thats the complete opposite. You have the power to do the things you want to do. You’re DEFINITELY worth it.

   All the best.

8. If you watch and fap to porn, then quit immediately. That was the pinpoint problem for a lot of the feeling you described or which I was dealing with. Also for me caffeine is a problem which gives me anxiety. So I reduced my intake and I’m also trying to quit it completely along with porn.

9. You just describe who iam. Im 27 and still jobless i still live with my parents and my society in which i live is so negative.I want to get a job and leave this environment but to get a job i feel i dont have any self confidence. Please help me .

10. To “build” your personality, try sifting out the negative stuff and focusing on what’s *constructive* here:

    I am almost 25

    I genuinely want to do a lot with my life.
    I want to build my own company someday.
    I want to have friends, romantic relationships.

    I am trying to get into therapy

    I am trying to read books

    I want to be happy and don’t want having regrets that I didn’t try my best to lead a good life in this life.

    &#x200B;

    Sounds like a person worth getting to know, doesn’t it? See if you can focus on the positive things like your future goals, new interests and openness to relationships. You don’t have to lead with your insecurities. You can save those for the therapist.

11. Take care of yourself first, take a lot of pride in sharpening your appearance, your physical physique, diet, health, sleep cycle, hygiene , keep your living space clean. This should be a daily ritual. Then your career. Everything will settle in the right spot when you give yourself the time and attention of self love.

    One thing at a time. The first is to take care of yourself- your body and mind- every moment

    Stop self loathing. Getup and do something about it

12. 1) Try to learn self-deprecating humour and try applying in any social setting. Just like how these standup comedians make jokes on themselves. Once you know how to joke on yourself, more confident you will be on yourself.

    2) Learn few school of thoughts like Stoicism (watch videos/read books).

    3) Join Gym. Just do it.

    Wish you best!

13. a quiet mind is key. must first clear your perception, the answer will reveal. best of luck. a quiet mind is not easy, but a quiet mind is powerful

14. Most if not all of that isn’t horrible and is changeable (notice I didn’t say fixable).
    Id say easiest is gym. Get a trainer for at least 2-3 months- focus on diet. Really focus on it.
    Get out of the house as much as possible.
    Hiking.. is basically walking in nature.
    Say “Hi” to at least 1 person a day.
    Just hi and a smile.
    Stop making negative lists about what you don’t have.
    Start one for what you’re thankful for…
    Journaling daily- start at 30 words and increase when that becomes easy.
    Re-framing your perspective is a fabulous thing even if just a little..
    Stop and watch the sunset once and awhile..

15. I just thought, wow. Any wonder this person is low. What a painful way to speak to yourself.

    I would love to see a list of positive things about you.

    The world is tough. But you are made of strong stuff too. Please take time to write something you love/ like about yourself. You deserve to hear it!

    Sending hope ❤️❤️

16. I think you’re really being too hard on yourself. I’m sure you may think all those things you listed are true, but they’re not.

    Continue getting into therapy and find the right therapist.

    Id suggest getting a dog, they’re incredible companions and great for breaking the ice for social interactions.

    Go on walks

    start each morning writing five things you’re grateful for, and read that list throughout the day

    Find things to look forward to, such as TV shows, sporting events, video game releases.

    Your twenties are a WEIRD time, that I’m currently going through. You just have to try things and find out more about yourself a little bit. I think you’ve got incredible opportunities in front of you!

17. 1) age only matters if you think it matters

    2) Babies also suck socially, it has to be trained like everything else. Set up weekly challenges.

    3) The reason you dont have topics is because you need to do more stuff, get more input and stop filtering things before you say them.

    4) Meditate to focus outside of your thoughts. 20 min a day.

    5) If people avoid you then phuck them, you will attract new ones with more training socially.

    6) Sign up to the gym, get 100-200g protein per day, drink a gallon of water and lift heavy shit 3 times a week. Put on heavy metal to motivate yourself.

    7) You might be under confident in some areas, and more confident in other areas. Write down where you need to improve and what can be done.

    8) Didnt understand what u wrote here

    9) If you feel attacked you may be more sensitive then others, swap the company for a change surround with positive guys.

    10) Get new friends by signing up for courses or workouts

    11) We all cry inside

    12) To get a girlfriend, do step 1-12 and then download all dating apps.

    13) You dont try to get into therapy either you do or you dont. Do it , get it overwith. You dont have to feel good about doing it. But you can feel good after.

    14) Sign up on Goodread, aim for 10 pages max. I phuckin hate reading but 10 pages is enough, and the % increase you see daily is a huge motivation. Try it out.

    15) You wont crave validation as much when you start accomplishing goals. Because then you have real things to be proud of, and less need for fakery stuff.

    16) I suffer too, everyone suffers. We just dont show it always.

    17) Define what good enough means, and ask yourself if its fair to hold yourself to those standards.

    18) You are need because you lack focus on goals and its process. When you have your mind set on something there wont be as much time to triple text and “hope” for a better future. You will take action.

    19) We procrastinate because we feel fear or depression. Use small rewards to hurdle through. And realize that you dont have to feel good to complete something.

    20) Stop pretending to be cool, because nobody phuckin cares. Just be genuine and express yourself the way you want, not what you think others want.

    21) Awesome, find references of other people who have done what you want. And reverse engineer.

    22) Go for it, we dont have forever. A lot of us start from 0.

    23) Friends and romantic relationship should not be your first priority right now. Get your mind stronger, then your body then your goals, then work on your social skills and the rest will fall into place. Trust me.

    24) Phuck happiness, imo its a state of mind not a destination. Our goals can justify our suffering if it gives us meaning. Stop looking at the past and start taking action in the NOW.

    Wish you all the best<3

18. Start working out or find a physical activity that you truly enjoy.

    Then start finding hobbies that YOU love. From there you will naturally be more confident and meet people. It’s easier to meet people with a similar interest then going to the bar or somewhere you don’t want to be.

    ALSO! Keep in mind- everyone struggles with these things. Getting out of your comfort zone f* sucks. But in order to become the person you want- you have to. You’ve got this!!

19. I want to give you a high five, and then a hug. Sounds like you are in a very bad place right now, but you still have your ambitions and thats good. Maybe get in touch with a former friend, or just go to a bar by yourself at first. It’s way easirer to say than actually doing it. But you dont have anything to lose.
    Godspeed sir.

20. Sending you love and solidarity ❤️

21. Most people appreciate you being *interested* in them, than *interesting* (based on no stats whatsoever just a hunch based on some like experience that people love to talk about themselves)

22. You are good at making lists. This one here captured a lot about your situation and how you perceive it.

    Build on this. Because here’s the key to get out of your situation: STOP thinking and start DOING.

    Get out of your head and get into doing things. Put that on a post-it note. Remind yourself that your first problem is simply that you are thinking about yourself too much. Begin the habit of looking outward.

    Learn things that interest you and which might interest others. If your interests are obscure, figure out how you could talk about them with people who don’t share them.

    But if possible, begin getting into something that is broadly popular: learn how to play an instrument or study a language or learn about wine. Both of these interests can develop into a social component.

    Whatever it is make sure you have interests in your social reservoir that are not by nature solitary or totally obscure.

    Figure out what these things are, and then, plan your day each morning. Make a list! Every day! I’m going to spend 20 minutes on X, and 40 minutes on Y, and so on.

    Also make a DO NOT DO list. Do not spend 2 hours on Reddit each day, scrolling through r/lonely or whatever. Set a time to look at reddit, or whatever else is your idle time-waster, and set a timer for it.

    Once you have the habit of pursuing your interests, you will find you have less time to dwell and ruminate. And. It that none of this means you have to get good at anything. You just, basically, need something to talk about.

    That’s the beginnings of personality. The other is to know what you feel strongly about. Again , it’s list time. Write down things you like. Then write down things you hate. Think about how you could express different elements of these lists in conversation. Aim for being lighthearted about them most of the time, and allow for disagreement, but also stick to your opinions in a social setting. It’s boring to be agreed with constantly. Let people know who you are by paying them the compliment of inviting them into your thoughts, your likes and dislikes.

    Finally, your list suggests depression, so be sure to begin taking care of the basics: get plenty of good sleep, eat nutritious food, and get some exercise and fresh air every day. You will feel better if you do, trust me.

    Good luck.

23. 1. Get in the gym

    2. Get in the gym

    3. Shut up and workout

    4. Repeat steps 1-3 everyday for a year

    5. Let me know how it goes

24. Most of these are intrusive thoughts about self-esteem. A few are goals, and the rest are simply worries.

    It’s good to write out your thoughts, but there are better ways to do it that won’t drag you down further. Even just restructuring sentences will help bounds if you can do so regularly enough that it becomes subconcious. ‘I feel ___ when ___, but that’s okay/but I can do ____ to help.’ It’s okay to feel upset or disappointed in yourself, but don’t give the feelings the voice they need to harm you.

25. Practice telling jokes and making yourself look dumb and you’ll soon learn that how people perceive you has no bearing in your life

26. Think about your beliefs and what things you enjoy, like what music do you like? What clothes make you feel your best and express yourself? What hairstyle makes you feel most confident? What do you like to do in your free time? What are your goals? What hobbies are interesting to you? Getting to know yourself builds your identity and you’ll gain confidence through that!

27. Stop making lists of things you suck at and start making lists of shit you tried.

28. therapy? this list hits hard and sounds exactly like my social anxiety.

29. Alright mate, I’m here to tell you that you totally have a personality and probably have some super interesting things to talk about you just a) have self esteem issues and b) need to find the right people to talk to about your interests.
    Point 3A ‘I don’t have topics to talk to people’. Sure you do! What is it you spend your time doing? You want to start your own company some day, that’s cool, that’s a Thing. Sounds like you’re at least passionate about business, or whatever your company would be about.
    Point 8B ‘I am needy’ You and the rest of the world my friend. It is the most human thing in the world to have needs, especially attention if you have been starved of social interaction.

    I was in a similar position to you in my early twenties and my sweepingly broad advice to anyone in this position is thus:

    1) Listen to others and talk about the things they are interested in. You may find new hobbies or interests lie here, or you may find that you learn what you don’t like in other people which will help you to refine your own circle of friends into a more enjoyable experience

    2) Find an in person hobby. Most people make friends by frequently being in the same place as another person (like work or school). I chose a sport, but now I play Dungeons and Dragons in person. It could be something “nerdy”, something artistic, something activist, who knows. It doesn’t have to be something you are good at, but if anyone ever says ‘we’re going for drinks/coffee after the club, wanna come’ say yes!

    I’d be interested to know what it is you do with your spare time because there must be something you can build socially on, but even if you don’t reply I wish you luck!

30. This is an incredibly positive and helpful comment section. For someone who identifies with most of what OP listed, I appreciate every single one of you guys who shined a light into this very dark place some of ud are in right now.

    OP. I wish you all the best on the journey of feeling better. You can do this. 🤍

31. Are you me?

32. French here, I tried my best on with english.

    Well for personnal experience, i was like you.

    Two third of your list is the result of what you think of yourself and what you think people think about you, but gess what, general pleople (not real friends and family) absolutely don’t care about you.

    If one day a naked guy passing you running and yelling you will forget about him like 3 or 5 minutes after, so you and me, normal person, even faster!

    – Everything in my life changed when my little niece wanted me to go shoping wearing our unicorn onesie, at first i was like no way on earth but at the end i put on the onesie and it was one of the best time of my life.
    – I go back the day after for my shoping, the cashier and an old lady recognized me, we talked and the conversations was real, i did not force myself in trying to look good or smart or interesting, just a flow of coolness.
    Since when don’t force me in nothing, i’m just myself.

    – i don’t know how many people are here on earth but there is only one you and you are a lot plenty enough interesting, only you have your past, storie, idea, spirit…. so don’t try to be a copy of what you think other people want, because you don’t know what they want, be yourself.
    – surround yourself as much as you can with positive people who have what you want and do what they do, and full stop with negative people. If one don’t want you to grow, he’s not your friend.
    – forget about social media, in there everything is fake, and you don’t want fake, not anymore, not the new you.
    – you could be the more beautiful, juicy and delicious peache on the world, remember that some people just don’t like peaches, it’s ok that some people don’t like you, just move on and use your time with people who like the real you instead of try to please people who don’t like you.
    – you should definitely read books, not novel (few is ok too) but personnel development books and use what you learned.

    Start with this 3
    Dale Carnagie how to win friends and influence people
    Jim Rhon my philosophy for successfull living and the 4 seasons of life.

    Once you will have your relationship life on track, your business life will come naturally.

    And don’t forget, for things to change, you have to change.

33. by listening

34. welcome to being alive

35. Honestly? This is random. But I do stuff alone all the time. It’s really helped me. But yes. You should seek mental health care. Take some classes. Whether it’s cooking, or a new math class do it! Go for a walk. Develop you’re own thoughts

36. I find it funny that I’m giving you this advice because I myself feel most of the things you feel BUT: go to therapy, you’ll be surprised how much that will help. The first time I went, I was mad at myself because MY GOD my life could’ve been so different had I gone some years earlier!!. Read books, anything you want but read (books, the newspapers, magazines). That will give you knowledge and topics to talk about. Lastly, I frequently ask myself if I’m too pressured and feel people perceive me some way or think I’m annoying/boring… especially when is someone I feel is superior or who’s interest I want to get, so maybe that’s happening to you, best thing is to relax and try to listen to the other person and eventually a sort of natural conversation will flow. Good luck!

37. Son?

38. Get healthy. Prioritize your diet and build muscle. I say this not to improve your appearance but to improve your mental health which should help with your anxiety.

39. I’ve been there. And I did have a personality, only it was buried under a mountain of self-doubt. Take some time to get to know yourself (I used to think this sentence was so cliche! ), learn what you like and vibe with, maybe try some new things as well. You seem to have a great plan to make things better, it will be ok.