So I agreed to go on a holiday to Berlin with my friend, she was quite pushy and insisted I get a flight from London with her despite the fact I live 300 miles away in Lancaster and would have to spend another 70 pounds and hours of travel to get there (and I failed to be assertive, as I find myself unable to be around her), anyway, she did this so that she could get the cheapest flight which had a 19 hour stopover in Copenhagen, which she didn’t want to do alone. She booked her flight straight away and sent me a message saying, get yours now – I can’t be in Copenhagen on my own! So, foolishly I went along with it but I have now decided I really really don’t want to go for a number of reasons. 1. I don’t want to have to travel to London, I would much rather go from an airport near me as it would be a lot more convenient 2. My sister who I haven’t seen in months will be visiting the weekend we’re meant to fly, and I would rather see her 3. I can’t actually afford it, I am currently back living with parents and I desperately want to move out, if I spend the money I have saved on a holiday, it will mean having to stay here longer 4. She is a close friend of my abusive ex and I am trying to distance myself from that part of my life 5. I don’t think I will enjoy it, I’m not close enough with her to speak my mind, in fact I find her insufferably spoilt sometimes, but I feel bad because she likes me and she doesn’t really have many true close friends, I think she will tell me what to do and I will find it incredibly irritating as I highly value my independence, I would happily go on my own and meet up with her from time to time, but I don’t want to go with her as I find the other friends she will be seeing there stuck up and insufferable too. What do I do? I felt very on the spot and didn’t really consider it all properly, I feel bad letting her down but I just don’t want to go anymore, I feel bad that she has to be in Copenhagen for 19hours when she doesn’t want to be alone but she’s 24, I’m 22 and would feel fine spending the day there – maybe it would be good character building for her lol. Anyways what do you think is the best course of action.
3 comments
Just lay it out straight. In situations like these, don’t turn it into a conversation or a debate, or you will lose. Be the immovable object, the constant steady force and other people will yield to you and what you say. Be the huge rock in a river that will flow.around you. Very clearly say you are no longer able to come on the trip, you are sorry for any inconvenience cause but you hope she has a good time. Say nothing more, and expect her to be upset and start trying to convince you. Say nothing more.
Might help to just name one of the reasons. “I haven’t seen my sister in months, and she’s actually coming over that weekend, so I have to cancel. I hope you can find someone else though!”
Don’t phrase it as a question or a request. You are letting her know that you will be unavailable, not asking her for permission to be unavailable.
I didnt read your long post, but just want to help by saying that honesty is key. Allow them to see it from your perspective. Tell them youre really sorry if you truly feel that way. If theyre a friend theyll understand.