my bf is bad at sex

44 comments

1. The only way to address it is to talk again. Bring up the fact that he was defensive before and didn’t listen. Maybe watch an instructional video (they exist!) on what you’d like him to do. If he’s unresponsive and defensive then you might have to consider ending it. Between that and the cheating (!!!), what does he have to offer??

2. Ex boyfriend, fixed that for you, and find your second. Get the comparison, then continue until you find that right one who wants a relationship and the sex is great.

3. The cheating and not caring about you during sex are things douchebag bfs do. It’s time to cut that guy loose and find someone that actually will take the time to make sure you enjoy yourself

4. It seems like he doesn’t care for you nor respect. He cheats on you, has you prepare him, doesn’t satisfy you, makes you clean after AND you have to make breakfast? Girl …r u n. You deserve better than this!

5. The point is that he have cheating history and he doesn’t show care for you but still yet you showing him care with everything… it doesn’t matter if he’s great guy but in a relationship it requires to care for you with everything including sex .

6. Idk how you guys are but my first boyfriend was when we were 17ish and it was the worst year of my life. I thought i couldnt and wouldnt find anyone better than hin even though he sucked at oral, gave me utis because of his dirty fingers, fingered me too rough, was very manipulative, gaslighted me, almost hit me a couple of times but i wanted it to work because we were bestfriends before we dated. Throughout our relationship, on good days, we were bestfriends we were great but the bad days got really bad. One day i saw him hurt another girl “as a joke” and it finally clicked that i didnt want that for me. That was almost 4 years ago. Now im with my amazing boyfriend who completely changed my perspective on what it means to be loved. Hes sweet, understanding, not mean etc. i thought love was constantly second guessing my relationship because my ex engraved in my head that we were perfect but that i was the problem.

   You need to open your eyes. Hes mean to you, he doesnt appreciate you. He doesnt consider you the way you do, he cheated babe. What more does he need to show you to prove he doesnt respect you ? A couple of good days isnt worth a lot of bad days. I know its easy for us to say than it is for you to do. I know you said you have no help outside of this but see if maybe you can reach out to a friend or someone who can help you out.

7. >i have had a really low sex drive since he cheated

   👁️👄👁️

8. Why don’t you get a job and support yourself? You didn’t mention if you had any physical or mental issues preventing you from sustaining a job. Now that you’re dependent on him and you admit you can’t go anywhere else, he is really treating you with no worry that you’ll leave because he too knows you can’t leave. I mean the cheating and the selfishness in bed, girl get some self respect and standards.

9. Let him read this post and reply’s. He’ll get right if he cares.

10. Lord the audacity to be out here cheating with wack dick! As soon as you’re in your feet leave him. You will probably have to find roommates but end this relationship that brings you no joy.

11. He doesn’t give a shit about you. He’s made that abudantly clear. Since you won’t/can’t leave there’s literally no reason for you not to delete this post now.

12. He’s bad at relationships too it seems. Never stay with a person who cheats. Its the ultimate way to say, “I dont respect you and I think of you as trash.”

13. a cheater and selfish in bed uhmmmm BYE FELICIO

14. If he’s bad at sex AND he’s cheating that means not only does he not care about your sexual needs and pleasure – he also doesn’t care about you. Don’t try to fix him.

    Find work and get your own place and leave, find a way to go back home to your parents’s or a friends for a bit until you’re back on your feet. Don’t continue to subject yourself to someone who doesn’t care for you or your needs and cheats in you. I can’t believe you have to be told this.

15. Buy a vibrator

16. Everything else can be fixed and is redeemable, but the cheating part isn’t. You should leave, he sounds like an insecure twat.

17. First , make sure you can support yourself completely one day. Work on that. Too many people get trapped in relationships or chose people to “provide” because they can not provide for themselves.

    Second , there are plenty of kind , loyal, people on earth. Don’t settle for money , cheating and bad sex.

18. He cheated…thats all you needed to say. End it. One and done, you are better than that.

    And on top on that, he is a 2 pump chump who doesnt think about your needs. It would be one thing if he rocked the 4play and got you off. But he doesnt even bother with that. Just end it…there are plenty of guys out there that wont cheat and actually care if you get off

19. Get a job and drop him.

20. Babes, I just want you to know it’ll literally never get better or change unless he WANTS things to change. I had dated someone for a while who would make me cum occasionally but if I ever asked he’d get defensive or make up excuses as to why he couldn’t make me cum. Point being, he didn’t care about my pleasure nearly as much as he cared about his own, so nothing changed within multiple years of dating. Take it from me, just leave. I know it’s not an easy thing to do but I feel a million x better being single than I ever did in a relationship

21. I know you want to work on this instead of leave him, but please listen to everyone saying he will most likely not change. First, get a way to support yourself, so if it comes to it, you can leave if you want to. You can’t change anything in your relationship without talking about it, so you need to get yourself to a place where you can say, “Here is what I need to be happy and stay in this relationship, can you do this?” and then if he says no, you can leave, and if he says yes, you can start some work on your relationship.

    But he knows you can’t go anywhere or do anything at this point if things stay the way they are, so he has no reason to change. I will say that a good boyfriend who respects you wouldn’t need some sort of ultimatum or incentive to treat you with the bare minimum of respect, but if you’re determined to try to salvage this, at least give yourself an out if it doesn’t work.

22. Why are you with him! He sounds horrible! Cheating on you!!!!

23. Maybe next time he doesn’t satisfy you, stay in bed and finish yourself. Or better-masturbate to completion before inviting him to do the same next to you, but only if you want. Then don’t reward him for bad sex/bad partnership by cooking and cleaning! I’m not a fan of weaponizing sex, but…a message must be sent!

    I will always recommend the book ‘Come As You Are’ by Emily Nagoski for both partners, and the book ‘She Comes First’ for people pleasing someone with a vulva. At best, you’ll both get better sex education and be able to improve the relationship. If nothing else, this could help you satisfy yourself and communicate better with future partners.

    Aside from the sex life, I’d recommend you look into getting all the public assistance possible for yourself and work on a plan to leave, domestic violence hotlines can help you with resources. Control isn’t love, and I’d be surprised if his assholery doesn’t escalate. Make some friends outside of the relationship (meetup.com, there’s apps for women to find friends)-it’s healthy and normal not to just have one person in your life!!! It sounds like he’s using you for sex and house work, and I wish you the best in leveling up and out of his control.

24. So tell him and stop telling Reddit, watch Pete Davidson or something you need his EDUMACATION

25. have some self respect and dump him. should’ve ended shit the second he cheated lol

26. someone please find out how old this girl is

27. Your priority should be to get an income and get out of there asap. You don’t need any advice about the sex. Just working on being financially capable of changing your situation

28. ngl if he cheated you should leave and treat yourself better i understand attachments but it’s up to you in the end

29. Sometimes I forget how great of a relationship I have simply because we both care about each other’s needs.

    Your boyfriend is a D I C K

30. >(i have had a really low sex drive since he cheated

    You don’t have a low sex drive. Your body is disgusted by fact that he cheated. You realize that the fact that he cheated negatively affect you?

    You should break up. He is a cheater and he is also selfish in bed.

    >i was cleaning up his mess and making breakfast.

    So you have to give him head, he uses your body, then you have to clean and make breakfast???? You are a servant to a cheater.

    >ive tried talking to him before about it but he got really defensive and insecure.

    He is not defensive and insecure. He is an AH. Was he insecure when he cheated????

    > i have no contact with my family and currently live in his home. i am not working (yet) and financially cannot support myself. if i left this relationship i would be on the streets. i appreciate everybody’s advice so much but i cant just get up and go, as good as that might be for me.

    You can still stop having sex with him altogether!!!! You are paying him to stay in his house with sex??? Have more self-worth! Just treat him like a roommate and find a way out.

31. 1. Stop saying he’s a great guy. Great guys don’t cheat.
    2. Stop blaming yourself for everything that’s actually his fault.
    3. You are in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man that has zero o respect for you.
    4. Find yourself a job and dump his ass.

    You are worth more than you think and you deserve better.

32. Break up. He’ll learn the hard way.

33. Leave his ass. But cheat on him first. Also, find out if there is any government assistance in your area even if it is a women’s shelter. You’re in an abusive relationship. You put up with him because you have no place to go and are financially dependant on him. He doesn’t try because he doesn’t need to.

34. Stopped reading after cheated. Next

35. I’m glad you’re not gonna settle forever for being his bangmaid. What you’re doing now is a type of sex work called “survival sex”, where you trade sex for room and board and don’t actually get paid. He’s not interested in your pleasure or your feelings because you’re not a partner for him, you’re a service provider of sex and housework.

    There’s no shame in doing what you need to do to survive, but don’t confuse it for a real relationship.

    Go along to get along, don’t fight or make demands. Find a job and start saving all your money in a place he doesn’t know about. He **will** start getting controlling and possibly even abusive when he sees you taking steps towards independence, so be very careful he doesn’t get access to your money, your passwords, your phone, or your documents.

36. This guy doesn’t sound like he cares about your sexual pleasure. It’s not something you can fix and save, it’s not your job to reform him or babysit him. He doesn’t respect you as a sexual partner, and he doesn’t respect you as a partner. Cheating is a dealbreaker for me.

    He doesn’t seem to repsect you as a person. Getting defensive and insecure when you voice your concerns? Doesn’t care that you’re in pain during sex? You’re afraid he will call you ungrateful? What the fuck.

    In your comments you’ve said your communication is great, yet it seems far from that. You seem to be afraid that you will never find someone that will treat you well and this is the best you can get-you’re incredibly wrong. You’re in love and fascinated because he’s your first, and scared because right now, he’s the only thing you have. How good is this relationship for you really, though? If you can’t communicate and find common ground on something as simple as sex, as mutual respect and demands, how do you think you’ll communicate when more serious issues come along?

    I know there is this joke of reddit people jumping to “dump him” way too soon, but I think it applies here. You said you wanted to try and fix things first-you have! You’ve tried to talk to him, you’ve expressed concerns to no avail. There isnothing else that you can do.

    Is it possible for you to re-establish contact with your family? Do you have a friend you can stay at? Is it possible for you to get a job? Leave this man or at the very least, ask for a break. It will clear your mind and give you the ability to judge things more objectively. He will come begging after you break up with him-do NOT give him another chance. It will be hard, and you will cry a lot, but you deserve more respect from the person you’re with.<3

37. “ he’s a great guy “ lmao yeah except he treats you like a fleshlight and when you’re not in the mood he just sleeps with someone else.

    Get a job. Save up money. Get out. If that’s not possible then find a family member or friend to stay with and get a job to afford you’re own place.

38. OP, start saving as much as you can. Try to get a job at least part time, and get out of that relationship asap. You don’t want to wake up one day, with 2 kids and hoping you had called it quits sooner. That man, is not just going to never care or satisfy you, but he will be the same with every other aspect in the relationship. Too selfish with $, time, and not fulfill his duty as a father!!!!!

39. I stopped reading after you said he chested.. dude, even tho you love him, you should leave. A guy like that would likely cheat again and if he doesn’t even try to satisfy after he cheated and you forgive him he is just an asshole. My advice is tl get out of that realtionship

40. What in cousin fucking, Big Mac eating, cousin banging, Arby’s cheesy meat sandwich did I just fucking read? DUDE CHEATED AND YOU STILL STAYIN GIRL?! Get the fuck out ya melon head lmfaaaaaaaoooo ON GOD SOME PEOPLES CHILDREN

41. Life is too short for bad dick habibi.

42. can you get back in contact with your family or start looking for jobs? this isn’t a good situation to be in at all and the fact without him you’re nothing financially is a little concerning

43. I may be a few drinks in but I think you should cheat on him.

44. Why… why would you make yourself dependant on him. Why do you have no way out of this relationship… this is awful